The past couple days have been quite interesting, to say the least. I was asked out on a date and met a guy that is "interested". How does this happen all at once?? I most likely will not take the date. It is with a woman and although I don't have an issue with same sex relationships, my partner was the first girl I dated; she was special. I never though I'd date anyone else (much less another woman); I truly never saw the relationship ending. I don't want to lead anyone on... I feel it would be cruel if I know I wouldn't pursue a relationship.
The toughest part about this is that I just don't even know if it's appropriate. I mean, my partner doesn't speak to me and I've stopped attempting contact. I assume that means its "over", but as I've said, she still has a key and we haven't exchanged the things we have at each other's houses. I think I am scared. Scared that if I spend time with other people, she won't "come back" or that she will blame everything on me. It seems that in her depression right now, everything is someone else's fault... that she isn't adequate enough to be in my life. Is this common in depression? She has said through tears that she just can't be what I need right now and she knows it isn't fair. I just want her to get back to being herself again, but it seems like she doesn't even think that's possible at this point.
She had gone back to talking to a couple close friends we shared when she was talking to me again for that week, but has since stopped. It's like she's scared of trying to "get better" because if she doesn't, it's no one's fault but hers. So, she just doesn't try. A week ago I called her and asked her for clarification on where I stood. I explained that I could only base my decisions off of assumptions and I'd really just like to know exactly what was expected of me in terms of the relationship. Like I said, that's when she tells me "I don't know" or "I'm a mess". I haven't been asked on a date in two years, obviously because I was committed to someone... this is so crazy that it happened that fast!!!
I guess this is a decision I must make on my own?? I figured I'd ask because maybe someone here could understand. It's not that my partner dictates my behavior, I guess that I just don't want to be the one to botch things up so badly they can't be reconciled. For all I know, she could be dating and just beat me to it. I really want things to work out with her, but she isn't making any effort with much of anything right now and if she ultimately decides I am not right for her, I could have really held myself back. i also dont' want to hurt her anymore than she is already hurting from her depression :( It feels like six and one-half dozen to the other.
Sometimes (rarely) I'm a childish, hopeless romantic and I just want to believe she'll come "home" and it'll all be ok. But I have to objectively look at reality. Any opinions would be nice :) Hope everyone is enjoying the day... I hope it turns cooler around here soon. Don't get me wrong 70-80 degree whether is nice, but its almost winter!