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stillme
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2011
Total Posts : 556
   Posted 11/15/2011 11:41 AM (GMT -6)   
Well I made it through yesterday. I could feel the sadness in the background but I was able to keep it from really surfacing. Today, however, I can't control it. I got to work early and tears started flowing. I went to see a student, came back to the office and began to feel so weak. My stomach feels fluttery and then the floodgates were opened with uncontrollable tears. Good thing no body was here.

I miss my ex so badly. I am miserable, at times I try to fool myself into thinking otherwise. I feel so empty and alone. My student has sickle cell anemia and was describing the levels of medicine he took for the pain. He told me how they kept increasing the milligrams until he was on a very high dose but felt nothing. Wish they could give me one of those shots. I know time heals all wounds but it is killing me in the process.

Then I get further depressed because I am at work crying and she is going on with life as normal. Seeing someone and all. And all I have are the pieces of a broken heart.

awty
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2010
Total Posts : 790
   Posted 11/15/2011 11:49 AM (GMT -6)   
You also have YOU stillme,

I have seen you contribute to others here in a postive way, YOU make a difference to others here. I know logically you understand that what your student has must really be a very hard thing for a Teen to manage, kids are resilient though, we as adults take a little longer.

Keep contributing here, when you see someone take your kind words to heart, it is really YOU who is touched inwardly, when we think we are giving to others, we are also really giving to our own Soul too.

(((((HUGS)))))) 4 (((((STILLME))))))

greenbean885
Regular Member


Date Joined Nov 2011
Total Posts : 310
   Posted 11/15/2011 12:28 PM (GMT -6)   
Stillme,

Read your first sentence: "I made it through yesterday". Just like you made it through yesterday, you too, will make it through today. Sometimes our sadness and pain IS overwhelming. There have been many days in the recent past where I have sat in front of the computer at work and would find myself crying, missing my other half. Think of crying as the "sweat" of emotions... sometimes, it's the only way for things to come out, the only way we can express ourselves when words aren't enough. This only went on for a bit, as I have gotten able to "hold it together" for longer periods of time. Maybe try to challenge yourself... allow little breaks in between the challenges. For example, I knew I could make it two hours without crying, so I'd take a restroom break and shed a few tears. Then back to challenging for two more hours until lunch break. This is merely a suggestion

What is it exactly that you miss?

I do think that you should do your best not to compare yourself to her. You do not know what she is thinking or feeling, only your perception of what is happening in her life. Everyone handles things in different ways; you are handling the situation differently than the next person may handle it. It is not better or worse, just different. Be kind to yourself, do not beat yourself up because you are having a rough time.

Today may not be as great at yesterday, but you never know what will happen tomorrow until you make it through today. You can do it stillme. Everyone is here to help you.

BigSky Country
Regular Member


Date Joined Nov 2011
Total Posts : 28
   Posted 11/15/2011 3:39 PM (GMT -6)   
I just wanted to say that I am glad you are still here and you made it through yesterday, and you will today. :-) We are here, you are here, so we can do this together.

((hugs))

bayoub2
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 2861
   Posted 11/15/2011 4:05 PM (GMT -6)   
YYYaaahhh!!You made it thru yesterday-that is reason to be glad. We'll worry about tomorrow when it gets herer. Try to live in the mioment, now

Love ya and take care
Maggie
"We never realize how strong we are, until being strong is the only thing left"
Major Depressive Disorder, ptsd, fibromyalgia, chronic pain, l3/4, L4/5 gone, bursitis arthritis sciatica


welbutrin HBP meds seroquel hydrocodone magnesium potassium multi vit

theHTreturns...
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 20279
   Posted 11/15/2011 8:15 PM (GMT -6)   
many compassionate healing prayers, jamie

keep strong, we care.
EMOTIONALLY UNSTABLE PERSONALITY DISORDER,

RAPID CYCLING BI-POLAR DISORDER

REMEMBER TO LOVE YOU. BE YOU AND BE TRUE.

misterkatamari
Regular Member


Date Joined Jan 2011
Total Posts : 374
   Posted 11/15/2011 9:12 PM (GMT -6)   
Sorry that you're feeling so bad lately. I agree with what everyone else said. Also, it is normal to feel like this if you already have depression or a depressive condition and then experience a loss of any kind. It isn't as easy to recover from for many people, but I am sure you can do it--its just really hard right now, I'm sure.

Time may heal all wounds, but in the process it drags you along face first in the mud at times. It isn't easy, for sure. I'm hoping for you to feel some relief soon, and hope that you can find your own happiness. As the other stated, you already made it through one day--and day after day, I am sure you will slowly grow and adapt. You'll make it through, even if it is tough. Keep us updated! :)
--Patrick, aka Misterkatamari

I'm active on several boards. Main issues are: Chronic Pain due to Scoliosis & 2 Herniated Discs, possible DDD and arthritic facet joints. Also active in the Depression/Anxiety boards. Meds include: Prozac 40mg, Xanax .5 mg, Tramadol 50mg

“We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us.” - Joseph Campbell

stillme
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2011
Total Posts : 556
   Posted 11/15/2011 10:18 PM (GMT -6)   
Thank you everyone. I will continue to make it / take it day by day. It's just very difficult right now. One tiny step forward then 10 giant steps backwards. Back to the shakey hands, burning pain right in the top of the stomach, bout of crying my head off - just hard to handle right now. Pretty much the way I felt before I statrted the medicine.

Thanks again guys. I'm really leaning on you.

misterkatamari
Regular Member


Date Joined Jan 2011
Total Posts : 374
   Posted 11/15/2011 10:33 PM (GMT -6)   
I'm glad you posted again!

Sorry you're feeling cruddy right now, but keep us posted on how you're feeling. Glad to hear you're focusing on taking it step by step. Sometimes you have to take 3 steps back, and two steps forward until you can catch up with yourself and start making actual progress. We all do it at some point, so you're not alone. :)
--Patrick, aka Misterkatamari

I'm active on several boards. Main issues are: Chronic Pain due to Scoliosis & 2 Herniated Discs, possible DDD and arthritic facet joints. Also active in the Depression/Anxiety boards. Meds include: Prozac 40mg, Xanax .5 mg, Tramadol 50mg

“We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us.” - Joseph Campbell

sos007
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2011
Total Posts : 615
   Posted 11/15/2011 11:52 PM (GMT -6)   
Stillme.......go ahead an lean away, you are always there for others, its your turn. I hope tomorrow will be better...you are in my prayers. Keep us posted.

Take Care, Amy
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