Posted 11/13/2011 12:09 AM (GMT -7)
Thanks Karen & everybody who has made me feel welcome. Being a widow/er is a club no one wants to join.
I do write poetry and have been able to journal some about my feelings.
I just lack motivation right now with my depression. Music means a lot to me as well.
Of course my furry babies keep me going as I know no one else would care for them if I wasn't here.
I did manage to get up & get a shower today, went to the store for cat food and kitty litter, and made myself supper, which is more than I have done in 4-5 days.
Loosing someone close is so hard, be it a spouse or family member, and our family has been hit hard. I have lost 10 family members including my husband in the last 18 mos. I wish death would leave our family alone for a while, including me. It seems like he is always hiding in the corner of my darkness.
I have such troubling dreams, I dream that Jack is still alive but he is somehow lost to me, or doesn't want me anymore...its just awful. I wake up choking on my tears.
I am going to come clean with my therapist on Tue about how low I feel. She is always pushing me, saying how well I am doing, encoraging me to do more in my life...I hate to disappoint her. But I need to let her know what is going on.
I also wonder about the Fibromyalgia. I have a lot of symptoms, but medically I have a lot going on. I have tried dilligently to cut out artificial sweetners, colors etc, and also caffiene from my diet, I have a cousin who is on a "cave man diet" and her fibro, she says is much better. The only thing I can't seem to part with is my one soda a day...I need that delicious fizziness when I wake up. :)
Dx: Major Depressive Disorder, Anxiety, PTSD, Migraine, Diabetes, Chronic Pain from Arthrits & Back Injury
Major Meds: Cymbalta, Seroquel, Buspar, Vistiril, & I have been on almost all other psychotropic meds at some point or other since I was 15.