Oh my aching head and heart

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New Member

Date Joined Sep 2011
Total Posts : 19
   Posted 10/24/2011 9:36 PM (GMT -6)   
To continue the saga that started with "is it depression or situational"..... M-I-L has been having pain in her side since she moved with us. We took away her Benefiber and she said she felt better. Went to the doctor about a week ago and she told him about the pain. He wants to do an ultrasound of her lower abdomen. Looking for bladder issues, uterine issues or whatever. She has never had one so is freaked out about it. Worried that she will lose control of her bladder while having the test, etc. etc. Nothing will ease her concerns. She also is going to have a barium swallow test to try to find out why she chokes so much. These are the topics that fill my days. Hubby is working 2 to 3 days a week and when he is home he wants to do the work around the house that has been neglected so is unavailable to discuss things or he is too tired and just wants to sleep. We only seem to be able to talk through text messages when he is at work. He only gets frustrated with her and with me or just laughs the issues off and says not to worry that it will all be ok. Everyone is in a state of denial including me. I have to deny what is going on or I'll run screaming out of the house while pulling my hair out. I still think that my depression is situational but it seems so deeply rooted that I don't think it will ever go away even if the situations improve. Head hurts from banging it against the wall, heart hurts from no loving support from hubby.

getting by
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Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42201
   Posted 10/25/2011 5:55 AM (GMT -6)   
I think it will work out too. Be positive about the situation. Your mil is probably scared and feels that she is a burden. Maybe you could clear that up for her.

It is hard taking care of the elderly. I have done it before. It is work and worry. But try not to worry about things, and hopefully they will work out. I know that you are frustrated, but try to lighten up the situation a little. Have confidence that things are going to be okay.

Best wishes to you.

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia

fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

Veteran Member

Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 2861
   Posted 10/25/2011 7:39 AM (GMT -6)   
Your mil chokes alot? Does she spit up phlegm/saliva? My bro in law would cough, start choking=it was so disgusting. I'm sorry that sounds cold but he wouldn't even cover his mouth(he's a hard cord drunk) It turned out he had a growth (benign) in his throat. After the fixed that , he was fine. His dentist saw it first.

Good luck, you have my best wishes for a calmerweek

"We never realize how strong we are, until being strong is the only thing left"
Major Depressive Disorder, ptsd, fibromyalgia, chronic pain, l3/4, L4/5 gone, bursitis arthritis sciatica

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Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 2042
   Posted 10/25/2011 8:48 AM (GMT -6)   
Even if your depression is not strictly situational in nature one thing is certain that your situation isn't helping. At this point I honestly do not think what is causing it is as important as taking care of it. It is kind of like a house of fire. When the fire department arrives they really are not overly concerned about what started it as they are at putting it out. Once the fire is under control then they start looking for the cause.

For what it is worth, I think you have and are being treated unfairly. Your husband really should be a lot more involved in the care of HIS mother, but even if it was your mother he should be more involved because in my opinion a marriage is a partnership in the business of life and each partner should share in the joys, the sorrows, the challenges and the rewards equally.

I also think you are a wonderful lady for shouldering this burden and doing the best you can with it. I know many people who would have said heck with it and walked out by now, but you have shown great character by sticking it out and should be commended. I realize and understand it has been very difficult but you have and continue to put out a lot of good into the world through your actions and you should be proud of that. One day all the kindness you have shown will be revisited to you and then some. I am a firm believer in what goes around comes around.
2 confirmed herniated lumbar discs. Spinal Arthritis. Spinal Stenosis, diabetic peripheral nueropathy.

It's Genetic
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Date Joined Mar 2010
Total Posts : 1540
   Posted 10/25/2011 9:35 AM (GMT -6)   
Hello, Idyblu, and welcome to the Depression Forum,

Your mother-in-law's fears are derived from the fact that she does not understand what ultra sound testing is. Try to explain it so that she can grasp what she will be doing:

She will be asked to put on a hospital gown, perhaps be able to keep her underclothing on, in part, and will have a cold, jelly-like substance placed over the area where the doctor will slowly move a hand-held medical device over the jelly to take pictures by ultra-sound. Explain that there is no pain, that she will be very comfortable, because the doctor or nurse who tests will make sure of that, and that the staff will remove the jelly after the full range of pictures is made. She will be permitted to dress and then leave the hospital. No pain, just maybe a little cold sensation from the jelly if it hasn't been brought to room temperature before it is applied.

I think she might feel better about it if she could have you or someone else close to her also in the room where the procedure is being done--just for security's sake. (You can reassure her about accidents by letting her know that you will ask for help at the hospital before she has to undress for the procedure. I feel sure they have measures to compensate for an accident.)
When caring for an elderly person, try to remember always that you are doing it for God.  That makes a significant difference in the headaches and heartaches you experience.

Take care.

It's Genetic

Post Edited (It's Genetic) : 10/25/2011 11:40:58 AM (GMT-6)

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