New Topic Post Reply Printable Version
[ << Previous Thread | Next Thread >> ]

New Member

Date Joined Oct 2011
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 10/22/2011 10:27 AM (GMT -6)   
I have a family background that isnt the best, isnt the worst, but bad enough that makes me scared for the future. Im scared of never being good enough. I have faced abuse, been labeled as a burden and I thought when I turned 18 I would be free. I thought that when I was an adult, I could move on, move past all my emotional, physical and physcological pain, however it isn't the case. It has since been almost 5 years and I am still haunted by my past.
I was engaged, had my wedding plan and was supposed to get married in August of this year. I ran out on April 4, 2011. I ran because of fear. I was afraid one day he'd wake up and regret asking me to marry him, I feared getting left like everyone else had done; my mom, my dad, my friends...I ran to the only thing I knew; chaos, confusion we can label that one as the REBOUND. I asked for space from my fiance to figure out what I wanted. I was scared, got cold feet and needed to figure out what I wanted. He didn't give me the space I needed until a week before our wedding date and then quit talking to me. After a couple weeks of having my space I realized he WAS everything I ever wanted and needed. He was my best friend, my everything. I have since been trying to fix what I have done and yet he says he can never forgive me for walking away and hanging out with someone else so soon after our relationship ended.
I can't eat, I have no desire to do much of anything, I have no energy, no ambition. I feel worthless, empty and like I have NOTHING to look forward to...
How can someone wake up one day and love is just over? How can I fix this so that I am okay, because obviously he is.

It's Genetic
Veteran Member

Date Joined Mar 2010
Total Posts : 1540
   Posted 10/22/2011 11:07 AM (GMT -6)   
Hello, Shameful23, and welcome to the Depression Forum.

It's a given that what we do to others, we also do to ourselves. He's free because he didn't run away from his responsibility to you. You're having a problem with it because you ran away, in a sense, and it has come back to haunt you.

The best thing you can do for yourself is to let go and let time do its thing. If it's meant to be he might consider asking you to marry him again. If he can't feel the depth of trust that is needed in a marriage, both of you would be better off to find another whom you can trust.

You'll get over it in time; that's what it's going to take and counseling if you feel you need it. It sounds, frankly, that it would help you move along a little faster in recovery if you did see a psychiatrist and take appropriate anxiety medications if they are prescribed to help you through the trauma.

I assume the 23 represents your age. You have a whole lifetime ahead of you, so look for the light and keep your heart clear and bright for the future.

Take care.

It's Genetic

Post Edited (It's Genetic) : 10/22/2011 10:16:00 AM (GMT-6)

New Member

Date Joined Oct 2011
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 10/22/2011 11:15 AM (GMT -6)   
I have seen a counselor, talked to friends and yet I feel worse now than I ever have. I agree that he may be free because I was the one who walked away from my responsibility to him but he knew my past. However, that doesn't help me accept it. I do think that without trust no relationship can survive and if he isn't able to forgive me and trust me then our relationship would never work.

I need to find some ways to relieve the stress. I don't have insurance, so medication is out of the question. Counseling is nice, but I dont trust counselors and dont feel it is helping that much. Only time can heal things but in the mean time I need to find a temporary solution. I have lost 16 lbs in 3 weeks, am to the point where its hard to keep food down, Im tired all the time. I work two jobs and dont have a hobby or a way to relax because I dont have family and do what I need to to survive. I feel like I need an outsider to help give me some ideas as to what I can do. This isn't how I want to live. I want to be okay again.

It's Genetic
Veteran Member

Date Joined Mar 2010
Total Posts : 1540
   Posted 10/22/2011 11:24 AM (GMT -6)   
I wrote a bit of an epistle to BlackKityKat earlier today on things she
might do to improve her situation. Please go down the line on this
forum and look for BlackKityKat's post and the responses there. Some
other members offered advice which was much better than mine on
things that young lady might do to improve her situation. (It isn't the
same as yours, certainly, but she is having similar problems with depression.)  The thread is called "16 And Over It All "; it's three steps down from your thread.

You may have to resort to checking with social services in the area in which you live to get help for counseling. I don't know which state you're in, but I understand that some states have their own health program that provides services free. You might be eligible for some of that, but you need to check into it, Shameful23.

Do some investigating on your own into counseling with a minister if
you can't find help through social services.

Take care. Keep the faith.


Post Edited (It's Genetic) : 10/22/2011 10:34:37 AM (GMT-6)

getting by
Forum Moderator

Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42612
   Posted 10/22/2011 11:44 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi Shameful23,

Did you ever think that this relationship may not have been meant to be? With you needing space and then him needing space, maybe there is somebody else in your future.

I suggest working on you with your issues before you go through another relationship. There are many self help books that you could get. Look on amazon, you can often find used books that help you.

There is also a free site that many members use called moodgym.

Google it and see if it can help you. You are at the age where you need to focus on your own health. I suggest seeing a doctor because you could have something else going on. That quick of a loss of weight is not healthy. It may be just stress, but it is worth finding out. Maybe a doc can give you some samples of anti anxiety medication until you can work something out. We need to be proactive about out health. You are an adult now and it is up to you.

I hope that things work out for you and that you feel better soon. Take care, keep us posted on how you are doing.

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia

fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

New Member

Date Joined Oct 2011
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 10/22/2011 11:51 AM (GMT -6)   
I do feel that there is a reason that everything happens, but I needed my space because it scared me being happy. None of my friends seem to understand that all my life I have been a burden and unwanted so when I got treated with respect and love I didnt know how to handle it and I ran. I do believe time will heal this and either mend the relationship or I will move on. Im considered about the health factors for the current time.

Other than the stress I have been fine, so I know the weightloss and feelings are from the stress of the situation.

I will defintely try the self help books and the moodgym. The doctor i will wait a little bit longer on just because of financial reasons.

Thank you for all your advice!!

Veteran Member

Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 2861
   Posted 10/22/2011 6:42 PM (GMT -6)   
there are free mental health clinics everywhere-I live in boonies Mississippi and we have a great clinic and will make sure you get some no more excuses young lady....go get your life back

with love
New Topic Post Reply Printable Version
Forum Information
Currently it is Sunday, September 23, 2018 12:48 PM (GMT -6)
There are a total of 3,005,865 posts in 329,273 threads.
View Active Threads

Who's Online
This forum has 161808 registered members. Please welcome our newest member, bumed.
260 Guest(s), 6 Registered Member(s) are currently online.  Details
Kent M., Vdang2k, mibella, jberda1, 61Impala, straydog