Long Update (Things aren't really going well)

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New Member

Date Joined Dec 2010
Total Posts : 8
   Posted 9/24/2011 7:01 AM (GMT -6)   
 It's been a VERY long time since I last updated, so I don't know if any of you remember me or not, but anyways I'll go on with what I have to say. In April my grandmother died after battling cancer for 7 long years. In March, she started not being able to walk, so we took her to the hospital and found out she had developed an inoperable brain tumor. She opted to not recieve anymore chemotherapy because it wasn't doing very much for her and went under Hospice care. This was the worst and stressing time of my life ever. Everyday I had to come home and help take care of her and watch her get worse and deteriorate everyday. Hospice sent us a nurse from Care Advantage and boy was she a lot of help. eyes   She was so young and inexperienced that I felt as if she was scared of my grandmother, Actually during my grandmother's last week of life when I had to administer her medicine to stop from seizuring and asked for help, she did say she was scared. I really wish we could have received someone older and more experienced who also could have been administered to give medicine. She basically just sat around watching MTV and came upstairs every few hours to give my grandmother food and ask did she need to be changed. After the nurse would leave I would have to watch my grandmother for six hours until my mother came home from work. These times were so hard for me. I would go to school all day, come home to watch my grandmother, and then wait until the middle of te night for my mother to come so I could get a few hours of sleep to start that routine all over again. about three weeks after the diagnosis, my grandmother's condition had gotten so bad. She was no longer able to talk and was seizuring. I had NO IDEA what to do. I was all alone trying to care for her. I would call the Hospice care number and they told me to administer medicine to make her stop, but it didn't. After three days of this a REAL nurse came over and declared she was actively dying and needed to be taken to the hospital. Two days later she passed away. I can't really describe how I feel or am dealing with her death. I don't cry about her death(or anything else) anymore since she passed. I just get into these funks every now and then when I realize she's not here anymore. It's so weird walking around my house and past her room and not seeing her or hearing her voice and being able to talk to her. She along with my mother raised me since birth and since my mother would work a lot I feel as if my grandmother raised me more than my actually mother. She wasn't just my grandma she was like a friend to me....pretty much my only friend. I could talk to her about anything, anytime. I can't do that with my mother because she doesn't really like to talk to me. They say time heals, but I know there will always be an emptiness, sadness, and lonliness inside of me.
 On a lighter note, I graduated high school in June. I was suppose to attend a community college in the fall, but my I didn't get my financial aid straight enough in time to register for classes, so I have to wait until the spring semester. I plan on going here because after two years I can transfer to any university in my state. I plan on majoring in science. After my experience I've decided to help research a cure for cancer. I don't want people to have to go through this disease anymore. I'm not really sure what that professions name is though. I don't want to actually work with cancer patients(although I probably will have to) because it breaks my heart and makes me upset to see the sick patients. I just want to work like behind the scenes in a lab researching cures.
 My two year job search is still having unsuccessful results. I apply EVERYWHERE in my area with no luck. I try to make an effort to call the hiring managers to these locations to hear "We're not hiring", or "We'll call you if you fit our needs." It's really taking a toll on not only me, but my mother. She works a part-time job that pays crap. Since my grandmother's not here anymore we're having a difficult time paying our bills. My mother is very mad at the fact I'm unemployed because I can't help pay the bills or buy us food to eat. She makes it seem like it's my fault, but I can't control the fact people don't want to hire me. Life is really kicking my ass right now.

getting by
Forum Moderator

Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42611
   Posted 9/24/2011 8:44 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi Princess,

I am 52 and I found time does heal. But that doesn't make it any easier now does it?

Try to stay busy, keep putting applications in, maybe you are meant to have a small break before you start working. Keep bugging the people if you have a way to. That lets them know that you are interested. That is what I did to get my last job. Thogh I know in your profession it is probably different.

Keep trying to help your mom around the house, until you get a job too. You mioght have to settle for somehting less at this time, but you will get tthe job you want eventually.

I hope things work out for you. Sorry this is so short, just got up...

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia

fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

Elite Member

Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 20279
   Posted 9/26/2011 4:23 AM (GMT -6)   
my deepest healing compassionate prayers i send to you. know that we care. jamie. keep posting. am so sorry for your loss.


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