What's wrong with me?

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amyfromar_98
New Member


Date Joined Nov 2011
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 11/14/2011 9:53 PM (GMT -6)   
I am 31, never married, no children, only child, raised by a single parent (my mom), never met my father, I'm currently in a relationship for 2 1/2 years, have been at my current job for 6 1/2 years, I'm of average weight although I'm larger now than I have ever been, I'm not poor, but definately not well off, I make enough to get by without struggling, as far as I know I'm in decent health although I am always sick with a cold or something along those lines & I also have terrible allergies,I never have any energy either, I really don't have any friends, my mom & my partner are my best friends, I have a couple aquaintences that I may see 2 or 3 times a year, nothing terribly traumatic has ever happened to me. So I know that I don't have it that bad common sense tells me that, but I can't help feeling like this. I hate everyone & everything! IHML!! I can't stand my job, my partner, my family most of the time, everyone & everything gets on my nerves! I feel like I am living this mundane existance with no way of changing it. I've pretty much always just been here, I can't ever remember feeling extatically happy. I see people that are happy & hear them talk about their lives & families & the whole time I'm thinking what the hell is so great about it? Nothing brings me joy, what does that mean? Am I doomed to be this *****y unhappy person for the rest of my life? I've read self help topics & steps to finding happiness & most of them say to set goals that will make you happy. Well I don't have any goals, there's no job out there that I dream of having, it really doesn't matter to me if I'm single or in a relationship, I don't want children, so what is there? Is something broken in me? I want to disappear, I don't want to be anymore, but in the same hand I am so terribly affraid of death. Silly huh? I've been considering lately just going away, not telling anyone & just going somewhere new, but there's that voice that tells me that won't help either because it's not the people or where I live, it's me....

sos007
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2011
Total Posts : 615
   Posted 11/14/2011 11:12 PM (GMT -6)   
Dear Amyfromar....I think your last sentence answer your own question...its not the people or place, I think you maybe depressed, I am not a doctor but it sounds like you have many of the symptoms. My suggestion would be to talk with your doctor. With proper meds you can live a happier life....bless you and keep in touch.

Take care, Amy

Jim1969
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 2042
   Posted 11/14/2011 11:57 PM (GMT -6)   
Amy, sometimes there are obvious reasons for a person to be depressed, sometimes those reasons can be hidden such as some kind of bio-chemical imbalance somewhere in the body.

I think your best bet is to go and talk to your doctor about how you are feeling and/or seek out a psychiatrist and let him know how you are feeling. Your primary care doctor can easily order some tests to check your vitamin and hormone levels among other things, and if those turn out well it could be due to a chemical imbalance within the brain. In any case there are lots of different medications that can help correct any of these problems and what the meds can not correct a good counselor can help you get the rest of the way.

When you go see your doctor make sure to ask to have tests run for hormone, vitamin, etc. Also be sure to tell your doctor everything about how you feel, your health problems no matter how minor they seem to you, etc. The more information you give the more likely the real problems can be found and resolved sooner rather than later.

I think you need to listen to that inner voice, at least to the point that running away is not going to help.
2 confirmed herniated lumbar discs. Spinal Arthritis. Spinal Stenosis, diabetic peripheral nueropathy.

elfenprincess
Regular Member


Date Joined Nov 2011
Total Posts : 96
   Posted 11/15/2011 12:10 AM (GMT -6)   
I've dealt with similar feelings on and off for years...it's definitely a sign of depression, but it could also be a sign that you need change. Maybe trying something new would make you feel better even if it's not something you're wild about at the moment. A counselor could be helpful too..Just know that there is hope out there.

Let us know how things are going, I really hope you feel better

theHTreturns...
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 20186
   Posted 11/15/2011 1:13 AM (GMT -6)   
with healing compassion. jamie
EMOTIONALLY UNSTABLE PERSONALITY DISORDER,

RAPID CYCLING BI-POLAR DISORDER

REMEMBER TO LOVE YOU. BE YOU AND BE TRUE.

bayoub2
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 2861
   Posted 11/15/2011 5:26 AM (GMT -6)   
that extreme level of detachment just screams depression and there is help. And it take time, no magic pills...get yourself to doc and tell them...there is joy, but depression has lowered a filter over yr life so that the joy cannot make it thru

Get help asap take care
Maggie
"We never realize how strong we are, until being strong is the only thing left"
Major Depressive Disorder, ptsd, fibromyalgia, chronic pain, l3/4, L4/5 gone, bursitis arthritis sciatica


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amyfromar_98
New Member


Date Joined Nov 2011
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 11/16/2011 3:38 AM (GMT -6)   
I want to thank you all for you're replies. I am thankful that I found this website. Your insight has really helped me. I don't have regular physician at this time bc she moved away, but I know someone that works at a local dr's office so I think I am going to make an apptmnt & I'm also going to seek some conseling. I don't think I'll be magically better over night, but maybe in time I can find a way to feel happy.

theHTreturns...
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 20186
   Posted 11/16/2011 4:19 AM (GMT -6)   
in time all wounds heal. you are making some great steps, well done. keep strong. jamie
EMOTIONALLY UNSTABLE PERSONALITY DISORDER,

RAPID CYCLING BI-POLAR DISORDER

REMEMBER TO LOVE YOU. BE YOU AND BE TRUE.

bayoub2
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 2861
   Posted 11/16/2011 5:19 AM (GMT -6)   
PLease make that appt...it could literally change yr life and as you dais, it'll tsake time, don't get discouraged

Keep posting
Maggie
"We never realize how strong we are, until being strong is the only thing left"
Major Depressive Disorder, ptsd, fibromyalgia, chronic pain, l3/4, L4/5 gone, bursitis arthritis sciatica


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stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 11/16/2011 6:35 PM (GMT -6)   
amy,
 
Hi, I am Kitt.  Depression is an awful illness, a whole world away from pure sympathy-seeking. So you should treat it as such.  If you had a choice in the matter you wouldn’t choose to have depression. How about we search for ways to deal with depression together? All I want to do is give you a hug and a shoulder to cry on as I know this disorder well and I know how you feel.
 
One of the most painful things when I was depressed was being in a situation that I would have really enjoyed before I became sick and realizing that I could no longer enjoy it. That kept my spirits down and I had no way of knowing how to change the feelings. My family would ask me, “BUT why don’t you want to go? You used to love this!” or “What’s your problem? This is your favorite!” That definitely always made me feel useless and guilty.
 
Everyone’s depression is different, so this might not be a universal sentiment. Nonetheless, it’s definitely how I felt. I’ve found it really helpful to interact with others who’ve faced depression and read their stories here in the Depression Forum. The best way to not feel alone is to correspond with someone who does know just how you feel. And there’s always someone who does! We are all here for you.
 
I agree completely with the suggestion that you seek our the help of a Dr. as well as a counselor.  Please stick with us and tell us how you are doing if you would like to.
 
Gentle Hugs,
Kitt
~~Kitt~~
Moderator: Anxiety, Osteoarthritis,
GERD/Heartburn and Heart/Cardiovascular Disease.

www.healingwell.com

"only as high as I reach can I grow, only as far as I seek can I go, only as deep as I look can I see, only as much as I dream can I be"

beagleman
Regular Member


Date Joined Nov 2011
Total Posts : 226
   Posted 11/18/2011 3:34 AM (GMT -6)   
Hello Amy

I am probably the least person you should take advice from as my major depression is bad. But I have read alot on the subject due to desperation. One thing that did come up was lack of rewards. Examples are monotonous or mundane job, lack of rewards in life, no interests, no challenges or goals.

You sound alot like me but in my case i have no partner, no relationship so I am jealous of you. But the rest about no friends is also true of me and i am trying hard to change this. To me it sounds like your main goal is marriage and I think this is a good thing to do as it creates some stability. With hobbies and interests i have tried but while i am depressed everything feels bad, I wish you luck in finding a hobby to share with others.

bayoub2
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 2861
   Posted 11/18/2011 4:16 AM (GMT -6)   
Kitt-

what you said sounds just like me...."Why don't you want to go? You'll have fun" and sometimes you force yrself and go and have a good time but othertimes, they need to back of.
It hurts really badly to no longer enjoy those things that used to give you joy. It's as if a filter has dropped down and all the stuff just doesn't make it thru.

But our battle continues. If you fall and get back up, you are never a failure

Maggie
"We never realize how strong we are, until being strong is the only thing left"
Major Depressive Disorder, ptsd, fibromyalgia, chronic pain, l3/4, L4/5 gone, bursitis arthritis sciatica


welbutrin HBP meds seroquel hydrocodone magnesium potassium multi vit

sos007
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2011
Total Posts : 615
   Posted 11/19/2011 10:19 PM (GMT -6)   
Amy.....I think counceling will help out quite a bit, I will keep you in my prayers. Keep in touch even if you just need to vent your frustratuions. Most of us on this site has had plenty of frustration. Good luck with your counceling.


Take care, Amy (also)lol...



50 yr. old female
Chronic pain, fibro, mild depression and nerve pain

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42431
   Posted 11/20/2011 6:01 AM (GMT -6)   
SOS,

I noticed that you have nerve pain and fibro. Have you ever tried a lidoderm patch??? They helped me a lot with nerve pain.

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies
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