Does this sound like psychotic depression?

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violetsky
New Member


Date Joined Oct 2011
Total Posts : 6
   Posted 10/7/2011 12:52 AM (GMT -6)   
Hello, I'm new and my name's Violet. I'd appreciate help, maybe from other's experiences?

For the past month I have been getting depressive and paranoid symptoms. I am reluctant to say I am delusional, because I'm no expert, and was wondering what you thought.

A bug flew into my mouth and since then I'm convinced it's living in my throat. I'm too scared to tell my GP, as I know it sounds stupid. Every now and again I freak out and start panicking, thinking about it embedded there and how it will soon release something dangerous. I can sometimes feel it.
Also, when I started college, one of the students was overly friendly with me, and he acted like he knew things about me. He had this look in his eyes, and I was certain that he was sent as a spy from the council to get information about me and exploit me.
I recently told my flatmate I felt suicidal, and he seemed concerned but went out with his friends. I knew it was because he wanted me to die really. It made so much sense, but when I confronted him he denied it. I wasn't convinced.
After that I was put on section 136, and when I had an assessment there was a nurse standing outside looking at me so strangely. I started freaking out and thought that something awful was happening and he was really some sort of law official. There was this look in his eyes like he wasn't who he said he was and he was out to get me.

I feel like I'm being watched a lot. Often feel confused and on edge. I'm very suspicious of people. I do not trust anyone. I am severely depressed, can't look after myself, and have even made plans to end my life (I don't wan't your sympathy or hate, just advice). I always feel like I've done something wrong, and a lot of the time like something terrible is about to happen, or I've done something bad which I can't remember (I am not dissociative & have no hallucinations).

I know how stupid this all sounds, and that it seems preposterous, and I have not told anyone about my paranoid thinking as I'm too worried about what they might think. The depression and paranoia have seem to come on together in the past month when I started college, although I've been severely anxious with depressive bouts for years. I am also diagnosed emotionally unstable personality disorder.

If anyone answers this, I know you might say to see a professional, and I actually am tomorrow, I really just wanted to know if anyone has any opinions about this (I'm not asking for you to diagnose me). I just want to make sense of it all, and it might help me to open up tomorrow to the psychologist.

losij24
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2011
Total Posts : 20
   Posted 10/7/2011 1:40 AM (GMT -6)   
Sorry I won't be much help since this is really for a professional to handle but no you don't sound stupid there had to be something that triggered all these thoughts and emotions of yours. Fear is normal some have more of it than others. Never hold back when you know how you are feeling or thinking isn't quite right just because you feel you will be judged. There is help for you and you need to get it. I lost a friend because of depression, he committed suicide and I feel terrible when ever I hear about someone wanting to take their life. Whatever it is believe you will get better! Just keep your head up.
Kidney problems. Joint pain. depression and anxiety. migraines. muscle pain. high cholesterol. low vitamin d. inflammation.

10mg lexapro
30mg cymbalta
20mg amytryptilline
1000 IU vitamin D3
10 mg prednisone
Codeine
Vicodin
Muscle relaxants

violetsky
New Member


Date Joined Oct 2011
Total Posts : 6
   Posted 10/7/2011 3:48 AM (GMT -6)   
thanks. i'm trying to keep things together

bayoub2
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 2861
   Posted 10/7/2011 4:40 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi violetsky

Beautiful name even if you are not feeling beautiful right now. I'm not sure where you live but if you feel you cannot go see yr regular doc, find a counselor or psychiatrist now.

Those paranoid feelings are not preposterous at all, but they are a sign of psychological illness and are totally real to you. College is a very hard time for alot of us, and the stress can bring on some disturbing symptoms.

Your feelings are real, but I think a little skewed. I'm not a professional, but my heartfelt advice is to see one as soon as possible. You need to be honest w/ them, build some trust, tellthem right away you do not trust anyone..there are medications that can help you, but only if you believe that that someone is in your corner, not against you.

I hope you seek help, life can be better. I feel badly for your worries. You are young and stronger than you think. Keep us posted
Please take care

Maggie

violetsky
New Member


Date Joined Oct 2011
Total Posts : 6
   Posted 10/7/2011 9:05 AM (GMT -6)   
Thank you Maggie. I saw a doctor today, and she did not shed light on my paranoia, but is referring me to the CMHT. I also received a call from a GP, who wants to see me in a couple of hours. I am quite overwrought about seeing him.

I really do appreciate the support from you guys.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42609
   Posted 10/7/2011 9:29 AM (GMT -6)   
HI Violetsky,

Welcome to the Depression forum. I am glad that you are receiving help at this time. Do let us know what the GP says. Know we are here for you.

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

Steelcody36
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2009
Total Posts : 86
   Posted 10/7/2011 1:35 PM (GMT -6)   
Violet, I am sorry you are suffering the way you are.

I'm glad that you are seeking help, which is what you need. If a bug flew into your throat, it would be long dead and unable to do anything to you. It happens all of the time, and is nasty but won't cause you any harm. People are going to be friendly to you in college, and others will be mean. There aren't any spies watching you. That is delusional and simply something you have to tell yourself not to even think about. Nobody wants you to die either, and if you are suicidal you need to tell that to doctors and friends as well.

Suicide is a permanent solution for a temporary problem.

People will look at you funny if they believe you are acting strangely. This is life and some people stare for no reason at all. Just ignore that and understand that looks cannot hurt you. Doctors, nurses, counselors, and the like all want to help you. It is their job to help you, and there are many people suffering with similar symptoms to yours. You MUST be honest with these people and realize they are there to help you. If you don't tell them everything, don't expect answers or relief. You must be honest with them, just as you were with us in the original post.

You are not weird or crazy, you just need help like many of us do. Everyone in this world needs help at some point or another.

Let people help you, and you will be feeling better about everything. Healing takes time, and you can't do it alone.

Please keep us updated, I hope you feel better soon.

CM

bayoub2
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 2861
   Posted 10/7/2011 1:37 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi violetsky
I am so glad, it seems there are some caring people rallying around you...

I hope you can be honest with the GP today. Would you please let us know how it goes

?
Write here anytime, one of us is usually close-Take care

Maggie

violetsky
New Member


Date Joined Oct 2011
Total Posts : 6
   Posted 10/8/2011 6:32 PM (GMT -6)   
This is upsetting, so please don't read further if you might be disturbed.

Thank you guys. The doctor wants to see me on Monday, and the home treatment team have visited closely. The paranoia and anxiety causes me great stress and makes me more depressed. I am struggling as I feel very conflicted. A part of me fears for my own safety and wants help, and another part just wants to shut it all out and end my life. I am scaring myself and feel like I can't trust myself. There is a little part of me fighting, but I don't know if I can hold on. I know it's my choice and my responsibility to ask for help or end my life, I am just so confused what to do. I'm sorry to anyone who reads this, I don't mean to whine or burden you, I'm just in a very dark place and I have no one I can honestly tell the truth to because I'm so torn.

Not looking for a response, I'm just trying to make sense of this myself.
 
Sorry for the edit but we aren't allowed to discuss these things on the forum...
 
I sure hope that you feel better soon.  I will post some resources for you...

Post Edited By Moderator (getting by) : 10/8/2011 6:01:10 PM (GMT-6)


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42609
   Posted 10/8/2011 7:03 PM (GMT -6)   
This is what I found in depression resources...
 
 
 
U.S. Helplines
National Suicide Hotline
1-800-SUICIDE (1-800-784-2433)
This is a combined network of the Amerian Association of Suicidology, the National Hopeline Network, CONTACT USA, and many other organizations. Call are automatically routed to the nearest crisis center to the phone from which the call for help is placed.

NDMDA Depression Hotline | Support Group. 800-826-3632
Suicide Prevention Services Crisis Hotline 800-784-2433
Suicide Prevention Services Depression Hotline 630-482-9696
AAA Crisis Pregnancy Center 800-560-0717
Child Abuse Hotline | Support & Information 800-792-5200
Crisis Help Line | For Any Kind of Crisis 800-233-4357
Domestic & Teen Dating Violence | English & Spanish 800-992-2600
Parental Stress Hotline | Help for Parents 800-632-8188
Runaway Hotline | All Calls are Confidential 800-231-6946
Sexual Assault Hotline | Up 24/7 - In English & Spanish 800-223-5001
Suicide & Depression Hotline | Covenant House 800-999-9999
Nineline | Teen Peer Support: http://nineline.org/
TeenCentral | Teen Peer Support:
 
 
 
Please contact suicide hotline.  know that we all care about you here...
 
Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

bayoub2
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 2861
   Posted 10/8/2011 7:18 PM (GMT -6)   
Dear violetsky

You CAN have a wonderful life. There is life after sadness and terrible thoughts. There is help out there for you: medication today is better and better, therapists, group help and US!!!

Please call a helpline. You are obviously a very intelligent, articulate sensitive and caring person. I have BEEN where you are and if you really keep feeling like this, go to an emergency room and tell them. They and we are here to help, but they are closer. Talk to someone tonight. Promise me you will, violetsky!! And yes, we are worried about you, your thoughts cannot stop us from caring how you are. So, let us know soon what is going on?

Take good care
Maggie

stillme
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2011
Total Posts : 556
   Posted 10/8/2011 7:41 PM (GMT -6)   
Praying for you Violetsky. Please call the crisis line or go to the hospital for help if you get too consumed. I am in just about the same place too. We might need to call to help reign in all of this stuff that's going on. See, we know its just stuff but sometimes we need someone else to help us put it all in perspective.

Steelcody36
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2009
Total Posts : 86
   Posted 10/8/2011 8:52 PM (GMT -6)   
Violet, please remember that you have the power over your life.

No matter how bad you feel things can get better if you allow them to. Let people help you, especially if you continue to feel so badly. We are here to talk to you and I try and check in a few times a day. Please feel free to message me if you need to. I will respond to you as best I can.


Cody

violetsky
New Member


Date Joined Oct 2011
Total Posts : 6
   Posted 10/8/2011 9:45 PM (GMT -6)   
I do feel powerless but maybe that will change. I've called the Samaritans and told them exactly how I feel. I'm still unsure about talking to people who have the potential to hospitalise me; maybe things will get better. All support is very much appreciated.

bayoub2
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 2861
   Posted 10/9/2011 12:02 AM (GMT -6)   
Your fear of people who havd the ability to hospitalize is understandable. I felt the same way. I'd think "oh, I can't say that!!! They'll think I'm loony and put me in the bin"

BUT!!!!I've gone in 3 times and I always came out feeling so much better, physically and mentally. Sometimes I admit myself....there is nothing wrong with that.

What did the Samaritans say? Thank you for replying. We'll be right here. Hang in there

Maggie

violetsky
New Member


Date Joined Oct 2011
Total Posts : 6
   Posted 10/9/2011 6:57 AM (GMT -6)   
The Samaritans were very supportive, they do not give advice but have good counselling skills. They are calling me in a couple of hours as agreed last night, as they know I've just seen the outreach team and know my reservations.

I told the outreach team that I can't trust myself. The guy didn't really seem to take it in, and was going on about how I just need to look at the positives. I became quite hostile and told him I didn't want them to come round again. On Friday, the outreach team were very hard to talk to as well, and one of them kept talking over me, forcing me to look at him, and kept making references to winning the lottery. I think these guys, despite their experience, have not had proper training, they are all community psychiatric nurses for people in crisis, but I feel like they are clueless. They are patronising, and always rush the whole process, never letting me voice all my concerns. I know they are probably very busy, but I am left feeling alienated.

I see my GP tomorrow. Maybe he will help.

bayoub2
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 2861
   Posted 10/9/2011 7:33 AM (GMT -6)   
They sound like a bunch of cretins.

I' am so happy to see your post. You are really strong and I am proud of you. Second by second if you have to. I despise people that infer if you just had a positive attitude everything would be all better. On the other hand, we must try to feel there is some hope or it is difficult to get better.
Please hang in there. Going to get some coffee Take care

Maggie
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