What is this? Depression or not?

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Ian Jones
New Member


Date Joined Oct 2011
Total Posts : 1
   Posted 10/19/2011 1:50 AM (GMT -6)   
I need some advice on diagnosing what I am going through, which I think is either some kind of depression or some kind of weird thing. So, most of the time I feel what are commonly referred to as symptoms of depression: I feel sad, I want to be alone, I don't want to talk to anyone, a general attitude of "What's the point?" in everything I do, including living, and sometimes I am really irritable. I am just always feeling empty. Sometimes I feel like I have a sort of emotional paralysis; I don't care too much of the good or bad things that happen to people, and sometimes I'll bluntly tell them (if they are talking to me) I don't care (though not usually, most of the time I'll just pretend I care.) On the other hand, there are times where I will get excessively teary over something like small things or very irritated over small things.

There are other times in which I will feel happy and cheerful and be very outgoing. This is often when I will make friends and get people to like me. However, even during these happy times, I don't want to be happy. In a way, it's as if I disliked being happy and just wanted to go back to being sad. I often bully myself (Weird?) into being sad because I really don't want to feel happy at all (Kind of hard to explain, lol). These feelings also result in my not wanting any friends, because I don't think I deserve them, so I'll isolate myself and not talk to them, making them think I am being rude to them.

I guess a short way to describe these feelings would be: I am a pessimist toward myself because I tell myself I am useless and worthless, but I am an optimist for everyone else because I feel they are all better than me and can do anything they set their mind to. I have nothing to live for really, and I don't care too much about my future or finding a wife (which I constantly tell myself every day will never happen, since I am not worth being loved). But I don't want to die either, because it will invoke feelings of sadness or anger in people that I really feel aren't worth their time.

I think I should also mention that, I isolate myself from everyone, both friends and family. I try to let them know as little as possible about my personal life, as it bothers me greatly if they know anything about me, so they don't know I feel any of this, and I don't want them to know. I should also note that, I don't consider people my friends, more like acquaintances, lol.

Post Edited By Moderator (getting by) : 10/19/2011 7:29:43 AM (GMT-6)


misterkatamari
Regular Member


Date Joined Jan 2011
Total Posts : 374
   Posted 10/19/2011 4:09 AM (GMT -6)   
Sorry that you've been going through this, and thanks for sharing.

While I can't diagnose anything, I would say that it definitely sounds like you have some sort of depression. If you can't talk to your family about it, then I would greatly suggest seeing a professional--even if it means telling your family doctor first. When you're feeling like this, the best thing you can do is to get help.

But yes, wanting to isolate yourself, lacking motivation and energy, loss of interest, and suicidal thoughts or actions are all symptoms of depression. It could be you have a combination of things going on at once, though it does sound like the depression is the main thing causing you problems right now. I really hope that you can reach out and get some help for this, because it isn't something you can really do alone.

Also, for what its worth, you aren't 'weird'. Bullying yourself and being overly critical is a typical thing with people who suffer from depression and other mental/emotional disorders. Even though I've been dealing with depression for years, I still sometimes slip into bashing myself. It can be a slippery slope when you start to gang up on yourself, and it can sort of spiral downwards from there. So it becomes easy to slip into that habit. But yeah, you're not weird and you're not alone--you just need some assistance right now, and you deserve to get that assistance and feel better--even if you don't think so right now.

theHTreturns...
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 20279
   Posted 10/20/2011 4:59 AM (GMT -6)   
agree with patrick you are certainly not weird nor alone. with healing compassion i send. thx for posting your situation ian jones. welcome to the forum as well. we care. jamie
EMOTIONALLY UNSTABLE PERSONALITY DISORDER,

RAPID CYCLING BI-POLAR DISORDER

REMEMBER TO LOVE YOU. BE YOU AND BE TRUE.
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