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older guy
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Date Joined Oct 2011
Total Posts : 972
   Posted 11/1/2011 4:14 PM (GMT -6)   
Some of the feedback i have gotten on this site has been helpful, so here goes.

For those that don't know me, i suffer from depression. i was in the hospital for a MDD episode back in May and June.

I'm just really uncomfortable today - like I want to jump out of my skin. I'm also really bored. And having a hard time putting my finger on what exactly is wrong. Even having a hard time expressing myself here.

Being unemployed really sucks. I'm used to having a focus to my days, now they just seem like one long boring thing.

Tomorrow I have a job interview at a staffing agency. It will be nice to finally talk to someone about being employed!

Anyway, just wanted to say I am here, not doing well, and would appreciate hearing from others. Thanks.

blue4noreason
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2011
Total Posts : 26
   Posted 11/1/2011 4:41 PM (GMT -6)   
Just want to let you know I read your post and don't want you to feel ignored. I posted this morning and then checked back throughout the day to see if anybody responded... nothing. Then I started browsing around the site and noticed that the depression forum doesn't really get a lot of traffic. At the time I checked there were 23 people logged in and of the 23 most of them were posting in either ulcerative colitis or prostate cancer with a few other non-depression topics mixed in. Knowing that there was so little traffic helped me not feel abandoned.

Mike

older guy
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Date Joined Oct 2011
Total Posts : 972
   Posted 11/1/2011 4:50 PM (GMT -6)   
Thanks Mike, that was really kind of you. Yes I have been coming here for a little over a week, on some days I would get freaked out by not having any responses (weird old popularity stuff), but eventually someone responded.

I discovered there is also an anxiety forum, and since so much of what I deal with besides depression is anxiety, it was nice to find that and I am reading some of that and it is helping.

2coolcookie
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2011
Total Posts : 54
   Posted 11/1/2011 5:04 PM (GMT -6)   
Hello Display,
glad you are still here. I know what you mean when you so want to connect with someone and hoping someone will respond. I'm having one of those days too. Just can't shake the anxiety. I finally got an intake for a women's treatment program at a fabulous hospital in New England. I have attended it before when my son was first diagnosed with his bipolar depression. It was so helpful. they do a lot of DBT so I'm really happy about that. Its a step in the right direction but there has been no school for a couple of days and due to power outages which means kids are home. Trying to keep my son occupied when I'm feeling out of sorts is a bummer. I feel like I need to do more with him but I'm just not up to it. He has a friend over today. Keeping him busy and I love to know he has a buddy to hang out with.

Just wanted to say hello.
good luck with the interview.

cookie

blue4noreason
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2011
Total Posts : 26
   Posted 11/1/2011 5:05 PM (GMT -6)   
Glad to hear you are getting good feedback. I just joined 4 days ago because I was having a particularly dysfunctional day and searched out depression resources looking for just this sort of forum. I was quickly spoiled by getting instant feedback. I'm settling in now and understand the reality that I won't always get instant gratification. However, knowing my own feelings, how I hate feeling invisible, I can step up when I see someone else who just needs to know that somebody is listening.

Leaving work now and heading home, will check back in tomorrow.

Mike

bayoub2
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Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 2861
   Posted 11/1/2011 5:58 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi display

Just checking in too...kept myself busy today. My sister is coming to visit Thursday to Sat., so busy trying to do 6 months of housekeeping in 1 day_LOL!! So I am not crawling out of my skin TODAY, but it happens. I am so fatigued, yet jumpy, irritable..I think it is just another gift of depression. And most of us with depression also have some anxiety issues. The fun just never stops-LOL

Anyway, hope tomorrow is better for all of us.
cookie-great news about the program...good things are happening for you and your son, keep those in mind.

Sometimes, I don't answer a post because I'm too depressed to express myself, or I have nothing good to advise. But I know I check all the time when I post so I try to answer something even if it is banal, ok?

Have a good night to all and a better tomorrow

Maggie
"We never realize how strong we are, until being strong is the only thing left"
Major Depressive Disorder, ptsd, fibromyalgia, chronic pain, l3/4, L4/5 gone, bursitis arthritis sciatica


welbutrin HBP meds abilify seroquel hydrocodone flexeril klonopin magnesium

older guy
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2011
Total Posts : 972
   Posted 11/1/2011 5:58 PM (GMT -6)   
Thanks Mike and cookie,

cookie, what is DBT?

Just wanted to mention, I also suffer from anxiety. Maybe because I am so used to feeling anxious, I never thought about seeking out a forum for that. Anyway, have found the forum for that on here and it's helping a lot. Some really good links, too.

Display

idea

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42609
   Posted 11/1/2011 7:07 PM (GMT -6)   
DBT is dialectical behavioral therapy. I have not tried it myself. I was in therapy for CBT though, cognative behavioral therapy. I will try to find some info on DBT for you.
 
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dialectical_behavior_therapy

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

Post Edited (getting by) : 11/1/2011 6:10:47 PM (GMT-6)


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42609
   Posted 11/1/2011 7:11 PM (GMT -6)   
Mike,

I lost a post to you this morning. I don't know what happened. But all I can think of is I didn't click on submit. I use quick reply often.

Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

bayoub2
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 2861
   Posted 11/1/2011 8:13 PM (GMT -6)   
Me too Karen, very frustrating.

Maggie
"We never realize how strong we are, until being strong is the only thing left"
Major Depressive Disorder, ptsd, fibromyalgia, chronic pain, l3/4, L4/5 gone, bursitis arthritis sciatica


welbutrin HBP meds abilify seroquel hydrocodone flexeril klonopin magnesium

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42609
   Posted 11/1/2011 8:41 PM (GMT -6)   
Did you lose a post today too Maggie? It is very frustrating. Because it was in the morning, by evening, I can't remember what I wrote. My fibromyalgia is that bad. I can read a post from morning and it feels like reading it for the first time. Strange. That's me though.

I hope you get a good nights sleep. I am going to bed soon.

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

stillme
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2011
Total Posts : 556
   Posted 11/1/2011 8:48 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Mike and Display, know that we are here. Sometimes like Maggie said, I feel too down to respond however, reading the support and advice to others helps me a little.

Display, hope you were able to relax a little. I find that taking in and exhaling several long slow breaths calms me a little. Yes Maggie, this depression is full of tricks. We just have to try to roll with it until we beat it for good.

Good night all.

2coolcookie
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2011
Total Posts : 54
   Posted 11/1/2011 9:10 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Display, the DBT is a technique used to help people stay in the moment and not let anxiety take over. It also goes along with mindfulness which is very helpful in the moment when you feel overwhelmed and you stop to just be mindful of what's around you using your senses. There is a lot out there about that. It helps.

Here's a few things from my book DBT is comprised of four skill modules:
1. Core mindfulness skills: Mindfulness skills are the vehicles for balancing "emotion mind" (when thinking and behavior are controlled primarily by current emotions) and "reasonable mind" (when knowledge is approached itellectually, attending only to empirical facts)
2. Distress tolerance skills: Distress tolerance relates to tolerating and surviving crises and accepting life as it is in the moment. Radical acceptance.
3. Emotion regulation skills: Emotion regulation helps to identifly primary and secondary emotional responses in a nonjudgemental manner.

4. Interpersonal effectiveness skills. Interpersonal effectiveness includes effecive strategies for asking for what one needs, saying no and coping with interpersonal conflict.

DBT is a type of cognitive -behavioral therapy that involves a dialectical worldview with basic behavioral principles. An example of dialectical would be "I am absolutley ok as I am right now in this moment, and there are some things about myself I would like to change"

That's just a snip it from my book the last time I was in the women's treatment center. There are ideas for self soothing , radical acceptance. We took the worksheets and made scrapbooks out of old books. It was right up my alley with the creativeness.
This workbook was originaly for treating borderline personality disorder by Marsha Linehan but they have since found it helpful for treating other disorders as in anxiety and depression. I bet you can find lots of info if you google.
Good luck. It helps if you keep up with it.

cookie

blue4noreason
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2011
Total Posts : 26
   Posted 11/2/2011 9:19 AM (GMT -6)   
Hey Display,

Back in the saddle again. How are you doing today?

Mike

older guy
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2011
Total Posts : 972
   Posted 11/2/2011 4:01 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Blue Mike,

There is another Mike in another forum. so I'm going to call you Blue Mike, so that I don't get the 2 of you confused.

I'm doing well today. I had a really nice interview at a staffing agency today, the lady interviewer was really easy to talk to. It really put me in a better frame of mind about my unemployment. It was nice to talk in a positive way about past jobs and skills I have.

I am trying to keep myself busy.

How are you doing?
Display

depression and anxiety
-----------------------------
cymbalta, lamotrigine, zyprexa

bayoub2
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 2861
   Posted 11/2/2011 11:15 PM (GMT -6)   
Very glad to hear that display...sometimes it doesn't take a miracle to start feeling better, just a little light shining thru somewhere...

Gotta go get some sleep
Have a good night
Maggie
"We never realize how strong we are, until being strong is the only thing left"
Major Depressive Disorder, ptsd, fibromyalgia, chronic pain, l3/4, L4/5 gone, bursitis arthritis sciatica


welbutrin HBP meds abilify seroquel hydrocodone flexeril klonopin magnesium

blue4noreason
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2011
Total Posts : 26
   Posted 11/3/2011 10:22 AM (GMT -6)   
Ha! I like that name, blue Mike. Makes me imagine I'm part of the blue man group. I'm doing better, thanks for asking. It has helped me to write out what's eating at me and describe my situation here, and get feedback from others like maggie and karen.

I'm glad to hear that your interview went well. It sounds like it also helped you gain perspective on your own value and accomplishments. As men, we derive so much of our worth from our employment that as you well know it's tough feeling worthwhile without it. Just know that your worth as a person ultimately doesn't come from a job. The job will come in time, but you are no less valuable as a person while you wait.

blue mike

older guy
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2011
Total Posts : 972
   Posted 11/3/2011 10:59 AM (GMT -6)   
thanks Mike.

having a bit of a rough day today. i have one tooth that is still bothering me after a trip to the dentist. if it continues to hurt i will have to go back.

also realizing i really tend to isolate and that's not good. it's odd being unemployed, you are on the outside looking in, in one sense. though i don't like thinking about going back to work full time, it will be nice (if it happens) just to join the majority of people.
Display

depression and anxiety
-----------------------------
cymbalta, lamotrigine, zyprexa

greenbean885
Regular Member


Date Joined Nov 2011
Total Posts : 310
   Posted 11/3/2011 11:48 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi Display, I just picked up on one of your posts as I was browsing the forum- I'm new here :)

I hope that your day is manageable and that your tooth is getting better. I have confidence that you will find the right position for yourself- it seems like you have really decided that is something that you want.

blue4noreason
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2011
Total Posts : 26
   Posted 11/3/2011 12:53 PM (GMT -6)   
I want to respond to 1 phrase that you wrote, and hope I didn't misunderstand what you were saying. You said you don't like thinking about going back to work full time. Drawing from my own experience I think I know the feeling you are describing, one of preferred resignation. Depression is an evil seductress. After a while it starts feeling comfortable in it's misery, and the thought of coming out of it feels intimidating. I knew that when I came out I'd have to expend effort again that was either impossible or nearly so in my depressed state.

Have you ever read the chronicles of narnia by c.s. lewis? The movies are ok, but the books far far better. In the book "the silver chair" there is a scene that is very descriptive of what it's like trying to battle depression. All the while I tried to fight against depression, it was at the same time lulling me into sleep, making me want to do nothing but wallow in my misery and even enjoy feeling justified in doing absolutely nothing. I was terrified when they released me from the hospital. The outside world had become foreign to me and I had to somehow rejoin it. Depression is incapacitating and the last thing I want to do is imply that a person suffering depression can "pull himself up by the bootstraps". Recovery is a partnership between the individual and competent counsel and often medication.

I digress. Anyway, I recommend reading "the silver chair". Here is a link to a site that has the very section I think looks very much like battling depression.

cslewisjrrtolkien.classicalautographs.com/cslewis/bookexcerpts/silverchair.html

If you haven't read the book the names will be peculiar and the characters difficult to understand, but even without that prior understanding I think the message will still be understandable.

older guy
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2011
Total Posts : 972
   Posted 11/3/2011 3:02 PM (GMT -6)   
thanks Blue Mike, that was great. I have a small amount of experience with C. S. Lewis, and reading this just makes me want to have more!

Yes, depression can be like the dream-state the story describes. Hopefully, every day we can have something happen to help us out of it.

:-)
Display

depression and anxiety
-----------------------------
cymbalta, lamotrigine, zyprexa

blue4noreason
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2011
Total Posts : 26
   Posted 11/4/2011 10:17 AM (GMT -6)   
The only modification I would make to your statement is this... Hopefully, every day we can MAKE something happen to help us out of it. It requires making choices, even if we start off with baby steps and make minor choices as we are able. IMHO it really does come down to the choices we make. Feelings are the caboose on the train and they will follow wherever the train goes. You can't change the direction of the train by focusing on the caboose and there is no hoping the caboose changes direction on its own.

older guy
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2011
Total Posts : 972
   Posted 11/4/2011 12:28 PM (GMT -6)   
you make a good point, Blue Mike.

unfortunately a lot of days i can't seem to make the "good choices". i am trying to improve, though, and "steer my train" towards good choices.

today i am just sitting here waiting to hear back on phone calls. and otherwise trying to keep busy.
Display

depression and anxiety
-----------------------------
cymbalta, lamotrigine, zyprexa

blue4noreason
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2011
Total Posts : 26
   Posted 11/7/2011 12:43 PM (GMT -6)   
No activity since I left Friday afternoon.... How was your weekend and how are you today?

bluemike

older guy
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2011
Total Posts : 972
   Posted 11/7/2011 4:12 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Blue Mike,

I am doing OK today. I went to a 12-step meeting at lunchtime and that helped my mood quite a bit. I cried some while I was there, and it felt good to allow some of the tension to be released.

Meanwhile, I am trying to take action on finding a job. It's hard not to get caught up in anxiety and fear. Also hard to know if I am making progress.

The weekend was quiet. Sunday I slept til 4pm, which is not recommended for dealing with depression, but there it is. I did it anyway, I guess.

My psychiatrist, the last time I saw him, said I should try and be connected with others. I am trying to work on that.

What's new with you?

smhair
Display

depression and anxiety
-----------------------------
cymbalta, lamotrigine, zyprexa
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