Feeling so Down in SAT

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Darlene Pattison
New Member

Date Joined Nov 2011
Total Posts : 1
   Posted 11/18/2011 2:25 PM (GMT -6)   
I never thought I would join a forum on depression but well here I am.  I was first diagnosed back in the 90's, am 53 now. Even though I also have generalized anxiety disorder, a social and OCD disorder, the depression I believe is the result of first, family genes and second my lousy life.
I geel guilty; I know others are suffering more. Moved to TX a little over a year ago, unemployed; cannot keep a job for either company budget reasons or I just cannot cope.  Last job seemed good but after 5 weeks they decided they could not afford me.
Filed bankruptcy, miss my kids back northeast, and please do not mention about any bad grammar as I do not really care at this time.
I have no friends, except for online facebook friends and family who I do not talk to 'enough'. 
So here I think maybe I can be myself and 'spill my beans' and hope, maybe I can get some comofrt and maybe help someone else.
I am married to an exmilitary man; he is depressed but does nothing about it but does try to do a lot around the house, things; I would be doing really.  But he gets upset and says we cannot go on like this but then later says he cannot be without me.
Will talk more later.

Regular Member

Date Joined Nov 2011
Total Posts : 227
   Posted 11/18/2011 2:55 PM (GMT -6)   
Hello Darlene, treasure your relationship, this is special, also your children. many do not have these and suffer lonelines. It is good on this site you will get replies and support. I have social anxiety disorder, major depression and low self esteem so I share some of your grief. Look, the fact you have filed for babkruptcy means you have accepted your position and you are doing something about it which is positive. I wish you well.

Regular Member

Date Joined Nov 2011
Total Posts : 310
   Posted 11/18/2011 2:59 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Darlene,

I just recently joined the forum too, and it too, was my first. Sometimes, new things are scary, but being here has really helped me in just two weeks time (along with supplements and counseling). I can relate with the generalized anxiety and OCD; it's really rough sometimes!

Don't talk yourself out of what you are feeling. Recently, I would not allow myself to get sad about my situation because I felt like there were children in third world countries, starving... or people without homes... really, my thoughts came up with anything that would make me feel guilty. I think it is a defense. If you tell yourself "it's not so bad compared to XYZ" then you are stifling your emotions. You are allowed to feel them. In fact, it is healthy that you feel them.

You are not being selfish by knowing that other people have it worse and you are upset about your situation. We are human, different things will bother us at different times. It sounds like you are really struggling with not having stable employment and missing your family. It is very difficult being in a relationship with someone who is depressed. It is even harder when they will not get help or have mixed emotions about is going on. You will learn that here, there are many people that can relate to similar situations, from both sides. I have gotten insight of the "other side" as well as encouragement from those who have been in my position.

I hope you are comfortable here so that you can be yourself. Welcome :)

getting by
Forum Moderator

Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42611
   Posted 11/18/2011 3:03 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Darlene,

Welcome to the depression forum. Your grammer seems fine to me. I had no trouble reading your post. I am going to be 53 on Tuesday.

We often feel guilty when we are depressed because we often fee inadequate. But we judge ourselves unfairly. I think we are often too hard on ourselves.

I am glad your husband helps you around the house. Mine does too. Sometimes he even cooks. Always makes breakfast. I have fibromyalgia too, so it is hard to get things done around the house. But I manage with his help.

Making friends seems hard for people like us. Often we don't have the confidence to get out there and expose ourselves to others. I have very few friends, but the ones that I have are good ones. People I can trust. So do try to make friends. It does help to have somebody to talk to. You have us now so that will help. Feel free to ask for support anytime. We are here for you...

Have you thought about couples couseling for you and your husband? Do you think he would go? Do you go yourself? It really does help. I go regularly. And I see a psychiatrist too. Plus my family doctor. So I see lots of people. It is good for me, but I hate appointments. I go though, because I know in the long run, it will help.

I hope that you are having a good day. You are probably a little down, hence, posting here. So I hope that things get better.

Take care, Keep posting Darlene,

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia

fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 2042
   Posted 11/18/2011 6:58 PM (GMT -6)   
Darlene, first off I think you will find the people here to be very understanding and unlike some people you can encounter on other message boards we do not seem to have any wanna-be grammar police around. In the few years that I have been part of Healing Well the only suggestions I have even seen mentioned in regards to how someone writes or posts involve not posting in all caps or making one extremely long post as one paragraph and the only reason for either one really is that it can make the post hard to read.

As far as your husband goes, going civilian is often very hard for military men and women, and the longer they have served the harder the transition. They have spent years having their entire day planned out for them. Even a 4 star general pretty much knows from day to day what he is going to be doing and when he will be doing it. Then when they retire all of a sudden they have to figure all of this out on their own. Add to that they no longer have the support structure that everyone they serve with provides and it is a pretty big change.

If your husband would agree to it there are a lot of programs available through the VA to help with the transition. Many of these programs are not run by doctors or even trained counselors but are handled by ex-military who have went through it and decided to help others. Basically they are peer support groups for the most part.

Anyway that is about all I can add to what has already been posted by others. Please feel free to vent, seek advice, or just talk about whatever is on your mind. We have a good group here who is very supportive.
2 confirmed herniated lumbar discs. Spinal Arthritis. Spinal Stenosis, diabetic peripheral nueropathy.

Elite Member

Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 20279
   Posted 11/19/2011 6:00 AM (GMT -6)   
with much healing compassion to you. jamie. here for you


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