Upset a Friend

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Borebon
New Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 1
   Posted 11/18/2011 2:48 PM (GMT -6)   
I said some things to someone and I think it hurt them. It was a moment of impulse out of frustration on my part & maybe they are better off not knowing me, but I know that I am not better off not knowing them. They severed all lines of communication so I can't even say sorry, which i never usually say, but this time i feel it because i know they are going through some things and i should not have said what i did. I didn't want them to leave, I want them to know that. Maybe I made them feel as though i wanted them to leave, but i didnt, i just cant help saying what i think and at times those things arent what people want to hear, but they did know that about me. Doesnt change things i guess. Many people have vanished from my life, like a magic act.. poooof, they are gone, but they make that choice and they are entitled to it, but I never want to affect people in a negative way, nor do I wish to drive people away, even if my words or actions at times indicate that. I shield myself from the world outside my window for the fear that, were i to attach to anyone else, they would also eventually disappear when the magic words are exhaled, when the fear overcomes me and the smoke and mirrors of life struggles to uphold any illusion.

Sometimes I get upset & angry at myself for being unable to help people, to be able to change how things are in the world. I have lashed out at myself many times in the past and, regrettably, have also lashed out at others and I never wanted to hurt others, particularly those that have been good friends. Ironic that I end up hurting people because i feel as though I cant help them. It's really myself that i am angry with, i dont know why i say the things that i did, I just wish that i hadnt. I didnt mean those bad things, was just angry at my own inabilities to do anything to help. I act as though I hate the world and everyone on it, when really it's myself that i hate. They've been a very good friend to me, I haven't been as good a friend as I could have been. I want them to be my friend again so i can try harder.

They can contact me if they wish, they have my email address, but they probably feel no urge to, fearing another spit in the face. Sometimes in moments of anger we may kick a chair, or punch a wall, then regret it because we fracture something or make holes that need patching up. It's the same with people, but other times it can be like trying to repair the effects of a wrecking ball. Aside from my own feelings, what pains me more is that i upset someone that has been a good friend to me over the years. I cant make change the world, i can barely change my own life, i certainly dont want to change others for the worse. Hopefully, they will be in contact, even if it only gives me a chance to apologise.

Rubik.

Post Edited (Rubiks Snorry) : 11/21/2011 12:26:52 PM (GMT-7)


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42438
   Posted 11/18/2011 5:01 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Rubik,

Let the smoke clear the air. Then maybe send an apology email. If the friendship means that much to you. IF not, then leave it up to the other person. But from now on, try to think before you speak. Often we say what is on our minds and we shouldn't. It just isn't worth losing a friend. I always try to think twice, but that doesn't mean I always do. We all make mistakes in life. Maybe it isn't quite as bad as you think it is. Maybe when your friend thinks about it they will contact you again. I really hope you didn't lose your friend, because we don't have many true friends in our lives. We may have a lot of aquaintances, but generally not many true friends. Though I imagine that there may be some fortunate psople.

Anyhow, I hope that this works out for you. Know that you have friends here that care about you. The forum has been a little slow, but it perks up here and there. Keep the faith.

Take care,

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

Jim1969
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 2042
   Posted 11/18/2011 5:38 PM (GMT -6)   
Sounds like you need some help with learning how to communicate effectively. There are tons of books on this subject and many areas also have clubs that deal with this. Also many times colleges and universities will hold seminar on this subject. Sometimes they get listed in the paper but more often than not the only way to find out is to check out the college's event calendar.

You may also be able to find help through your local mental health clinic.

So many times it is not so much what we say to people that causes hurt but it is how we say it. It may be the tone we use, or the words we choose or both.
2 confirmed herniated lumbar discs. Spinal Arthritis. Spinal Stenosis, diabetic peripheral nueropathy.

Chartreux
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2006
Total Posts : 9664
   Posted 11/18/2011 10:52 PM (GMT -6)   
Effective communications is very hard in this world, as people want to hear what they
perceive to be true and not the real truth, if you ask a person how they are feeling
they will probably say fine and so should you, we are all very busy with our
own lives and own problems...
I would suggest that you send this person a mailed card of apology and then you should
seek out counseling for help in dealing with people everyday, one on one...
maybe go back to school and take a class in communications, a basic class
should be able to help...it's so very hard out there in the real world...
many well wishes and do keep us posted as we do care (that I truly do care).
**********************************************
* So many dx's I could write a book* "It would be nice if we could use the edit button in real life"...
********>^..^<********>^..^<*******

theHTreturns...
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 20190
   Posted 11/19/2011 2:27 AM (GMT -6)   
wishing you all the best. you have received excellent wisdom by the members.

with healing compassion, jamie
EMOTIONALLY UNSTABLE PERSONALITY DISORDER,

RAPID CYCLING BI-POLAR DISORDER

REMEMBER TO LOVE YOU. BE YOU AND BE TRUE.

Borebon
New Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 1
   Posted 11/21/2011 11:37 AM (GMT -6)   
I deserve to be alone for the pain I caused others. My life always changes in an instant of my own doing. I was always too weak to help people, myself included, and my frustration at myself turns to anger. Self fulfilling prophecies really, I'm afraid people will go and I act in a way to make them go. I never wanted them to.

Post Edited (Rubiks Snorry) : 11/21/2011 1:49:07 PM (GMT-7)


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42438
   Posted 11/21/2011 11:44 AM (GMT -6)   
Nobody deserves to be alone and in pain. Think before you do things. Set up a scenario.
Accept that there are somethings that you may do to make your life more complicated. Learn the difference. You can do that. I have faith in you. Your life will get better. Hang in there.

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

Chartreux
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2006
Total Posts : 9664
   Posted 11/21/2011 8:50 PM (GMT -6)   
It's not easy to not be afraid of people, I'm also afraid of people, but seek out counseling
for that and maybe like Karen/ getting by said just thinking of a response before speaking,
maybe do a google search for "proper responses to questions" might help...
With counseling it should help with your fear of people...it's not going to be easy
but you can practice and try, we have faith that you can do this...stay
positive and keep us posted we do care...
**********************************************
* So many dx's I could write a book* "It would be nice if we could use the edit button in real life"...
********>^..^<********>^..^<*******

Blick Nick
New Member


Date Joined Jan 2010
Total Posts : 1
   Posted 11/21/2011 11:47 PM (GMT -6)   
Time heals all wounds.............

Dont fret, Rubik

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42438
   Posted 11/22/2011 8:23 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi Blick Nick,

Welcome to the depression forum. Feel free to start a thread aobut yourself if you would like to.

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies
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