Iv become such a depressing little kid. I know Ill get past this, eventually.
Its just, I don't understand why things happen this way.
My name is Brendan Adams. I live in Louisiana. My whole life I've felt as if.. I am incompetent. Little. I cant
put a finger on why I feel this way.. its just how I am. I've moved so many times that I have never learned how
to make a true friend. Yeah, I have good friends that say they would take a bullet for me and all that cliche stuff
but.. no one that I can really talk to and
open up. I have so much anger and frustration building up inside my head..
and i'm becoming a person that I don't want to become. My thoughts aren't suicidal, they're rather creative. I like
to think that I have a unique perspective on life.
I used to live in Oklahoma, but when I was 12 or 13, I moved to Louisiana. I met this girl at the new school.. and
she turned out to be my first girlfriend. We were pretty childish back in the days but.. I basically grew up
and matured through her for the short time I was with her. We had been dating for about
3 months, when I moved yet
again to another city about
40 miles away. Soon after that, she moved also which made the distance about
We didn't break up though when we moved. We should have, I guess it would have made things a lot more easier, but
we didn't. We kept the long distance relationship going for a little over a year. I ended up breaking up with her
because there were difficulties of course. Distance, missing each other.. that pretty much ate me up and I cracked.
After that, I felt.. idk, I changed. I felt many mixed emotions about
what was going on. Its been over 4 years
since iv seen her. We still talk from time to time.. mainly over the internet but we call each other on occasion.
Back when we were dating.. I was.. very stupid. I knew how to treat a girl, but I didn't know how to treat myself
really. I let this girl, take over my life. As if she was the one and only thing that mattered in life. While that
doesn't exactly sound bad.. it became nerve wrecking when the one thing that I cherished most, left my life.
But the most retarded thing about
all of this is that after 4 ****ing years.. Iv only grown to love her more and
more. I tried to move on. Iv only had one other girlfriend after I broke up with her, But she ended up cheating on
me so it was basically nothing. just another dumbass girl :P.
But this girl, for lack of better words, Id have to call her my soul mate. A lot of people use that word so often and
downgrade it, but take the true definition of soul mate, and that would be her. I love her, I care for her. I miss
her to death. But it just doesn't stop at that. I could explain forever how I feel about
her but it wouldn't make a
difference. She's single at the moment, and If I just had a way to be with her, to actually be able
to care for her,
things would be smooth again.
I guess that's it for now, I dont know why I dwell over this chick so much.. but its all I know really. I cant seem
to conjure the guts to ask anyone else out because as I've said, I feel too incompetent and lack self esteem.
I just don't know where to go from here on out. I'm sick of being stuck in this state of depression.
Post Edited By Moderator (getting by) : 10/5/2011 9:24:08 PM (GMT-6)