New Topic Post Reply Printable Version
[ << Previous Thread | Next Thread >> ]

anontruths
New Member


Date Joined Sep 2011
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 9/22/2011 9:09 PM (GMT -6)   
I'm new here. And I'm desperate. I feel so sick of myself. As I type this I'm struggling to tell the truth...struggling to decipher what is the truth of me and what are the lies. I've been a compulsive liar for years. For as long as I can remember, really. I have no reason to lie, but I do. I can't stand it. And there have been days when I try to tell the truth. Ad it never lasts. I'm the ugliest person inside. I have the worse personality. All I do is think negatively of people and lie. That's it. I'm hideous on the outside. Marked by a face that mirrors my insides. I can't see myself being truly happy....I can, but would that be true happiness?More than anything happiness is what I want. To wake up and feel light, both physically and mentally. I can't even commit to anything. All I do is set goals and never meet them. Then hate myself when I don't, even then I should know better than to make a promise to myself. It's so tiring being me. I only have one friend. One. And I lie to him constantly. He doesn't know that I have an online dating account and would laugh at me and tear me down if I do. I'm only 17 but see the attention from older men. And trap them, by telling them I'm 19. Then make up lies about how clearly amazing I am. But they're just lies. I'm the most boring person. I hate everyone. I'm awkward. I'm crap. All I am is a tub of lies inside a horrendous, clumsy, gluttonous body. I hate myself. And I do want to love myself, but HOW?! How can I love a worthless piece of crap like me? Everything I used to be good at, I now suck at. I used to be the fastest person on my team, now I'm getting beaten by, not only guys but girls as well. I used to be good at instruments. Now I am crap. I can't ****ing write. All I can do is eat. And sit on the internet all day, looking through people's facebook pictures and wishing I were them. I would ask why me? Why do I have to be ugly? Why can't I be perfect? It's because I deserve it. I really do. I deserve all the crap I get. So I can't honestly be mad.

theHTreturns...
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 20279
   Posted 9/23/2011 2:17 AM (GMT -6)   
hi anontruths. firstly i suck at typing!!!!!!!!!!! welcome to the forum, i am jamie male, nearly 39 and let me just say this: nobody is perfect. have you thought about seeking out some counselling to help you. i am in therapy, best move i have ever made. i am glad you found us. this is a very caring community. the counselling will help with challenging your negative self image. me i sense a young person who is in pain. i send much compassionate healing thoughts your way. others will post soon.

-jamie
EMOTIONALLY UNSTABLE PERSONALITY DISORDER,

RAPID CYCLING BI-POLAR DISORDER

REMEMBER TO LOVE YOU. BE YOU AND BE TRUE.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42609
   Posted 9/23/2011 6:16 AM (GMT -6)   
I don't know how you got so down on yourself. But realize, people like different things. What you find unattractive about yourself, another person might find that to be attractive. You just have a very bad self image and that can be changed. We are all special and unique in our own ways. And you are too. I hope we can help you to see that. Don't be so down on yourself all the time. You aren't even giving yourself a chance. Counseling would help you see yourself differently. I hope you try it.

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

bayoub2
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 2861
   Posted 9/23/2011 8:31 AM (GMT -6)   
You are stuck in a negative vortex, one thing feeding into another...it feels like you'll never break out. You are in trouble so:

Find an adult who seems trustworthy and ask to talk, you may not be able to spill your guts at first, but just talk. Hurry please!!!

When I was in a locked down psych unit, each morning in group we had to say our name and the say one good thing about yourself. Most of us were attempted suicides so that was hard. Some days it could be as stupid as "I brushed my teeth this am" or "I ate my peas" but after awhile, you will go deeper and find small things inside you, good things and thwey start adding up to good stuff.
I still do this, find one good trait and find one thing I am grateful for, and it is enough to get me thru one more day.

You can't give up today, tomorrow may hold the key

Please talk to someone.

Maggie

anontruths
New Member


Date Joined Sep 2011
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 9/24/2011 4:39 PM (GMT -6)   
help is just so far away. my family seriously can't afford it. i'm going to try to see if there's anyone i can talk to. i only trust one adult and i can't tell him because i know he'll be so disappointed in me. and he's the only adult that believes in me. it just sucks. like, he's such an awesome person i couldn't tell him the truth because he'd be disgusted with who i am. he thinks i'm some wonderful, smart, student and i'm not. i'm stupid and lazy. and lethargic. i don't know. maybe i will but most likely i won't be able to afford to seek counseling. and nothing really offset this. i've always known how pathetic i am. i've always been called ugly i just am now coming to terms with it. i'm learning to accept it though. for every beautiful, happy, smart person there's me. the ugly, depressed, dumb person. for every beginning there's an end. for every white there's a black.

sore42long
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2011
Total Posts : 235
   Posted 9/24/2011 7:23 PM (GMT -6)   
Anontruths,well at least your honest now and Itruley belive that is the first step to liking yourself ,let your self be you and be honest!I know once people lie to me I know longer waste time on them!I suggest a counsellor to start ,next we make are own happiness in life ,which I belive comes from self achivement and doing things we enjoy ,sounds like you need to start trying new things and finding what your good at!being negative is like being miserable,Its good to want to change now when your young ,then wasting years being unhappy !There are also books you can read about postive thinking ect ,at least you are aware of what you are doing and its now up to you to change that behavior.In the mean time learn to be your own best friend treat yourself like you would like someone else to treat you!I hope the best for you !take care
New Topic Post Reply Printable Version
Forum Information
Currently it is Wednesday, September 19, 2018 10:22 PM (GMT -6)
There are a total of 3,004,959 posts in 329,180 threads.
View Active Threads


Who's Online
This forum has 161752 registered members. Please welcome our newest member, minhthu215.
325 Guest(s), 5 Registered Member(s) are currently online.  Details
sebreg, Casey_LB, Alxander, InTheShop, oregonhay