I have been reading this website for a couple of weeks and have enjoyed your encouragement and your unconditional acceptance. I have had depression off and on for most of my life but for the last three and a half years I have been severly depressed. Like most of you I have been through a long list of medications. Right now I am on Topomax, Zoloft, Seroquel, and Wellbutrin it almost seems to be my own pharmacey.
I have been seeing a psychologist and a psychiatrist for the past three years and I definately have made progress but I still feel very insecure and anxiety ridden about getting on with my life because I feel like an episode is just around the corner. Most days I feel very dead inside. My savior right now is my work. I often throw myself into my work and focus on doing what I can but after work I feel very sad and unmotivated and I do feel stuck.
Furthermore therapy is very expensive since my insurance covers very little. I have been so focused on just hanging in there and not giving up completely. I have needed my therapist to guide me through this hell on earth. I have been in complete denial. Sometimes I get inpatient and hard on myself because I feel like I am not making enough progress. Do any of you ever feel like that? The other frusturation I have is all of the medications!!! Thanks for letting me vent.