I'm new here. And I'm desperate. I feel so sick of myself. As I type this I'm struggling to tell the truth...struggling to decipher what is the truth of me and what are the lies. I've been a compulsive liar for years. For as long as I can remember, really. I have no reason to lie, but I do. I can't stand it. And there have been days when I try to tell the truth. Ad it never lasts. I'm the ugliest person inside. I have the worse personality. All I do is think negatively of people and lie. That's it. I'm hideous on the outside. Marked by a face that mirrors my insides. I can't see myself being truly happy....I can, but would that be true happiness?More than anything happiness is what I want. To wake up and feel light, both physically and mentally. I can't even commit to anything. All I do is set goals and never meet them. Then hate myself when I don't, even then I should know better than to make a promise to myself. It's so tiring being me. I only have one friend. One. And I lie to him constantly. He doesn't know that I have an online dating account and would laugh at me and tear me down if I do. I'm only 17 but see the attention from older men. And trap them, by telling them I'm 19. Then make up lies about how clearly amazing I am. But they're just lies. I'm the most boring person. I hate everyone. I'm awkward. I'm crap. All I am is a tub of lies inside a horrendous, clumsy, gluttonous body. I hate myself. And I do want to love myself, but HOW?! How can I love a worthless piece of crap like me? Everything I used to be good at, I now suck at. I used to be the fastest person on my team, now I'm getting beaten by, not only guys but girls as well. I used to be good at instruments. Now I am crap. I can't ****ing write. All I can do is eat. And sit on the internet all day, looking through people's facebook pictures and wishing I were them. I would ask why me? Why do I have to be ugly? Why can't I be perfect? It's because I deserve it. I really do. I deserve all the crap I get. So I can't honestly be mad.