As First I want to apologize for my english, since I am from post-communistic country somewhere in Europe, but I spent a lot of time talking with people on the internet, so I hope its not so bad at all.
I am 16 years old male, And I've been depressed for last 9 years. My parents got divorced when I was 3, and If I was my father, I would divorced with my mother too. She kept yelling at me for my entire childhood, she was obsessed with an idea that I'll have top marks at school, and she never really was allright, she got angry so fast...I was crying all the time. I visited my father once in 2 weeks. My father is ok, but he is in army so he never had time. Things got even worse when I was 11. New pupils came to our class. Till then, things were allright at school, I had some friends, I was always good in hiding my problems. But when they came in...they mentally bullied me for 3 years(really hard), I almost committed suicide back then, school was the only place where I felt at least little allright before they came in. And my stepfather was an ******, I had to do a lot of stuff at home because he was lazy, kind of cheap slave I was. Well I 'survived'. Now im 16, I dont visit my mother anymore, I live with my father. Well not really, hes a busy man, at work all the time so I live kinda alone. But im good with that. Im dead inside. Im angry. I dont like people. Im not able to have a close relationship. I have almost no dreams about the future. I feel almost nothing but nervousness and pain. Never ending pain. Sometimes im nervous like hell for totally no reason, well..almost every day. My head hurts like hell all the time, I had to kept visiting doctors, they dont know why does it hurt. I know why, but Im not able to tell anyone about my problems and about my feelings, about anything. It would be a straight ticket to psychiatry or somewhere. My only real friend is a PC and games. And I tried to get friends, Im a kind person but no one is really interested about me. I dont look like a psycho, I act normally, I just dont talk too much and I see things..different way. I'd like to have a girlfriend but there isnt any for me. And since my head hurts so much, I dunno if ill ever finish the middle school. Life is a hell, if there was a button to end it, i'd hit it...only thing i want to do is move somewhere really away..