I am very new to posting in forums and I am hopeful that it will provide me with insight to my situation. I was in a relationship for two years when things fell apart in September. My partner had a close family friend take his life in May and for four months, I had no idea what was going on. Around the end of August, she had an episode of hysterics/panic with lots of screaming and crying. I did not take it personally because she admitted she was depressed and I knew that from that point on, I needed to understand she was suffering and not to take it personally. At this point, she asked me to help her help herself because she was scared. She saw her doctor, was prescribed meds, and started counseling. about
two weeks into this process, she quit talking to me. She didn't provide much of an answer, but what she did say stood out: that she couldn't keep hurting me; that she had to get out of "comfort" to help herself, and that she knew it wasn't fair to me.
I was very hurt and confused for the two months that we havent spoken. I am doing better now, and besides, this post is about
her, not me
We met for the first time last night, at my request. It has been very hard on me to not let her know how much I care about
her. I harbored a lot of pain from the depressive behavior and I wanted to get it off my chest. The meeting was neither good, nor bad; it was somewhat informative. My goal in this post is to obtain advice from people who have been in this position as the depressed person or a loved one.
She thanked me for letting her know how I felt; said it helped her remember things that bothered her. She said that she wanted to be able to also sit down with me and do the same thing, hopefully soon. What didn't make sense is that she hasn't made any progress in the past two months. At one point, she quit taking her medicine (I am not sure if she started back). She said that she does not know if she wants me in her life or not, but she will not tell me that she doesn't. Everything is just one big I DON'T KNOW. Can anyone please help me understand what feelings and thoughts she could be having??? I have read a few books and I understand that many things are probably very overwhelming for her right now, but how do you NOT KNOW if you see someone in your life?? I don't want to get frustrated with her, so please help!
I've given her the space she asked for, and I will not overwhelm her, but I do think that I need to play a more active role. Her schoolwork and life is slipping away. I know that I cannot stop it, but I feel like I am allowed to ask about
it every now and then so that she can not avoid everything that is piling up. I read an article about
depression that really helped me and in the article it explained that partners of loved ones CANNOT back away. They must remain present in-person because when the depressed re-build their lives, their priorities take different positions. If I am not around, she can actually build me out of her life. Has anyone found this to be true?
Please know that this is not about
me OR our relationship; it is really about
her. For right now, I think she is stable enough to be left alone, but because there has not been progress made and she quit her medication for awhile, there is the possibility that nothing is keeping her from being worse. She is at a standstill. Anyone who has had a depressed spouse, child, friend, relative, sibling, anything... must understand. You just can't give up on them, no matter how bad all of these things hurt. Even though she doesn't ask me to hold on, she doesn't tell me to let go. Even if she did, I wouldn't listen.
Please provide any wisdom or advice from personal experiences... what she may be battling, what is the best/worst things for me to do. I want to be supportive, but at the same time, tough love kicks in at some points and I can't keep watching her self destruct. Well, at least not happily.
THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR ANY RESPONSES!!!!!