Parent dealing with teenager with depression

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duckduck
New Member


Date Joined Nov 2011
Total Posts : 6
   Posted 11/17/2011 9:57 PM (GMT -6)   
I have just joined, i have a 17 year old son who is suffering from depression and i am looking for advice, help and support. I have dealt with adult depression but am pretty much in the dark with teenage depression and dont really have anyone to talk to as he is wanting to keep it all secret.

Any help appreciated

bayoub2
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 2861
   Posted 11/18/2011 2:59 AM (GMT -6)   
Hey duck

My dtr was JUST dx'd with depression lasrt month...so althoI don't know much, you are not alone.

Is your child on meds, counseling? How is their depression manifesting itself? My daughter is a/b student and is faling 2 classes now...very angry, defiant...how is yours acting?

I know how much it hurts to see our babies hurting, the best we can do is get knowledgable and LISTEN to them, as human beings, not kids...this is such ahard time in their lives

Have to go away fro few days but will talk more next week

You are not alone and kids do get better, much more resilient than we are

Take care
Maggie
"We never realize how strong we are, until being strong is the only thing left"
Major Depressive Disorder, ptsd, fibromyalgia, chronic pain, l3/4, L4/5 gone, bursitis arthritis sciatica


welbutrin HBP meds seroquel hydrocodone magnesium potassium multi vit

Jim1969
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Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 2042
   Posted 11/18/2011 4:03 AM (GMT -6)   
The main thing is to be supportive and really listen to what he is saying and/or trying to say when he does open up. Try talking with him. Not about what he is going through, but just about normal everyday kind of stuff. If you push things in regards to his life, feelings, etc it is liable to just drive him deeper behind the walls he has erected. It is ok to ask about how his day went, ask him about how he is feeling, but don't push the issue in any way including asking him several times a day. Remind him once a day you are there for him no matter what and be sure to tell him several times a day that you do love him.

In the meantime try contacting your local mental health department and find out if anyone there specializes in teen depression and then speak to that person.

Also find out if there are any activities he might like to participate in that he doesn't at this time. I went through a few rough patches when I was a teen and then I got involved in martial arts and it was a big help in getting me through things. I am not saying karate or something similar is the right answer for him but getting involved in something positive, regardless of what it is, can be a big help.
2 confirmed herniated lumbar discs. Spinal Arthritis. Spinal Stenosis, diabetic peripheral nueropathy.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42295
   Posted 11/18/2011 7:36 AM (GMT -6)   
Hello,

I think you got some really good advice, but wanted to join along in welcoming you to the forum. Teenage depression is really hard. We have some depressed teens here. Not pressuring them to talk about it is good, but let them know you are avaliable. Teens seem to go inward. Not socialize and often go to the darker side. I don't mean to scare you, but it does happen.

It sounds like you are staying on top of this which is good. Many here know what you are going though and will be albe to help you. So keep posting. I am glad that you joined us. Take it one day at a time.

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

Chartreux
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2006
Total Posts : 9661
   Posted 11/18/2011 9:50 AM (GMT -6)   
It's good for you to care and be supportive, try to locate a good counselor maybe in a different area
so he can keep his privacy and so that no one in your area knows...even if it's a long drive...that
way he can get help and might thank you for this going out of your way, when I was a teenage I
would've loved to be able to go somewhere farther away from my home town just so I wouldn't
have to face embarrassment at school and ask him face to face if he'd be willing to go to a
counselor out of city or area in which you live. Should things get real difficult and that he
cannot speak to you let him know there is a suicide hotline and that counseling would help.
Many well wishes and get some books for you to read on teenagers and depression, so
that you can look for those bad signs should they occur....please take what he told you seriously...
**********************************************
* So many dx's I could write a book* "It would be nice if we could use the edit button in real life"...
********>^..^<********>^..^<*******

sirenseranade1
New Member


Date Joined Nov 2011
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 11/24/2011 11:56 AM (GMT -6)   
I think it's really great that you're reaching out like this. When I was a teenager and began slipping into depression, my parents were so freaked out by it that they thought that if they just ignored it, it would go away. That's not how it works, and it's apparent that you understand that. Just let your son know that you're there for him, keep an eye on him, but let him come to you. If you're an aware enough parent to know you have to do something, then your son will probably reach out to you. Ask him if he wants to get into therapy, if he isn't already. Let him know he's not alone.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42295
   Posted 11/24/2011 12:16 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Silentseranade1,

Welcome to the depression forum. I see you post in fibromyalgia too. I moderate over there too and do have fibromyalgia. I hope that you are having a good day today. Thanks for posting. Happy Thanksgiving!!!

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

duckduck
New Member


Date Joined Nov 2011
Total Posts : 6
   Posted 11/25/2011 5:09 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi to everyone who is out there, i am feeling really happy that so many people responded, it is a wonderful thing to know i am not alone and even if you are not in my position you are still there. My son has been withdrawing slowly over the last few months, but i have had times in the past where i was concerned about him and him following in my footsteps. He has always been very sensitive, very nervous around most people and is dyslexic (sorry bout spelling) with no way to open up to most people. He is lovely, which i know sounds so predictable from a parent but he is. He walks through life thinking and will hardly ever meet anyones eyes except family, he wont look at people and hides from girls who tend to chase him. I think the girls think he is a mystery and that is why they chase. As a parent i could not be prouder. But......he is hurting so much, in so much pain and screams into his pillow, hits the walls for an hour or so then cries for hours. He called me from school and was crying so much i had to have him leave the school until i could get there (its hald hour drive but didnt want his peers to see him like that) he cried for hours and said his friends and teachers all hated him and thought he was stupid. he was so distraught i kept him home and met with his home group teacher and councillor, he told them very little only that he thought of hurting himself a lot but would not be likely to do it.

Three days later he called me and when i asked what was wrong he said nothing, dont worry about it and repeated this three or 4 times then hung up. I couldnt get back on to him ( he had thrown his phone in the ocean), i rang his friends and they said he was on the beach but would not let them near him and would not talk so i went down there to get him. After an hour he went to his grandparents house at the beach but would not speak, i picked him up and he wanted to sleep not talk, he admitted he was scared of his behaviour and had no idea why it happened. He agreed to a doctor. Then he stopped playing sport with his friends has not gone back to school and has withdrawn severely.

We saw the doctor and were referred to a specialist who was absolutely awful, and told me that if he didnt even know what was upsetting him then "a few tabs would see him right in a couple of weeks". He went on to tell my son to "look on the brighter side of life". Needless to say he wont go back to him but now has decided that there is nothing wrong with him and he is going to ignore it all happened and that others have real problems and he doesnt want to use up their resources.


Its like we have taken two steps back, he has not changed his behaviour and he is still really struggling but thinks all councillers are jerks. Not a great start.

Sorry for all the long diatribe but i really dont have anyone to talk to as my husband wants to not discuss it (as lovely as he is he finds it hard and confesses to not understand as he has never felt it) I dont want to tell my friends or family as i feel if my son found out he would not come to me and feel betrayed

Thank you all again

Duckcuck

bayoub2
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 2861
   Posted 11/25/2011 5:39 AM (GMT -6)   
Dear Duck

As a severe depressive myself and watching my daughter going thru pretty intense dep herself, I have one thing to say. You need to find an inpatient program for him NOW!!!I know that it is a hard thing to hear, because we, as moms think if we love them enough it'll get better...not on its' own it won't.

Forget the family , doctors and school. He has admitted to wanting to hurt himself...this is enough to get him into a program..Yes, he will hate you at first, but that is better than hating himself or lossing him. It may be one of the hardest things to do, but the right thing usually is. PLEASE call some hospitals and see if they have an adolescent program. I just got out and I feel able to deal with the world again, new meds and new tools to dela with the negative self-talk that rolls thru my head.

My daughter told me last nite that she hates to be here at home, that the "vibe" makes her sad, that we all live our separate lives under 1 roof (and that is true to some extent, 1 depressed Mom, 1 unmedicated bipolar Dad and a fragile 16 year old trying to find her way without us.

The best thing you can do is take him out of that environment and let a med team ascertain his status. They are trained to cope with that ange and sadness...find a facility w/ best reputation for teens and please make him go...he will thank you for it...I've seen hard core resistance from other patients and they always break down and get to the heart of the problem in group sessions...also best meds assessment..

My heart yearns and aches for you and him, I am not close behind and I will pray for your family...call today..he is screaming for help, even tho his words say different.

Your family will be in my prayers. Also try to have family sessions while he is in there as there are always family issues.

Take care
Maggie
"We never realize how strong we are, until being strong is the only thing left"
Major Depressive Disorder, ptsd, fibromyalgia, chronic pain, l3/4, L4/5 gone, bursitis arthritis sciatica


welbutrin HBP meds seroquel hydrocodone magnesium potassium multi vit

duckduck
New Member


Date Joined Nov 2011
Total Posts : 6
   Posted 11/27/2011 3:12 AM (GMT -6)   
Thankyou for your advice Maggie

I really appreciate it and now he is pretending he is fine and i know he is not. i have done some research and found a hospital with a child/teen program so am calling tomorrow.

my thoughts are with you to and again thank you

Duckduck

Jackie_0mg
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2011
Total Posts : 427
   Posted 12/1/2011 10:26 AM (GMT -6)   
hi im am a 17 year old female and i am cliniclly deppresed i have lots of health problems but last year and summer a lot of things were extremly hard im currently on zoloft. but to help with your question i know a GREAT PLACE that helps children that are deppresed it's called the stress center at st. vincents hospital in indianapolis IN i have no idea how far you are from that but while i was there it was a kid from phily too!!!!! anyway it's inpatient you stay for a min. of 3 days i was admitted once and then another time i was fearful of myself i took myself there and the second time was magic i love my life im behaving and my mom isnt worried about me! i feel alot of adults have no idea to solve deppresion in teens only because we can put up a wall so strong but at the stress center they have group about 5 times a day so you get advice from kids your age and your able to give advice back and maybe hearing how other people act will allow you to see why everyone is worried . well if you ave any questions feel free to email me i swear that place was lots of help i hated it while i was there but when i left i had a clear understanding and maybe it's a place simalr to where you live but this place TRUELY CARES my email is
ill put you in my prayers!!!!!!!!
 
Jackie, I removed your email.  Anybody could see it.  The best thing to do is put it in your profile.  Only members can see it there.  It just isn't safe hon. 
Hugs, Karen

Post Edited By Moderator (getting by) : 12/1/2011 10:39:20 AM (GMT-7)


bayoub2
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 2861
   Posted 12/1/2011 12:45 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Duck

Wondering how you and your son are doing-haven't heard from you...my daughter bombed on the welbutrin so now we are starting all over with prozac. Teens and anti depressants can have some volatile interactions so please research anything they want to give your son.

Her attitude is a little better, but no motivsation at all.

I was just re-reading your post and realized we hadn't heard from you...please let us know how you and your family are doing...we really care

Hope to hear from you
Maggie
"We never realize how strong we are, until being strong is the only thing left"
Major Depressive Disorder, ptsd, fibromyalgia, chronic pain, l3/4, L4/5 gone, bursitis arthritis sciatica

cymbalta seroquel hydrocodone klonopin magnesium potassium

duckduck
New Member


Date Joined Nov 2011
Total Posts : 6
   Posted 12/11/2011 5:26 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi

Been trying to get him help, but he is not wanting to talk, he has stopped talking to me. his mates mum keeps organising things with him without asking me and i am getting very annoyed as she even tried to cancel and reschedule his doc appointment when i was at work and she wanted him to go to the beach instead with her son. I am not happy as i feel like everyone is pushing this under the carpet along with him. I wanted his dad to speak to him today with me and he said it was not the right time, my son is going away for four days and i dont want him to but he will go anyway and his dad said he could.

What is wrong with them, i know they dont want to have this happen but we cant all ignore it because he wants to. I feel so angry with his dad and everyone else for not supporting me with managing him. he is not okay and they admit it but dont want to step in as "the time is not right" i think maybe not for them, he will not get help unless he is made to, and i can t do it by myself. angry hurt frustrated crying.

I know what i am talking about, he will not get better without us and we need an us.

sorry just have to vent as i dont know what to do and am so alone.

trying to keep it together but dont think i am doing a good job

duck

bayoub2
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 2861
   Posted 12/11/2011 5:48 AM (GMT -6)   
Dear duck
 
So glad to hear from you..you must be veryfrustrated right now
 
"THE right time" is NOW" I amde appt w/counselor altho dtr said "I"m not alking to some stranger" and I took her and they made a little progress..Teenagers don't trust adults very much so it will take time.
 
Have you talked to friend's mom? Does she know s/t you don't? Does she understand that his is not her battle? You may have to fight this all on your own but your son needs help and if everyone wants to sweep it under the rug, YOU will have to do the hard work, even if he hates you right now.
 
inpatient or outpatient to start-do it and the hell with the rest of the family. Take a stand and do it-we are here and many of us have been thru similar experiences. I am praying for you both...my daughter is doing a little better on her meds, still a long way to go
 
You are in my prayers-please let us know
 
maggie

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42295
   Posted 12/11/2011 7:17 AM (GMT -6)   
I am sorry that they undermined his counseling appt. That was not the right thing to do. Keep at it. You are in the right.

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

hailey_mon
New Member


Date Joined Mar 2012
Total Posts : 3
   Posted 6/14/2012 7:07 AM (GMT -6)   
You're such in a difficult position and I understand how frustrating it is to not be taken seriously. In this situation, you can either leave things be and expect the possibility of your son getting worst regarding his depressive behavior. Or go with what you believe in, despite the protests of the people around you but making sure your son gets treated for his own good.
But before doing this, make sure to win his trust all over again. It might take time but at least you have done something to improve the situation. Some teens may appear okay to some parents but if we look closer, sometimes we get deceived by what our teens say. There are a lot of reasons why most of our teens today is experiencing depression. Take a look at this example.
If you think your son trusts his mate's mum more then do an effort to know what he likes and bond with him more often. That might just be one way to win his trust and eventually be able to encourage him to do treatment or counselling willingly.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42295
   Posted 6/14/2012 8:53 AM (GMT -6)   
HI there,

Thanks for sharing the site on teen depression. This is an older thread, and I don't know if you will get any responses.

I hope that things are going well for you.

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

bayoub2
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 2861
   Posted 6/14/2012 4:59 PM (GMT -6)   
Hey Hailey
 
yes this is an older thread but still so relevant. It made me wonder what happened to duck and her son???
 
My daughter actually got worse on anti-ds, horrible side effects so we all agreed she should stop for awhile. Ashe is doing much better (but she must be an exception) AND is seeing a great counselor who deals w/ only adolescents. She fought the counseling until she met this counselor. We really lucked out. She can learn coping skills to deal with her anger and frustration. Teens tend to be more angry and irritable when depressed than adults. It was a rough road but she really is doing better and she now knows her Mom and Dad will do whatever it takes to help her...brought us closer together. She is still a defiamt handful but more honest.
 
Thanks for posting and welcom
 
Mags

hailey_mon
New Member


Date Joined Mar 2012
Total Posts : 3
   Posted 6/15/2012 5:04 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi everyone! I'm sorry to have responded to an older thread, I just felt the urge to chime in since I know how it feels to not be taken seriously even if you have meant well. As a parent, it is natural to worry about how our kids would turn out to be in the future. So it does help to ask for other parent's opinions about our problems. Probably to feel that we still belong despite the struggles. I thank everyone here for sharing their thoughts on a lot of parenting problems. I may not reply much but I read about different topics that helped me as well.
@bayoub2 I'm glad that you have slowly found a way to improve things. I'm happy for you! I hope your teen continues with her improvements. I sure do hope duck and her son has found a way to solve their problems as well.
Btw, thanks for the warm welcome guys! :)

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42295
   Posted 6/15/2012 5:32 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi there,

I am glad that you posted back. Many post once and don't come back for some reason. Maybe they forgot how they got here, I don't know.

It is no prob that you posted on an older thread. I was just worried that you wouldn't get a response, but you did. So that is good all the way around.

I hope that you have a good day today. Take care, and do keep posting.

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

bayoub2
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 2861
   Posted 6/15/2012 5:45 AM (GMT -6)   
yES hAILEY

feel free to chime in anytime, the more the merrier!!

Take care
Mags
"We never realize how strong we are, until being strong is the only thing left"
Major Depressive Disorder, ptsd, fibromyalgia, chronic pain, l3/4, L4/5 gone, bursitis arthritis sciatica

seroquel, hydrocodone clonazepam norvasc multi vitamin and magnesium

duckduck
New Member


Date Joined Nov 2011
Total Posts : 6
   Posted 6/15/2012 11:23 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi everyone

I haven't been on for quite a while but thought i would let you know what is happening. My son didn't return to school for the rest of year 11 (over a month) and with the help from his school still was able to pass and enter year 12. He went to our local doctor a few times but refused to go to any other appointments I made for him through the hospitals and other community organisations. He had a really hard time on New Years Eve and left his friends who were over to ring in the new year with us and went to bed. We pretty much had to take one day at a time and even after the few months off school I was still worried about whether he was ready to go back to the stress of school and his friends as he really didn't seem much better. He was cranky and short tempered always yelling and overreacted to everything. We walked on eggshells trying not to upset him. He still spent time with me but talked less, the more i tried to get him help the more he withdrew from me.

He is now at school again and is doing okay but worried about how well he will do, I keep telling him that it is not the be all and end all and that we don't care what score he gets and not to put himself under to much pressure. He thought about going out to work but I think being around his friends would be good for him this year and he wants to go to uni eventually, even if he doesn't get the scores to get in he can do a test to enter as a mature age entry within 6 months.

He doesn't sleep very well and it really shows when he is sleep deprived, we are all still plodding along trying to take any pressure off we can and council him on how to deal with pressures he cant escape. I worry constantly and watch him but I don't know what to do if he wont get help so i am running on the hope that if he starts getting bad like last year I will be here to try to help him and maybe then he will get care.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42295
   Posted 6/16/2012 4:52 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi Duck,

I am so glad that you postsed again. It sounds like you have been through a lot with your son. I am glad he is plodding along and getting better. Please keep posting as it does good to get things out.

I hope this is a good day for you and your son.

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

bayoub2
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 2861
   Posted 6/16/2012 5:25 AM (GMT -6)   
Hey Duck
 
So glad to see your post...sounds like you are carrying a heavy load-don't forget to take care of you too.
The hardest thing for a parent to go thru (besides losing them) is to watch your child struggle in pain and not be able to help..I went thru that with mine for a loooong time..Katie has agreed to go to this counselor we found and I am thankful.
 
I think boys must have a harder time accepting help-my hubby is the same way "No, everything is fine" attitude when we know it is not. Is he on meds? The irritacility is classic teen depression, they say. You never know what will set them off. Katie was very hostile and rude, frustrated and angry so easily. We have to keep our cool, which is hard I know.
 
It is good sign he is seeing friends. Isolating makes depression worse so that is a good thing/ And yes, he can start uni when he is ready. I wish I had taken a little time to work before I went to college and maybe a little more mature. I told Katie she could work for a year after high school if she wanted-get out in the real world.
 
I guess, duck, you just keep on loving him and keep the door open...I think this will turn out ok for him. I will certainly pray that it is so.
 
So nice to hear from you again-your son sounds like a terrific kid and you are a devoted parent
 
Take care
Mags
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