Wish I'd known

stumpytroll

Regular Member

Joined : Mar 2005

Posts : 39

Posted 3/30/2005 12:37 PM (GMT -6)

I found this site today. Wish I'd known about you all months ago - from what I've seen if I'd been able to talk to you perhaps things wouldn't have got so desperate.

Had a breakdown in Jan 05 and am fighting hard to recover. MAking good progress, although have had a very teary day today for no real reason. Hoping to return to work in two weeks.

A bereavement 18 months ago opened up a whole series of emotoins and feelings - sorrow, guilt, inadequacy, sense of failure etc etc. Many of these had been kept pushed down for many years. As the depression deepened I managed to fool everyone-husband and kids too -until the overdose no-one knew anything was wrong. Over the time I lost control of the family finances, saddling us with huge credit card debts, wasn't coping at work so now may lose my job as a result of incompetence and now fully understand the concept of 'balance of mind was disturbed'!

Husband, kids and friends have been great but still times when I want to chat to people outside this circle - if I'd been able to talk to you before I might have been able to salvage more.

Things are improving - finances being dealt with - will take some time (years) to fully sort, but have begun. Returning to work in 10 days- will just have to see how things go - if the job goes then the finance becomes a problem again.

Thanks for allowing me to vent like this - I've read replies to others and just knowing you are all there helps.

Hugs to all Stumpytroll

ken 21

New Member

Joined : Mar 2005

Posts : 1

Posted 3/30/2005 3:25 PM (GMT -6)

good luck my partner going through a simillar scenario. hope its blue skys from now on .

stumpytroll

Regular Member

Joined : Mar 2005

Posts : 39

Posted 3/30/2005 5:40 PM (GMT -6)

Thanks for that. It's the partners who suffer too - without your support and understanding there would be no future.

RainDance

Regular Member

Joined : Mar 2005

Posts : 253

Posted 3/30/2005 7:19 PM (GMT -6)

Hey Stumpy.. Welcome..

What's your location? You in the Lower 48? I ask because, I was a Payroll Adminstrator for a major Corporation and, know a bit about this kind of stuff...

Here in the states, (Californina) we have State Disability, which sounds like you would qualify for. That will cover one year, if you are unable to work because of the depression, or whatever the Dx is.

Does your company have Long Term Disability? That normally will pick up after the SDI ends.

Check out if your doctor thinks you are unable to work and see what he will be willing to sign for.

If you are about to lose your job and, it is Because of the depression that you are unable to do it, you cannot be fired for an illness. And the depression is what made you incompetent, I'm guessing.. ?

Talk with your health providers and therapists and see what they say about your state of mind before you took time off. If it all points back to severe depression, you might be able to get the disability while you recover completely.

Good luck and keep us up to date.

RainDance

Don't forget.. Drink your water.. :)

stumpytroll

Regular Member

Joined : Mar 2005

Posts : 39

Posted 3/31/2005 3:32 AM (GMT -6)

Hi Raindance
Will follow the advice-am seeing occupational health people from work soon and HR so hope to get some positive outcomes.

Stumpytroll

Having2LeftFeet

Regular Member

Joined : Feb 2005

Posts : 472

Posted 3/31/2005 4:33 AM (GMT -6)

Welcome and you have come to the right support group. Everyone here is wonderful and have helped me out of the depth's of loneliness. You can say how you feel and no one will judge you. See, I call the it the"name without face. People only know you by your member name and your subject of issue you have. (most of us have several)

I'm sorry you had a breakdown but look at this way. You are finding your way back. That's the good thing. You have recognized your shortcommings and are facing them head on. Remember one thing. You are the one person you have to believe in. Once you get that conquered, you can go on to the next one. Having the support of your family really helps too. Some of us don't have that luxury.

As for screwing up your finances, boy can I relate. My husband is a gambler and thank God we moved away from that. If he really wanted to gamble, he could go to Conn. but he knows it would ruin us financially again. We were so far in debt that I had to declare bankruptcy and lost A #1 credit I had on my own for over 35 years. He had to bankrupt too and then we had to file together. We had every credit card maxed, lost our home, business and 2 brand new trucks for the business. The worst thing I lost was my self-respect and the respect of family. They are very judgemental. It's not the way of the Lord, it's just them. I try hard not to judge as the Lord said "Just not, lest ye be judged" and I figure we will have to answer to Him at the pearly gates. We now live in VT and he has a great job that he's good at and all his customers love him (he's a retail territory sales for a big company in dairy and others) He has a hard time expressing his feelings. He takes very good care of me but sometimes to excess on things. I am praying for a miracle.

I hope you find comfort and solace here. Don't be afraid to tell us anything. Remember, you are a name without a face.

"Lefty"

There is no such word as can't. Can't simply means wouln't. Grab as much as life as you can. Future is a long way away for those who don't believe. Don't build a foundation of life on sand. It will take it away with the tide. Love a little more, be unkind a lot less.

Post Edited (Having2LeftFeet) : 3/31/2005 8:16:14 AM (GMT-7)

stumpytroll

Regular Member

Joined : Mar 2005

Posts : 39

Posted 3/31/2005 9:39 AM (GMT -6)

Hi Lefty
Your message has confirmed that I have finally found somewhere I can share feelings without pressure or censure. I am lusky in so many ways - as my husband said 'it's only money'! Will keep in touch and thanks for your words od support

RainDance

Regular Member

Joined : Mar 2005

Posts : 253

Posted 3/31/2005 10:04 AM (GMT -6)

Hi Stumpy,

Your husband sounds like mine.. ! :) Except when the money isn't there then, he pouts.. haha.. Make up your mind.

HR is a good source for all the info you need. And the doctors are your key to what you can qualify for. I do know that if you can get the Disability going, it takes a very large load off of your shoulders and really helps with the ability to begin healing.

Let us know how it goes for you and just take this healing one day at a time.. you will get there.

RainDance

Don't forget.. Drink your water.. :)

Having2LeftFeet

Regular Member

Joined : Feb 2005

Posts : 472

Posted 3/31/2005 10:42 AM (GMT -6)

I am happy that you feel some comfort here. Everyone needs a place where there comfort zone is, and able to say how they feel and what they are thinking. It also allows you to be yourself. You'll know you have a soul mate by the feelings and connection and an understanding between you and the members. There's only one thing to remember. Do not beat yourself up. What happed or is still happening to you is not your fault. We cannot take charge of the things that invade into our lives and make themselves feel right at home. You should see me sometimes. When I get mad or have a bad day, I get the broom and I instantly open the back door and "sweep the devil out". I tell him to "get the heck out of my house" and then I feel better. Sounds silly but whatever works for me.

Read a lot and post often. Together. each one of us helps and in turn we help them. These things go hand in hand. C-ya on the boards!

"Lefty"

CheerDad

Veteran Member

Joined : Apr 2004

Posts : 2284

Posted 3/31/2005 10:51 AM (GMT -6)

Stumpy,

Want to add my welcome. Your story is not that much different than many of us here, or at least mine. I too have repressed most emotions for the past 35 years. The only one that I was willing to let out was anger. Now that anger has damaged my relationship with my wife and 2 oldest daughters. The feelings of guilt, inadequacy, shame, and failure are all too familiar to me. I too have massed up my debt to the point that I am working 2 jobs to help pay the bills. Had a meltdown 18 months ago and am just now finding the light I was so desperatly looking for. I guess what I am trying to say is keep looking, there is an end to this and you can find it. It is not easy, but it is there. Slowly, step by step we travel in whatever direction we are facing. I hope you can find the path out of this storm and step by step get through it. Please keep us posted on how you are doing.

We can respond to irritation with a smile instead of scowl, or by giving warm praise instead of icy indifference. By our being understanding instead of abrupt, others, in turn, may decide to hold on a little longer rather than to give way. Love, patience, and meekness can be just as contagious as rudeness and crudeness.

Randy

stumpytroll

Regular Member

Joined : Mar 2005

Posts : 39

Posted 3/31/2005 12:51 PM (GMT -6)

CheerDad, Lefty and all,
Your support has got me thro a bad day. I know All the theories - before my breakdown the last thing I did at work was to produce a staff booklet on stress management and Mental Health issues! Going through it is sooo different. Feels so good to know there is somewhere to go - and people who understand.

God bless

Hugs to all

Stumpytroll

RainDance

Regular Member

Joined : Mar 2005

Posts : 253

Posted 3/31/2005 2:10 PM (GMT -6)

Hi Stumpy,

Well, sometimes we go thru things only to find out that we didn't really understand what others were going thru, when we explained to them how to deal with their issues. Can't really understand the processes, feelings, fears etc., unless we've been thru it ourselves.

Guess you could call this stage of your life a "Practicum."

When you come out of this, you will be of great value and a guiding light to others. So, take notes, there Will be a Quiz.. !

RainDance

Don't forget.. Drink your water.. :)

stumpytroll

Regular Member

Joined : Mar 2005

Posts : 39

Posted 4/1/2005 7:30 AM (GMT -6)

Raindance
Never was any good at quizzes!

Stumpytroll

Ralph

Regular Member

Joined : Aug 2004

Posts : 139

Posted 4/1/2005 8:24 AM (GMT -6)

H2Lf

In one of your posts, you may have said you are in Vermont. I'm just north of you.
Correct me if I'm wrong.

Stumpytroll. How did you come up with that "handle" ?

Having2LeftFeet

Regular Member

Joined : Feb 2005

Posts : 472

Posted 4/1/2005 9:55 AM (GMT -6)

Happy, Friday!!!! Today is another day and enjoy it. C-ya on the boards and I'm glad you found ut to and that you have already began to settle in!

Hugs

"Lefty"

AlwaysRosie

Veteran Member

Joined : Jan 2005

Posts : 8616

Posted 4/5/2005 9:42 PM (GMT -6)

Hey Stumpytroll . . . just wondered how you are doing this week??? I hope things are looking up! We'd love to have an update . . .

Blessings!

In His Grip,

AlwaysRosie
Psalms: 139

^{UCTD (Undifferentiated Connective Tissue Disease),}

^{Hashimoto's Thyroiditis, Depression, GI Probs, High BP, Glucose Intolerance}

stumpytroll

Regular Member

Joined : Mar 2005

Posts : 39

Posted 4/7/2005 7:40 AM (GMT -6)

Hi all,
Haven't been able to post as husband is working from home and younger son writing degree deisertation - unable to get near computer!
Things a bit more positive - re-mortage came thro so should be able to settle worst of debts soon. Am seeing Occ Health on Mon and hope to get back to work on Tues/Wed. Own Dr happy to sign me off - says I'm making good progress. Still worried over job tho - can't afford to lose this or won't be able to meet new mortage - but trying not to jump fences before I reach them!
I'm not in the US - based in UK, but this is by far the best site I've found.
Stumpytroll 'handle' give by sons, both over 6 feet. I'm short and fat (not being negative -weigh 300 pounds) and sons are Warhammer gamers and very into 'Lord of the rings' - hence name. Must add it is given in love and I think it suits me perfectly!
More upbeat this week with no tears for 5 days. Still v fragile at times, but continue to be blessed by the love and support of family and close friends - not to mention you all.
Will be able to post more next week - will keep youinformed of progress

Thanks for being there

Love and hugs

Stumpytroll

AlwaysRosie

Veteran Member

Joined : Jan 2005

Posts : 8616

Posted 4/7/2005 12:10 PM (GMT -6)

Oh Stumpty!

Thanks for the update (and the kind words). Sounds like things are coming all. Don't forget that life isn't always rosy. But it sounds like you are gaining back some coping skills.

Your boys are sweet . . . giving you a nickname. Thanks for sharing. My nickname comes from the rash on my cheeks . . . my cheeks are "AlwaysRosie". Lupus can do that and I have a "lupus-like" disease which is autoimmune in nature.

You said it well . . . don't try to jump all those fences befoe you reach them. Employment is tenuous even for those who don't realize it. I'm glad you were able to get a handle on that debt. Phewwww that is draining. Now . . . to keep it that way.

Keep checking in with us.

Blessings!

In His Grip,

AlwaysRosie
Psalms: 139

^{UCTD (Undifferentiated Connective Tissue Disease),}

_{Hashimoto's Thyroiditis, Depression, GI Probs, High BP, Glucose Intolerance}

^{I have no medical training.}

^{The message above is my sincere attempt to share with you. You are now my friend. Thanks for being here.}

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