Do you remember when I told you that when you feel safe, emotions that have had to be suppressed for a long time will begin to surface? For someone that has been through what you have, this is a very normal and natural progression and it is part of the process with dealing with the loss and grief you have experienced.
You have started back at school now, how you managed to touch base with the school counsellor? Did Dad end up getting CYF involved as they can provide you with additional support that you will need as you adjust and heal.
The lashing out is only because you don’t know how to process everything and feel over-whelmed, it isn’t a good thing as it is an addictive behaviour, so we need to get you other coping skills that are healthy. I know you have a bad knee at the moment, but are you still able to run? Running probably saved my life when I was your age, when you run, your emotions are far less over-whelming, and you release endorphins (chemicals), which make you feel good for awhile. Instead of punching walls, punch the pillow on the bed till you are exhausted, (this will probably result in tears, which is a good thing too).
I need to remind you, you have done an incredible job and made choices that others around you may never have to make, they are lucky, but it also means, some will not understand as they can’t relate, this is when the strength you carry within is going to have to be the one person you can rely on, you, and your counsellor, not many kids your age have any idea what to do and say, they can’t help that, it’s not their fault, they are very lucky. This is one of the components that you are going to have to learn, the best person that can look after Jess, is in fact, our Lil Ole Jess.
Kiddo, I am so proud of you, I have so much belief in you, I am proud that you found the strength to post and let us know how you are doing, and I look forward to hearing how today is for you. Keep things simple, make no big decisions for a few months, and take each day as a new day. Yip, sounds like yesterday was a sucky day, today’s a new one, I hope that today you are able to touch base with your friend, say you are sorry and explain that you are struggling to cope with the big things that have been happening. When we loose a friendship, it really hurts deeply, so friendships are worth fighting for, even when we make mistakes.
Don’t be hard on yourself kiddo, stay strong, kia Kaha, arohanui tamariki ma