told a guy about my std and i really like him but now im gettin the cold shoulder ???!!!!!

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Jackie_0mg
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2011
Total Posts : 427
   Posted 9/18/2011 7:31 PM (GMT -6)   
as of this moment i dont feel depressed but i know that i am
recently i told this boy that i like that i have an std and its not curiable... we have had unprotected sex all the time but im 100% sure he doesnt have it plus he told me before i told him that he has had test and he's only test positive for chlymida whichhas been taken care of.
A LOT of people tell me to tell whoever im intamite w/ about it but i just found out about it 1 year ago and its still hard for me to say i have ______.  well after i told him he freaked out .... (jus like anyone would ) well the next day i had text him from a friends phone and found out that after i had left they were still talking i personally had nothing to worry about because shes unatractive but were cool . ...
he hasnt been talking to me much though and i wonder if its because of what i said he told me that we can still be friends but i like him a WHOLE LOT ...we,ve always been honest but hes been giving me the cold shoulder he says hes just been stressin... idk were suppose to meet up tommrow so i guess ill tell you ow it goes then :)

Serenitee
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2011
Total Posts : 463
   Posted 9/18/2011 8:38 PM (GMT -6)   
Jackie,

"Hello, I'm Serenitee, its nice to meet you." I also have an STD that is incurable. I'm 46-years old now, but I found out when I was 20-years old. Actually a week after I was married I found I was pregnant. I got really sick w/flu like symptoms but hurt really bad in my groin area (if you know what I mean). I told my husband (no longer married to him) that I thought I had a sore. I was so scared, but I knew I had to be seen by a Gynecologist since I was newly pregnant. Anywaz, it took me probably 10-years to accept (i broke out monthly for 10-years) that I have it and that it doesn't define who I am.

So, what I wanted to tell you was I got divorced from my first husband (who rubbed in my face that no man would want me with being diagnosed with it)...I ended up months later being serious with someone else. I didn't tell him the first time we were intimate but I did tell him before we were intimate again. He asked me if he could get it, and I said yes if I was broke out and we did stuff then. but if we were careful it should be okay. Well, we have been married 23-years, he still has never got it from me, and we have 7-beautiful kids.

If someone really cares about you they will not care, they will be supportive of you. I wish you all the best. Keep posting...
Sending you Smiles, Hugz & Rainbows your way.
Your Healingwell Friend,
Serenitee

Bipolar 2, Borderline, Panic/Anxiety Disorder, Ptsd

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42439
   Posted 9/19/2011 7:28 AM (GMT -6)   
I have to agree. You should have told him before hand. And use a condom. It isn't right to have sex first and then tell later. You may have passed it on to him. Please think before you do things. Tell the other person first. And I was wondering too what it is. Just for curiosity sake. Some things lay dormant and come back later.

I had two surgeries on my cervix for std's that my first husband gave to me. I was not a happy camper at that time. Still think of it and get angry at times. I thought it was something wrong with me, then it finally sank in. Both were precancerous. Displasia and hpv. I also caught gardenella from him. Stupid enough to think I got it somewhere else in the past and that it sat dormant all them years.

You have to take the other person's health in consideration. Be honest and upfront. Use condoms. Be safe. Besides, you could catch something more from somebody else.

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42439
   Posted 9/19/2011 10:27 AM (GMT -6)   
Yes,

It isn't safe to have unprotected sex anymore. And I agree, it was selfish of her to have sex without telling of her std. Maybe she is young and not thinking. But I would never do that. I figure if I caught it, it is my problem. And I would always let the other person know before engaging in sex. You are right, it is a crime to have sex with somebody and not tell them if you have aids.

I totally understand why her boyfriend would be upset.

I hope that she is more careful in the future.

Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

Jackie_0mg
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2011
Total Posts : 427
   Posted 9/19/2011 11:08 AM (GMT -6)   
I KNOW ITS LONG BUT IT'S WORTH READING Thank you to booth opinions like i said i found out about my std 1 year ago and its hard to tell someone ...before i found out i had Herpes I would have said you HAVE to tell your partner and now that im on the other side of the fence its hard and i respectfully dont expect people to understand. My best friend and i have this conversation all the time on when i should tell and everytime we disagree but understand the other persons view/ though.
I found out i had herpes the weekend before my birthday 1-25-94
I had been in so much pain have a lot of health problems so an STD was the last thing i was thinking i have ulsertive colitios so when i saw a reaction around my area i thought my butt-hole was gonna fall off ... i told my mom about it i wasnt able to sit walk etc.. we went to the doctor a day after because it was extreemly bad they didnt know what it was my gi doctor ran random test and herpes came back positive . sinve we were waiting on the results the doctor had called my mom to tell her . I called my BFF and cried for LITERLY 2 MIN. I feel like i should have cried longer. some bitterness has come upon me that i despritly want to get rid of but cant (yet) . ........ i 've come to make myself belive that EVERYONE knows the concequence of sex (including me) so that in its-self allows me to not feel guilty
1 weeks ago i went to urgent care because i was having more problems (down there) i thought i had a cut but it hurt i found out i was having my 4th outbreak w/in 1 year. on top of that i had discharge for over a month ... so the doctor had treated me as if i had chlymidia and gohnneria that means 2 pills and a shot ... plus my other medicine for the outbreak ( i been meaning to post this story/event because it really bothers me ) my mom was there the whole time 4 weeks ago i had a spring w/ a couple of people and i guess im paying the concequence . i vouched to myself (after that painful shot) that i wasnt going to have unprotected sex again plus i am going to be abstinence in my life for a while. The next day at schoool I went to the nurse and cried I felt like a ***** .. i mean everyone tells me ( even my mom at 1 point) but now that i see it for myself has made an even bigger impact i try to not let people see what hurts me deep down and i guess i know WAY DEEP DOWN THERE i really miss my dad its not like having sex will bring him back but me being w/ an older and i mean older man makes me feel better i know they dont care and all tat but for that 1 moment it seems like it does.

Serenitee
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2011
Total Posts : 463
   Posted 9/19/2011 3:06 PM (GMT -6)   
Jackie,
I thought I would add at the last minute this...If you ever want to chat pleez feel free to email me anytime. You can find my email address by clicking on my name which will take you to my profile where my email address is.

I'm sorry for others being so critical & judgemental towards you, perhaps they don't understand all aspects of this. I'm assuming that when you contracted it you were unaware that the person you were with was positive for this, and they didn't tell you. As I was not told from my fiance that past it on to me. I do agree with you that we all should be aware that we could contract anything from anyone with not taking precautions. I did take precautions to not pass it on & I have not past it on to my husband, for 23-years. You had mentioned that you have had 4-outbreaks in a year ( I think thats what you said )...that is really not to bad. In the beginning with me I broke out every month with my period as the hormonal changes each month would cause an outbreak ( and of course stress can bring it on quickly )...I now take a prescription daily to maintain which I don't break out anymore or maybe 1-time a year when really stressed. Are you able to also have a prescription (Valtrex) daily? I would just recommend that in the future to say something before anything happens...As that way you are giving them the choice to continue on or not. This is only the right thing to do & taking responsibility for another persons life. I know it is difficult, however, I think you will be surprised that not all will run the other way. Especially if you have read & studied any and all information about the Herpes STD. Just in case the other person asks you questions. Also, you may find that the person will tell you that they have it also. It is a very common STD, and I know my physicians have all told me that I am not the only person out there that is positive, and they have lots of patients with the same thing. I have even had Nurses when I was in the hospital delivering a baby tell me that she also had it...And her bosses knew, so when she was in an outbreak she would just do other jobs until her outbreak was gone.

So, I would just suggest that you read a lot about it, which maybe you have already done that. The internet has a lot of info., and also your local library. I hope any of this may help you in a more positive way instead of ripping you apart. We should be here to help support & be here for you. Recommending more positive feedback is more beneficial to you.

My thoughts & prayers will be sent your way, as well as Smiles, Hugz, & Rainbows...
Your Healingwell Friend,
Serenitee

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42439
   Posted 9/19/2011 4:55 PM (GMT -6)   
Jackie,

It really sounds like you are looking for a father figure. Be careful please. Don't just go with anybody who makes you feel good at the moment. You deserve love and respect. I hope that you find your way to happiness.

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

worriedgirl
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2009
Total Posts : 1208
   Posted 9/20/2011 8:19 AM (GMT -6)   
my best friend in high school, we are no longer friends but thats unrelated, contacted herpes in high school because her partner did not tell her he had it and she was angry. i understand why to, he should have at least told her so she could make that decision if she wanted to risk it. it is not fair to the other person to not tell them you have an incurable std. i dont blame the guy for being angry and wouldnt be surprised if he never speaks to you again. granted we all make mistakes and im hoping that you learn from this mistake. with all the new medical knowledge around there are ways to have sex and not pass it through but your partner still has a right to know. and in all honesty if you are not mature enough to make the decision to tell any partner about your std then you are not mature enough for sex. im assuming you are still in high school and if that is the case than you need to worry more about finishing high school t han about sex. get counseling, take a class on stds and sex and then you need to make sure you are protecting yourself and any partner you sleep with. im sorry if i am sounding so mean but you do need to realize there are consequences to your actions. i am teaching my 8 year old about responsibilities and you need to realize you have a responsibility to any of your sexual partners to tell t hem.

Jackie_0mg
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2011
Total Posts : 427
   Posted 9/20/2011 3:45 PM (GMT -6)   
i didnt take any offence to anyones comment i appreciate respectful critisizem. well i did see him yesterday and im more than comfortable to tell what happend because in all honesty YOU ALL are the only ones i can talk to without crying about it :) so im going to post a part 2 to give other people also a chance to chipin :) ... ihope that you read it and giv me your feedback its appreciated .
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