I had one over 40 years ago, very dirty little secret back then, nice girls didn't do that so I had a ton of guilt about it. I mourned for a long time, and I think you willhave to go thru stages of grief: denial, anger bargaining and acceptance. Talking to a counselor is a reeeaallly good idea. You did what was best for you at that time dear, forgive yourself, God already has.....
I now have the most awesome 15 yearold daughter, when I was married, got partying out of my system, emotionally stable. You need to give your child the very best odds of having a good life. Back then, you didnoy probably have those resources..
You have been forgiven, now go talk to someon who can make you forgive yourself.