Yay another frustrated depression vent by me. :P
Lots of my depression lately has been due to environmental and situation things, as opposed to just feeling depressed for no conscious reason. But yeah, lately my depression has been due to just a whole bunch of crap going on.
Been dealing with physical health problems/chronic pain since last December. On and off issues with my father and boyfriend and their mental...'quirks'. Now it's money issues.
I live with my father and boyfriend, and we live together in a mortgaged house that's been in the family for several generations. Well, the mortgage is horrible. While we don't owe as most as some people...our property is priced horribly. Our property valued at around $50,000, however the loan is for more than $70,000.
Well, my father is on a fixed income after working for years in the military and PA state department and he makes a nice amount of money every month. But due to his poor spending habits and the amount of the monthly mortgage payment--we've always run behind. Then we got a huge bill for property taxes--apparently our property is expensive enough to warrant ridiculous taxes, but not a refinanced loan--it was like $2300 for 2010. We had to pay it or they'd sell the property. So we paid it, but had to skip a month of the mortgage. Now we owe for THAT and now they are going to foreclose on us unless we can find $3000 by October 14th. Which is like 3x our normal payment. Plus we'd have to do a record, vocal commitment to that payment or it'd be foreclosed on immediately.
Plus, we had both cars break down. Neither of them are very new, but for them to both break down at once is really awful timing. Over $1,000 to get them running. We needed at least the one fixed so my boyfriend could work and I could go to appointments.
THEN our dryer has been broken since early August. We've been using a clothesline outside but its just becoming less and less warm out so pretty soon we'll have no way to dry most of our laundry easily. (We live in a rural area. I've never even actually SEEN a laundromat in a 20 mile radius of my home before.)
I'm so upset and angry, and just start feeling ashamed of myself for not being able to help work or something. But I'm also angry with the mortgage company...and especially--ESPECIALLY--my father.
I'm not so angry that I am showing it outwardly, but it just eats away inside of me. He's mental state is so messed up and he's so misguided. I know we could be living a better life if we put our minds to it--lower expenses, stop bad purchases--but my father won't do it. I need this house right now because I can't work. I'm stuck with feeling like I should apply for disability, but it upsets me because I'm 22 years old and was in the middle of trying to go to college when my health problems happened. So I lost my part time job and my education, and now I am stuck at home trying to treat my illness/condition.
I plan to sit down tomorrow and demand my dad and I go through all his expenses, because we need to cut back in any way possible and get this payment out before they foreclose. Even if we don't lose the house through it, they tack on all kinds of legal fees to your already astronomical balance and then still want your current payment. :)
I know there are loads of people in worse shape than us, so I am not trying to throw a pity party...it is just that I feel like nothing can go right for us. I really wanted to be in a different place than where I am now in life, but I feel stuck and worthless sometimes. I just wish there was something else I could do to help in this situation, but I really don't know what else I can do. We tried to refinance before to no avail, and I have tried making up budgets for our household and doing things like cutting our cable and phone bill down...but my father just keeps spending and spending. I just really feel like I am stuck relying on him, and he is barely hanging on as it is--so if he falls, so do I.