Im not really sure what to say.
I havent been able to be upfront and honest about
anything lately, so writing it on here is weird.
Im not happy.
I dont know whats wrong with me.
I saw something on the internet that said this is a good place to go to talk to someone if you have no one to talk to.
Im so angry with myself. I keep getting angry so fast. I dont even know if its because of me or because these things would make other people mad too.
I cant help but randomly want to cry.
I wonder why people like me. I wonder if they really do like me like they say they do. I dont see a reason why they would.
I dont like myself. I dont know why anyone would feel any different about
me than how I feel.
If someone doesnt talk to me when they have the chance I figure they have finally come around and realized that they dont like me too.
Im in a relationship, and Im confused about
it. I dont know if I want to be in it, however I know i care for (no name).
I dont know if I want this kind of relationship. I dont know if I feel this way about
( no name)
I get angry and all we do is argue.
I feel like ( no name) is angry at me all the time too. sometimes angry for things I understand, and sometimes things that dont make sense.
I have no friends. I talk to a couple of family members that I just recently got close to...
I want to see them ALL the time. I love being around them.
but, (no name) gets angry every time I come back from seeing them. says I stay out too late, i made (no name) wait for me to eat dinner and (no name) is hungry.
says I come back in a bad mood and I am cranky.
so every time i see them, I want the visit to last longer and longer because i dont want to come home and listen to the nagging and yelling.
(no name) says I should see them as much as i want- but by actions (no name) says differently
i still hold on to a lot of anger with ( no name)
things said in arguments never really seem to go away.
"no one would like you if they really knew you"
"i care nothing about
"honestly just go die"
... but it isnt like i dont say mean things right back.
im still angry that (no name) doesnt completely believe me about
my past sexual abuse.
when no name found out "well that explains a lot"
and then completely contradicted what was said first and stated:
"well you dont really know. you cant be depressed about
it. get over it. you were too little to even remember, if it actually did happen."
If I say anything about
it, if I show that I am effected by my past at all no name says again " get over it!"
and then wants me to come to (no name) with all of me thoughts and feelings. how can I trust (no name) with any of that???
people talk to me for a little while. then they go away. I think its because they realize I am jsut not as great as they thought.
I am terrified that I will lose the family that I am getting close to.
im just so frustrated. there is no one I can talk to.
everything I am confused about
I cant talk about
- because I am confused about
every person that I know.
I cannot even speak to the family about
( no name) because I am not supposed to tell people we are in a relationship.
I am so lost.
I want to tell (no name) how unhappy I am.
that I have nightmares.
that I always want to cry.
that I cant stop eating.
that I feel like a blimp.
that I cant sleep good
that I need help.
that I have always felt this way.
that now I dont even enjoy what I used to love.
someone please just tell me im sick, have always been sick and that there is a cure.
I dont want to be me anymore.
Post Edited By Moderator (getting by) : 9/19/2011 9:07:05 PM (GMT-6)