Things I never really told anyone.

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FoX123
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Date Joined Nov 2011
Total Posts : 14
   Posted 11/3/2011 12:00 PM (GMT -6)   
As First I want to apologize for my english, since I am from post-communistic country somewhere in Europe, but I spent a lot of time talking with people on the internet, so I hope its not so bad at all.

I am 16 years old male, And I've been depressed for last 9 years. My parents got divorced when I was 3, and If I was my father, I would divorced with my mother too. She kept yelling at me for my entire childhood, she was obsessed with an idea that I'll have top marks at school, and she never really was allright, she got angry so fast...I was crying all the time. I visited my father once in 2 weeks. My father is ok, but he is in army so he never had time. Things got even worse when I was 11. New pupils came to our class. Till then, things were allright at school, I had some friends, I was always good in hiding my problems. But when they came in...they mentally bullied me for 3 years(really hard), I almost committed suicide back then, school was the only place where I felt at least little allright before they came in. And my stepfather was an ******, I had to do a lot of stuff at home because he was lazy, kind of cheap slave I was. Well I 'survived'. Now im 16, I dont visit my mother anymore, I live with my father. Well not really, hes a busy man, at work all the time so I live kinda alone. But im good with that. Im dead inside. Im angry. I dont like people. Im not able to have a close relationship. I have almost no dreams about the future. I feel almost nothing but nervousness and pain. Never ending pain. Sometimes im nervous like hell for totally no reason, well..almost every day. My head hurts like hell all the time, I had to kept visiting doctors, they dont know why does it hurt. I know why, but Im not able to tell anyone about my problems and about my feelings, about anything. It would be a straight ticket to psychiatry or somewhere. My only real friend is a PC and games. And I tried to get friends, Im a kind person but no one is really interested about me. I dont look like a psycho, I act normally, I just dont talk too much and I see things..different way. I'd like to have a girlfriend but there isnt any for me. And since my head hurts so much, I dunno if ill ever finish the middle school. Life is a hell, if there was a button to end it, i'd hit it...only thing i want to do is move somewhere really away..

Jim1969
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Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 2042
   Posted 11/3/2011 12:23 PM (GMT -6)   
First off I would like to tell you that your English is not that bad. I have seen worse writing from people who speak English as a first language.

Here in the USA and in many other countries there are mental health clinics that offer out patient counseling. You are not admitted to a hospital and the hospitals are only used for those who need very intensive treatment. These counseling sessions last about an hour and are held anywhere from once a week to daily depending on the needs of the person.

Are there any places like that where you are from, or doctors (psychologists) who have their own offices that you could go see? I can understand not wanting to be hospitalized, but I do think if at all possible you should get some counseling.

Depression is nothing to be ashamed of. It is a type of disease that needs to be and can be treated. In some ways it is no different than getting the flu, a cold, chickenpox or any other physical disease. The only difference is that depression effects your feelings and your mental state instead of mainly your body.

If there truly is no where you can get professional help you can try doing an intensive online search for internet counseling where your session are held in private chat rooms or through instant messaging. You are also more than welcome to talk about things here regardless of whatever other help you may get. Just keep in mind that none of us are professionals. We are people who either suffer from depression and/or people who simply want to help in any way we can.

Being a teenager and a young adult is hard enough when everything is going good, but when you add in things like you have gone through it makes those years really and truly suck. You are part kid, part adult, and totally confused and anyone who says they are not or were not as a teenager is refusing to face the truth.
2 confirmed herniated lumbar discs. Spinal Arthritis. Spinal Stenosis, diabetic peripheral nueropathy.

getting by
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Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42431
   Posted 11/3/2011 4:42 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi FoX123,
 
Welcome to the depression forum.  I am glad that you found us and joined in. 
 
Being a teenager can be difficult.  I think a large amount of teens suffer from some type of depression.  It sounds like you have a little anxiety too.  I have a few sites that might help you if you truly can't find help elsewhere.  Have you thought about seeing a school counselor?  It really is nothing to be ashamed of.  And you would be much farther ahead attacking it now other than later.  The sooner the better.
 
 
 
 
 
 
I hope that some of these are helpful to you.  Do keep posting and know that everybody here cares about you.  We do have other teens, just a few at this time.  But they come and they go.  So know that you are among friends that understand how you feel.  I am sorry you were bullied in school.  I was too.  It was not much fun.
 
Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

FoX123
New Member


Date Joined Nov 2011
Total Posts : 14
   Posted 11/5/2011 9:22 AM (GMT -6)   
I think it has not much to do with that im a teenager. I never really acted like one, didnt have problems with my father and such. Its just that I dont see point of living..Since no one gives a crap about me(literally) and I feel uncomfortable to even walk from my house to see all those people again. Dunno if I'll make it to counselor...Im afraid that im not able to tell anything to anyone..but I'll try.

And bullying wasnt the worst part. My mother killed me inside..i think I wont get out of it.

Post Edited (FoX123) : 11/5/2011 9:30:24 AM (GMT-6)


getting by
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Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42431
   Posted 11/5/2011 9:34 AM (GMT -6)   
You need to open up to your counselor in order to get help. Things seem overwhelming right now, but I am sure a counselor could help you change that. Don't give up on us. We are all here rooting for your success.

I know you feel hopeless. Alone and afraid... This is a part of depression and it can be fixed. You will feel better again, but it takes some work on your part. You have to help yourself. It seems hard right now, but take it one day at a time. Go witht he flow of life. It isn't that hard. Relax...

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

sos007
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2011
Total Posts : 615
   Posted 11/5/2011 9:00 PM (GMT -6)   
dear fox 123.....do not let your mother control the rest of your life...talk to someone let it out so you can win and start living a life you desearve(sorry about the spelling lol). you will find a girl to share your life with and have a family who you will love and they will love you in return. only keep those that are good to you in your life weed out the bad. can you talk to your dad...i know he is busy but maybe if you wrote him a letter telling him what you have been through and what you are feeling. it never hurts to try...keep your chin up and beleive me when i say life can be wonderful.....please do not give up. even if you want to keep posting maybe that will help..all the best....amy

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42431
   Posted 11/5/2011 9:51 PM (GMT -6)   
sos007,

Welcome to the forum. I am glad that you have joined us. You will find many kind and compassionate members here and a lot of support. Do keep posting and let us know a little about you if you would like.

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

theHTreturns...
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 20186
   Posted 11/6/2011 4:47 AM (GMT -6)   
welcome from me to sos007. jamie. i look forward to sharing with you.

fox i am in therapy, best move i ever made. you can do it. we care.

with much healing compassion to you, jamie
EMOTIONALLY UNSTABLE PERSONALITY DISORDER,

RAPID CYCLING BI-POLAR DISORDER

REMEMBER TO LOVE YOU. BE YOU AND BE TRUE.

bayoub2
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 2861
   Posted 11/6/2011 5:10 AM (GMT -6)   
If your father really knew what was going on inside of you, he would help you and "make time" for you...parents get wrapped up sometimes in being providers and well, growwnups. Let your Dad know, see a counselor, meds...I have a 15 yr old who is depressed too..she feels the same way sometimes..but life is precious and things will get better, we have to believe that...

Keep posting here and just try that counselor too. We care about you and how you are feeling so drop by anytime!!

Maggie
"We never realize how strong we are, until being strong is the only thing left"
Major Depressive Disorder, ptsd, fibromyalgia, chronic pain, l3/4, L4/5 gone, bursitis arthritis sciatica


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FoX123
New Member


Date Joined Nov 2011
Total Posts : 14
   Posted 11/6/2011 10:43 AM (GMT -6)   
......I cant even learn to school. Things getting worse last weeks. Its a hell. Im so darn nervous, my hands are shaking, my head hurts...I cant think of anything....Math is worst. Always sucked at it, but now...I just even cant...Thank god for caffeine. And anger...I could destroy things for no reason. I'd like to break my leg to not go to school tomorrow..anywhere. I hate this. I'd like to have a job at least instead of school. Worst thing on school is that its full of people. Full of 15-16 years old happy teens smiling having fun and no goddarn problems and they just dont get why I am different....how could they. I want to die...but Im not gonna kill myself, because part of my family which isnt totally ****ed up would think I was weak and I had problems, and they would be sorry for me. I would dissapoint them.....just thinking what did I do wrong, why me...People say childhood is the best period of life....Im bored of this, bored of life, bored of being outsider doesnt matter how hard I try...bored of being bored

Post Edited By Moderator (getting by) : 11/6/2011 11:09:59 AM (GMT-7)


bayoub2
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Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 2861
   Posted 11/6/2011 11:08 AM (GMT -6)   
I think that being a teenager today is really really hard..we were more protected from the real world when I was a kid (at least I was)..it is tough

All those smiling teenagers? Well, some of them are thinking the same kind of thoughts as you are, they just "mask" it. And that's not good. Anger can be a healthy response as lo9ng as you don't hurt your self (or others)...I used to bang on my painao, my brother played lacrosse to get outI hope the anger...

I hope you stay with us here...does it do any good to write your thoughts down here? I hope so...I can't do much but I can listen

Hang in there
Maggie
"We never realize how strong we are, until being strong is the only thing left"
Major Depressive Disorder, ptsd, fibromyalgia, chronic pain, l3/4, L4/5 gone, bursitis arthritis sciatica


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FoX123
New Member


Date Joined Nov 2011
Total Posts : 14
   Posted 11/6/2011 11:16 AM (GMT -6)   
Yeah, I feel better. But not now, when I know i didnt learn much and we are writing few important exams tomorrow....just cant get ANYTHING to my head.

And thank you for responses people..
And sos, I 'live' with my father, so I dont really need to write him a letter :)

Post Edited (FoX123) : 11/6/2011 10:31:33 AM (GMT-7)


bayoub2
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Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 2861
   Posted 11/6/2011 11:31 AM (GMT -6)   
Just do your best...I tell my daughter as long as she tried, that is all I can ask...I hope you get a good night's sleep Fox and slam those exams

Will remember you in my prayers

Let us know

Maggie
"We never realize how strong we are, until being strong is the only thing left"
Major Depressive Disorder, ptsd, fibromyalgia, chronic pain, l3/4, L4/5 gone, bursitis arthritis sciatica


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FoX123
New Member


Date Joined Nov 2011
Total Posts : 14
   Posted 11/6/2011 11:33 AM (GMT -6)   
bayoub2 said...
Just do your best...I tell my daughter as long as she tried, that is all I can ask...I hope you get a good night's sleep Fox and slam those exams

Will remember you in my prayers

Let us know

Maggie


Thank you. Well..I cant sleep at night, especially when im nervous, i hope for 4-5 hours.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42431
   Posted 11/6/2011 12:13 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Fox,

I think it is really important that you talk to somebody. You are really thinking a lot of negative thoughts right now. That can change. You may need something for sleep too. Something to help you focus on school. It is so important to learn as much as you can at your age. The more you know, the better off you are in this world. It really sounds like you need counseling and medication to combat the depression. Please do get some help.
 
Anger management might be another thing you might want to look into.  That can be controlled.  Don't lose hope.  It just takes a little proactive work on your part. 
 
Best wishes...

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

sos007
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2011
Total Posts : 615
   Posted 11/6/2011 8:15 PM (GMT -6)   
hi fox.....i do realize you live with your dad but sometimes it is easier to write it down than to talk about it. you are in my prayers...goo luck tommorrow.

sos007
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2011
Total Posts : 615
   Posted 11/6/2011 8:22 PM (GMT -6)   
dear getting by...thanks for the nice welcome. alittle about me...i am a 50 yr.old woman, who has suffered with depression,chronic pain,fibro an extensive nerve damage from 2 failed back surgeries. most of this started 2003. i work just over half time after being off work for more than 4 years and am happier than not working at all. the past 3weeks i have had to take some time off do to a flare up, so i am trying to keep busy as i tend to fall in to depression when i get these flare ups. thanks for listening.

getting by
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Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42431
   Posted 11/6/2011 9:09 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi sos,

I understand about the flare ups and how you get depressed. I have fibro too and actually a couple other members do too. You fight pain everyday and wonder if it is ever going to end. And with fibro, you never know how you are going to feel at any given time. You can't make plans, everything depends on how you feel. That alone gets stressful.

I am 52 and my fibro started about the same time yours did. I think maybe in 2002. I got my dx I think in 2003 though. Something like that. It is hard to remember. I still have the piece of paper that the doctor wrote it down on for me because I had never heard of it before. It is a hard disorder to llive with. I hope that your flare ends soon. Keep posting, try to relax and take life one day at a time. Do you do any meditation? It really helps you to deal with the pain. And to feel better. And make sure you keep moving around. If you don't, rigor sets in and that is painful.

Take care,

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

sos007
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2011
Total Posts : 615
   Posted 11/7/2011 10:35 PM (GMT -6)   
Thanks so much Karen...it sure is nice sharing with people who know what you are going through. I would not wish this on my worst enemy.....I was always so active and sometimes I will go with my husband to the grocery store, then by the time we get there I hurt to much to go in...so i sit in the van and watch all the woman my age make everything look so easy. By the time my husband would come back I would be in tears. Yes I am on meds an have a great doc so the last few years have been much better for me. Again thanks for listening......

As ever, Amy


Fibro,Chronic Pain, depression and nerve damage

bayoub2
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Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 2861
   Posted 11/8/2011 6:53 AM (GMT -6)   
Hey sos-

Welcome to the forum..sometimes we don't "see" you when you are in another thread, so sorry if I didn't say hi!!

Karen and I both post on fibro forum too and chronic pain, so you are in good company-lol. I knwo how hard it is to watch healthy people. They don't even know how lucky they are...I was always very healthy and this came out of nowhere..it takes a long time to adjust to new "normal" but you have to go thru stages of grief to deal with it...and there is life on the other side.

Keep posting and let us know
Maggie
"We never realize how strong we are, until being strong is the only thing left"
Major Depressive Disorder, ptsd, fibromyalgia, chronic pain, l3/4, L4/5 gone, bursitis arthritis sciatica


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bayoub2
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Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 2861
   Posted 11/8/2011 6:55 AM (GMT -6)   
Hey Fox

How are exams going? Been thinking of you...my daughter is depressed also and her grades always good are plummeting...she just started meds and therapy..I hope you can find some help, besides us

Please post agian and let us know how you're doing
Maggie
"We never realize how strong we are, until being strong is the only thing left"
Major Depressive Disorder, ptsd, fibromyalgia, chronic pain, l3/4, L4/5 gone, bursitis arthritis sciatica


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FoX123
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Date Joined Nov 2011
Total Posts : 14
   Posted 11/10/2011 1:17 PM (GMT -6)   
Well...pretty bad. Failed at math...Sorry for late response, didnt have time to get on PC, this week is being really darn hard at school, and my head hurts all the time....everything else is same s*hit...Life doesnt make sence..there's no one and nothing to life for around me...good luck to your daughter.

getting by
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Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42431
   Posted 11/10/2011 1:37 PM (GMT -6)   
HI Fox,

I am sorry that you failed at math. Is that your final grade? Or was it just a test? If it was just a test, you can still get your grade up. Keep trying. Focus. Math is a challenge. But you can do it.

Try not to make sense out of life. Just live it. That is the best you can do, and take it one day at a time. Put all your focus on your studies. That is what you are doing it for. First and foremost. It is hard work but anything good is. You can do this. We are here behindf you...

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

bayoub2
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 2861
   Posted 11/10/2011 3:44 PM (GMT -6)   
My daughter says so many of the same feelings as you do, it is very hard being a teen...she says she doesn't care about the future, she wants to sleep, everything makes her annoyed, and now her best friend is saying the same thing...they are not pretty enough, smart enough, no one cares...I remember when I was 16 going to a psychiatrist because of my depression

I don't mean that the way you feel is not important or is "just a teen thing" but it is a tough time for young people..my kid is seeing a therapist and trying meds

Keep at it, she is failing math too...I am just gonna keep trying to listen and be there...for both of you...you are the future and we all want you to be happy.

Take care Maggie
"We never realize how strong we are, until being strong is the only thing left"
Major Depressive Disorder, ptsd, fibromyalgia, chronic pain, l3/4, L4/5 gone, bursitis arthritis sciatica


welbutrin HBP meds abilify seroquel hydrocodone flexeril klonopin magnesium

sos007
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2011
Total Posts : 615
   Posted 11/10/2011 3:55 PM (GMT -6)   
Thanks Maggie for your support...I agree you do have to have a new normal as you say, I have pretty much accepted that but...there are days. The flare up I am having just thru me for a loop I had gone over a year without one and now here I am so confined...I know I will get thru it, sometimes I just need to vent, which I am sure you familar with that. Thanks again.

As Ever, Amy




fibro,chronic pain.mild depression an nerve pain
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