My son is depressed - don't know what to do

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Date Joined Aug 2009
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   Posted 10/30/2011 1:12 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi all -
my 18 yr old son is depressed and i don't know how to help him.  he came to visit today (lives with his dad's mom) and we talked quite a bit but not sure he will go to therapy.  he has anger issues and i think this is because of his low self esteem.  he is a very handsome boy with a great body (works out all the time or used to until recently when he started working full time) and has no reason to be down on himself except that his dad has never really cared.  he is an alcoholic.  now my son's friend's brother got run over by a car and died.  my son is using that K2 stuff i think to self medicate.  he is very irritable and rude to everyone.  he fights with his gf and today i found out he hasn't been eating much.  it was 4 pm and he was upset and i asked him when he ate last and he said yesterday.  what do i do???? 
i worry so much about him.  when he's mad i know he drives wrecklessly.  in fact, he rolled his truck about a month ago being late to work and he could have been seriously injured but he wasn't. 
he has mentioned to his gf about everyone would be better off if he was gone.  he does have ADHD but isn't on meds.  i think they are dangerous. 

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Date Joined Jul 2009
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   Posted 10/30/2011 2:08 AM (GMT -6)   
Until he either wants help or proves that he is an immediate danger to himself or others there is not much you can do to help him.

As far as that "K2 stuff" goes, if you are talking about the synthetic marijuana that is going around, that stuff is very dangerous. It is known to cause hallucinations, create dangerous blood pressure, delusions, etc. It is a lot more dangerous that the real stuff.

It is so dangerous that it has been outlawed in many states already. You might want to check and see if it has been outlawed in your state. You can call the local police department and ask.

Since your son is 18 you can not really force him to do anything on your own. Your only options other than to continue to try to get through to him and get him to voluntarily go for help are through legal means. If he is doing illegal substances you can notify the police and see if you can get him arrested and then talk to the prosecutor and get him into a drug program. If you truly believe he is an immediate danger to himself or others you can call the police and report this and have him taken to a mental health facility for a mandatory hold/evaluation.

Quite honestly it sounds like a lot of your son's issues are stemming from the ADHD and it sounds like he does need to be on medication as well as in a complete treatment program for it. The right medication(s) in the right doses are not dangerous, and will help him greatly, but the meds can only do so much and the rest he has to be taught and learn how to do. The real "trick" is finding a doctor who has a lot of experience in treating ADHD. I speak from experience on this as I have a son, who is now 21, who also has ADHD. Unfortunately he stopped taking his meds after he turned 18 and has gotten himself in a whole lot of trouble since then.

The biggest "problem" with ADHD is that those who suffer from it do not stop and think about their actions before doing something. They are highly impulsive and often act, extremely quickly, on the first thought that pops into their head. Perhaps the question you should ask yourself what is more dangerous. Your current belief about the ADHD medications or your son's behavior.
2 confirmed herniated lumbar discs. Spinal Arthritis. Spinal Stenosis, diabetic peripheral nueropathy.

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Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 2861
   Posted 10/30/2011 6:03 AM (GMT -6)   
I couldn't have said it better Jim

My dtr was just diagnosed adhd...right now unwilling to even attempt to learm mew skills, establish schedule etc...will take meds, thank God. I'd say to hazelnut, his angry driving is way more destructive than meds...what if he hurt someone else?

K-2 is pure poison, they sell ir as potpourri here, legislature bans certwain herbs and the co comes up w/ somthingelse. We do not know what it is trreated with (sprayed on it)-we had a friend's son who died from it, killed himself while on it.

The unfortunate thing is of course, no one changes unless they wan to change... If he has someone he looks up to and trusts, try to get that person to have a heart to heart.

My family has been thru this w/ other familiy members. You will be in my prayers

Take care of yourself
"We never realize how strong we are, until being strong is the only thing left"
Major Depressive Disorder, ptsd, fibromyalgia, chronic pain, l3/4, L4/5 gone, bursitis arthritis sciatica

welbutrin HBP meds abilify seroquel hydrocodone flexeril klonopin magnesium

Veteran Member

Date Joined Aug 2006
Total Posts : 9664
   Posted 10/30/2011 11:49 AM (GMT -6)   
Only other thing is maybe look into tough love programs, or to tell your son he is not welcomed home till he gets
counseling, but that might push him over the top, wish I had better help to offer...
Jim, said things so good on this, he's 18 now and you can only ask him to get counseling.
Sure hope he can turn his life around soon, many well wishes to you both.
Prayers for you and your family, keep us posted as we do care...
* So many dx's I could write a book* "It would be nice if we could use the edit button in real life"...

getting by
Forum Moderator

Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42609
   Posted 10/30/2011 12:09 PM (GMT -6)   
HI Hazelnut,

I think you have gotten some very good advice. It is hard when they are at that age. All you can do is try to convince him to get into counseling. You can give him ultimatums, but I would be afraid that he would react badly to that.

Knowing that you love and worry about your children no matter what age they are, I think it is safe to say that we all struggle with this. Especially when they are getting to that age where they are going to be going out on their own soon. I wish you success with getting him to counseling. I am sorry for how he is coping. We aren't suppose to discuss illegal drugs here on the forum, so I can't get into that. Keep trying to convince counseling. Try to get him to open up and talk about his depression.

There are crisis numbers in our depression resources. Feel free to see if there is anything that can help him or you in there.

Take care, keep posting.

Hugs, Karen
here is a site that I found...
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia

fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

New Member

Date Joined Mar 2012
Total Posts : 3
   Posted 3/13/2012 4:30 AM (GMT -6)   
This is truly one tough situation to be in and I believe Jim has a point, you can never force someone to be provided help if that person doesn't even want to be offered help. Although I understand the worries of being a concerned parent and the dilemma of having to decide what's best for our kids. It's alarming to read about how many at risk youth we have today and we can only hope our kids do not end up in deep trouble in case immediate help is not sought.
Why not be honest about your fears if ever he doesn't seek for help, he might just become open about his problems to you too. You can consider calling for police help if and only if he's in danger of his own behavior, especially other people around him, you cannot tolerate such situation if you truly care.

getting by
Forum Moderator

Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42609
   Posted 3/13/2012 7:04 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi there Hailey_mom,

WElcome to the depression forum. This is kind of an older post. Just so you know. I hope that you enjoy being here on the forum. Keep posting.

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia

fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

getting by
Forum Moderator

Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42609
   Posted 3/16/2012 6:56 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi Lisamarin2012,

Welcome to the depression forum. I am glad that you have joined us. You are right about exercise and meditation. They both really help.

I hope you are doing well. I am glad you posted and hope that you stick around.

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia

fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies
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