I hope it can't get any worse.

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stillme
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Date Joined Aug 2011
Total Posts : 556
   Posted 11/11/2011 1:36 PM (GMT -6)   
I feel as bad as ever. No desire to do anything. I am sad beyond belief. Hope the wellbutrin kicks in soon. I am tapering off of the citalopram and will be increasing to 2 wellbutrin tomorrow along with the 2 lithium. Nothing seems right. I feel like I weigh a ton, but I am losing weight. Hair, clothes, work performance nothing is right. Several times lately I just want to throw or knock everything down. I was in the store getting medicine for my son the other night and I envisioned myself knocking everything off of the shelves. I am really losing it here. (Won't share that with the dr cuz they might put me in the bin. LOL)

Then I feel self conscious. I went to get some blood work to check the lithium levels but the psych dr didn't put a diagnosis on the form so the lady had to call the office. I guess she was told my diagnosis, major depressive disorder, then I felt, ok now she knows I am crazy. I feel the same way at the pharmacy.

The negative thoughts are back. How in the world did I get here? Must have made a wrong turn somewhere, where is the GPS when you need it. Oh well glad to have you all. Better days have to be just around the corner.

It's Genetic
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2010
Total Posts : 1540
   Posted 11/11/2011 2:26 PM (GMT -6)   
Stillme, you're not crazy--far from it. And try not to be embarrassed when medical professionals ask about your illness. It's an illness, not
a label for an asylum! Doctors, nurses, hospitals, and one out of every 10 people deal with chemical imbalances in the brain.

You're having a little trouble with your impulses, but you're controlling them. You need to discuss this with your psychiatrist so that he/she can judge whether you need a boost in meds or an additional mild one added to your schedule.

I hope you will read about people who have lived through depressive episodes or bipolar attacks and have come out on the other side almost free of discomfort, especially when they watch their diet, exercise, and avoid the irritatants to the nervous system.

My psychiatrist told me that there were four things we all needed to do:
1. Avoid all alcohol-it makes depression worse
2. Avoid all caffeine--it makes the illness worse
3. Take your meds.
4. And get your rest on schedule.

I would add to that chocolate, since it contains theobrome (a close first cousin to caffeine and is toxic for people sensitive to it; tea may also
contain caffeine, depending on the brand you use.)

Sounds like a regular routine for the person without a chemical imbalance, doesn't it? You're much closer to being balanced than you
know. Just keep the faith and know that the meds will work for you
if you're honest with your doctor so that he knows what you need to
keep things in order.

Take care. Don't let that rich imagination run away with you. Use it
in creativity for your family, etc.

I.G.

Post Edited (It's Genetic) : 11/11/2011 12:30:09 PM (GMT-7)


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42610
   Posted 11/11/2011 3:26 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Stillme,

Like IG said, you aren't crazy. But I agree that you should talk to psych doc about it. Be patient though, you just increased your meds and I think that is going to help. And in the nick of time... I am sure that you would agree with that.

Just the fact that you are posting here means that you are trying. And we are here to cheer you on. So keep posting and know that we all care about you and want to see you feel well. Keep trying, never give up. You will be feeling better soon.

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

bayoub2
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 2861
   Posted 11/11/2011 3:39 PM (GMT -6)   
Hey stillme
I get those violent fantasies sometimes, mainly at drivers texting-lol.

You are in good company hereI call myself a loony, but I know I'm not-self-deprecating humor works for me.
I tell my daughter, "Even bad days come to an end" and so do these slumps, although they feel like they last a hundred years.

Hang in there
Maggie
"We never realize how strong we are, until being strong is the only thing left"
Major Depressive Disorder, ptsd, fibromyalgia, chronic pain, l3/4, L4/5 gone, bursitis arthritis sciatica


welbutrin HBP meds seroquel hydrocodone magnesium potassium multi vit

stillme
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2011
Total Posts : 556
   Posted 11/11/2011 7:21 PM (GMT -6)   
Thanks for your support. This week has been very difficult, still pushing though.

little zimmer
New Member


Date Joined Nov 2011
Total Posts : 5
   Posted 11/11/2011 7:25 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi stillme
o yeh I know about those random thoughts that pop into your head and shouldn't be acted apon I once saw a guy bending over to tie his shoe lace at the top of a flight of stairs in a club had an urge to kicking up the bum. I am new to all this but there seems to be some very sound and well meant help being given here . Take care x x

Post Edited By Moderator (getting by) : 11/11/2011 8:33:20 PM (GMT-7)


theHTreturns...
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 20279
   Posted 11/11/2011 7:38 PM (GMT -6)   
(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

JAMIE.
EMOTIONALLY UNSTABLE PERSONALITY DISORDER,

RAPID CYCLING BI-POLAR DISORDER

REMEMBER TO LOVE YOU. BE YOU AND BE TRUE.

beagleman
Regular Member


Date Joined Nov 2011
Total Posts : 227
   Posted 11/11/2011 9:35 PM (GMT -6)   
Hello still me,
I no depression well. I no some of my causes, never having a single relationship with a woman, no kissing, holding hands, nothing, for me this is major rejection and hard to cope, so my thoughts I am nothing, zero, unlovable. So I am on medication, effexor 150mg, avanza 60mg, also regular sessions with my psychologist. I no about suffering and realise I can suffer some more. I can either accept being single or keep trying. It is really hard to meet other singles as i have tried very hard and frustratingly have alot of obstacles. Woman on the net dont reply, I go to singles events RSVP, I really think it is difficult in Australia to get a relationship. Love to hear from others.

stillme
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2011
Total Posts : 556
   Posted 11/11/2011 9:59 PM (GMT -6)   
Thanks for the big hug Jamiee, I really needed it.

Beagleman, relationships are what has sent me into this out of control spiral. I wanted one so badly, got it, and now am left holding a heart that is so broken I don't think it will ever get repaired. Welcome to this forum. Lots of support here. My hw friends and my son are what keeps me going.

Little Zimmer, oh no you didn't. My psych said I would have to go through the stages of grief. Maybe these thoughts of knocking stuff down is the angry stage finally coming to the surface. Maybe I shouldn't view these thoughts as another thorn in my side, but one of the steps in my healing.

Trying to keep going although several times today I just wanted to curl up in a ball. Will have 2 of the wellbutrin tomorrow, hope it jump starts a better mood.

theHTreturns...
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 20279
   Posted 11/11/2011 10:01 PM (GMT -6)   
hi beagleman.

relationships can be hard to find anywhere. hi i am jamie, 39 year old male. also australia. my partner passed in 06. been single since. things happen in there own time. beleive me!!!!! i know your situation well. keep strong, am glad you found us. take care. jamie
EMOTIONALLY UNSTABLE PERSONALITY DISORDER,

RAPID CYCLING BI-POLAR DISORDER

REMEMBER TO LOVE YOU. BE YOU AND BE TRUE.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42610
   Posted 11/11/2011 10:39 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Beagleman, welcome to the forum. Posting on another member's thread may not get you noticed, so feel free to start your own thread if you would like to. I hope you keep opsting , youv'e come to a good place.

Little Zimmer, I had to take a couple of words out of your post because leaving them there made it sound slightly violent. And that isnt allowed on the forum. I hope that you didn't...

I hope you all have a good day/night.

Take care, keep posting.

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

beagleman
Regular Member


Date Joined Nov 2011
Total Posts : 227
   Posted 11/11/2011 11:45 PM (GMT -6)   
Hello Moderator, I just came out of hospital(adult mental health) about 2 weeks ago after spending 2 weeks in hospital to stabilise my depression. Effexor has helped me concentrate, focuss, but the only way i can curb my depression is through mindfullness. I remember one day in the hospital, crying and shaking all day and there was no psychologist on, I begged to the occupational therapist to help me and she gave me a printout on mindfullness. Then I read it and sat infront of a TV for 2 hours concentrating and listening to every word spoken including commercials, this was so hard, but I was so sad and desperate it helped me. I am sorry if i sound violent, my anxiety levels are very high but I am alot better than before. I like this site, it helps me keep my mind busy. I think I will start my own thread later.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42610
   Posted 11/12/2011 12:03 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi Beagleman,

Mindfulness is a great way to go. Eventually you will learn meditation, because that is what meditation is all about. You can do a lot with mindfulness. Living in the now. It stops you from worrying about the past and the future. If we could all do that we would have it made. I practice mindfulness a lot. I have to. I have obsessive thinking problems. And it really helps me. So the frustating moment of no psychologist being on brought you to mindfulness. In a sense. A bad turned into a good. I am happy for that.

I am glad taht you are going to start your own thread. I think that posting here is helping you and I want to see that continue. So keep posting, and have a great night.

Hugs, Karen

PS Just call me Karen or getting by.
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies
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