oh well. mental illness and illnesses suck. have been since i was very young, mentally unwell that is. and i have my reasons of which i have worked through, but still come up from time to time. i don't know at the moment, people are the same with me, but you get that, we all do. time is a mongrel of a thing. memories are beautiful and heartbreaking, i have lost so many. i am far from perfect, but i am a compassionate man and see myself as a decent bloke to my friends and family. i look after every bugger, i am everyones darn therapist!!!! being a qualified counsellor don't help!!!!! no it is fine. everyone needs support, regardless of the situation / predicament.
this newish dx of rapid cycling bi-polar disorder is one doozy of a condition. it rattles you and affects you in so many ways, and it's effects are plain debilitating. the depression with crashing is brutal, and depression is something i know well. the thing with rapid cycling bi-polar disorder is you don't know what is coming next. it stuffs up relations big time. something i have found out. and this sucks big time. i love people and i am a people person, but because of this i am reclusive.
i challenge and work on all of my conditions, many have been psych, others haven't. but i have been through some personal hell due to something non psych related at that time; and from this i have been stuffed in the head since. i am not about to tell you my life story, i remember giving a very candid first post when i came here to my hw family. i guess i am just transfering some chaos and writing it down in a healthy way; for as i said in a post on bp, i feel like smashing myself. i am angry at the levels of impairment i have had over the journey and everything i have done to combat it. geez i have seen everyone and done most things. i just wish the world would cut me some slack. i know you guys are doing it tough and i thank you for your cointinued support.. and i hope i am there for you too.
we are all beautiful people. we all live with a depressive illness. as my mum says, this is you, but it is not you. i just don't beleive in myself at this time. by geez i am trying. my shrink calls me complex.......not jamie. lol. in there is me. the fun loving, happy people person whom enjoys others and life. i want to liberate him. he is getting deeper in the muck, and i am very worried that he will not be able to saved. i am tired, and tired from the day but from existance. it has been a life at a million miles an hour.
i don't know. and i am trying not to know. as people say i am getting too old for this ****!!!!!
luv you all. with much healing compassion to you all.
EMOTIONALLY UNSTABLE PERSONALITY DISORDER,
RAPID CYCLING BI-POLAR DISORDERREMEMBER TO LOVE YOU. BE YOU AND BE TRUE.