Depression has been destroying my life lately.
I am 19 and in my second year of college, about 6 months ago I got sent to the hospital and was diagnosed with clinical depression. Since then I have been rehospitalized once and my medications have been changed several times. I still feel as though my medication is not working. Over the past month everything took a turn for the worse and I have stopped going to classes even though I actually love learning, I don't hang out with my friends anymore, I cry at least a couple of hours every day, I have lost most of my hope, and self harm has once again found a place in my life.
I worked with the psychiatrist for so long trying several different medications and nothing seems to be working... I have gotten to the point where I have just started lying to everyone telling them I'm feeling better even though I'm not because after six months I am so tired of putting all this effort into something and not seeing any results. I don't know why but both my psychologist and counselor believe me everytime I tell them I'm ok, yet really I'm falling apart.
I just don't know what to do anymore, I've been lying to everyone for so long and don't know how I'm going to break the truth to them, but I do know that I have to. I'm just so scared.
Any advice on how to finally admit the truth?
Any advice on how I am supposed to ask my friends for help, I know they are there for me, and I want to talk to them, but I'm scared and don't know how to talk to them about something I don't even understand?
Any advice on how I can help myself get motivated again?
I just don't know what to do anymore, I do know that I want to fight it, but I just don't know how.