I have been diagnosed with depression ever sense my grandmother died. Over 21 years ago. And I always blame myself for her death. See me and my grandmother were close. So close that she was more of a mother to me. My mom had me when she was 17. And granted my dad was there till I was 4. He did not really want me. So my life was my gram. Well as I got older and so did she. I started taking care of her. From reading newspapers to her to bathing her to staying up late watching TV shows to her. Even if I had school the next day. Well one day. I had my music blaring. And She said Honey shut that music down. And I told her to drop dead. Being a teen for a split second. 4 hours later she was. And I always blame myself for her dying. My head knows it is not my fault. It was her time. But tell that to my heart.
And another thing. I did something in my past I am not proud of. But all my "friends" won't let me move on from it. They keep nagging over it again and again. I don't talk to them any more and they wonder why. And lately I keep hearing see so and so has a boyfriend your to ugly to have someone love you. Or no man would want you. I can't take it anymore. And all my doctor keeps saying is don't let it in. And refuses to change my med's.