Sharing a personal moment

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SmurfyShadow
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 2386
   Posted 11/21/2011 9:22 AM (GMT -6)   
When I first joined the group it was shortly after my brother was killed in action. I don't know what I would of done without grief counceling and this group. He was my hero, the one who always looked after me,  my best friend. I beat myself up mentally when he was killed because I had stopped talking to him. It was so stupid, the fight we had. I was against him joining the ARMY, because I felt something would happen. Well it  did, and I couldn't say good bye. Only months after his death, I found out a rare disease was attacking my vital organs, and I needed chemotherapy right away. My autoimmune disease actually causes cancer. I am now on my fourth round of chemotherapy. God knows, if I could turn back time, I'd talk to my brother. God knows I'd  give my life for him any day. Now I feel so alone in this bitter cold world. My father recieved a purple heart, and bronze star as well as other medals after my brother was killed. Dad doesnt want to know what happened, but my sister and I know what happened. He and his partner, a k9 partner (dog) were on patrol. They came across an ied (explosive device) and the other soldier who was there tried to disarm it. It predenotated, and my brother shoved the soldier out of the way and screamed "Noooooo"  as he threw himself on the device to save the rest of the unit with him. Both him, and his dog... which was his "son" if anyone asked were killed. Now the holiday time is here, even though its been 4 years, I still can't find any happy moments. Its just not the same without him. I know he's still here with me in my heart, but it is not the same anymore. I feel like part of my heart is ripped out, and its worse over the holidays. I've also realized after the chilling 21 gun salute and recieving two flags that how much people, including me, took their freedom for granted. No one stops to think what a soldier whether four legged or two legged has done. Hardly anyone is truelly thankful to them. We wouldn't have the world we have if it wasn't for these men and women. We'd be under a different government, we wouldn't have freedom as we know it. Despite grief stricken, knowing what I know now, and as well knowing my brother I became very active in military support. If anyone knew my brother, they would understand. Always a smile, found bright side of everything, helped with anything no matter what, honest, faithful, religious, good heart, loved animals, everything everyone dreamed about. That was my brother, and I know with a passion that drives my soul if he were still alive he'd support our military, he would find a way even if he couldn't walk, talk, write. So if there are veterans, soldiers, family of a soldier take my gratitude for what you have done without any questions, hesitation. And know you are in my thoughts and prayers, because of what you have done. Jesus laid down His life for our salvation, and Soldiers lay down their life for our freedom. Let us remember them.
 
Heres a video of my loved ones
 
 
God Speed Soldiers! 
Hoooa 
"The Walking Medical Mystery"

Too many Allergies / Too many RXs & DXs

A Rare Gem for Doctors and Guinee Pig
~Medical Caregiver and Doctors Worse Nightmare~

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42501
   Posted 11/21/2011 9:49 AM (GMT -6)   
Smurfy,

Thank you for sharing. The video made me really cry hard. But I am glad that I watched it. Your postr made me cryb too. As you can see I am having trouble typing. I am so sorry for your loss. I hope that you can heal fromt this.

Know that we are all here for you. Thank you again for sharing. I will write more later.

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

SmurfyShadow
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 2386
   Posted 11/21/2011 10:38 AM (GMT -6)   
I have had closure, but I don't think I'll ever heal. Its worse for me around holidays, cuz i remember him more
"The Walking Medical Mystery"

Too many Allergies / Too many RXs & DXs

A Rare Gem for Doctors and Guinee Pig
~Medical Caregiver and Doctors Worse Nightmare~

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42501
   Posted 11/21/2011 11:28 AM (GMT -6)   
I am sure you do. It will get easier as the years pass. But he will always be close to your heart. I am sorry for the pain you are going through. Thanks again for sharing. You are a gem...

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

Chartreux
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2006
Total Posts : 9664
   Posted 11/21/2011 10:16 PM (GMT -6)   
Smurfy,
Thanks for sharing, many many Sympathies, it's never easy to get over the loss of a loved one,
but please know he knew you loved him and he knows that now, he'll be forever with you in
your heart and I hope you remember that and you did him a great service with your message,
he'd be so proud of you and what it conveys, and I agree our military service members don't
get the credit that is their due, the sacrifices our military members makes are done for us,
here at home and we should salute them and honor them in everyway...
Many well wishes to you and deepest sympathies...
**********************************************
* So many dx's I could write a book* "It would be nice if we could use the edit button in real life"...
********>^..^<********>^..^<*******

sos007
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2011
Total Posts : 615
   Posted 11/21/2011 10:26 PM (GMT -6)   
Smurfy, I am so sorry for the loss of your brother. I am sure your brother new you loved him. I have a brother and a sister and over the years we have had disagreements but they new I loved them and I always new that they also loved me. Tried not to be hard on yourself, remember all the good times you shared. Holidays are always hard when someone is missing due to death, I will keep you in my prayers.

Take care, Amy

theHTreturns...
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 20227
   Posted 11/22/2011 12:02 AM (GMT -6)   
with much healing and loving compassion, jamie.
EMOTIONALLY UNSTABLE PERSONALITY DISORDER,

RAPID CYCLING BI-POLAR DISORDER

REMEMBER TO LOVE YOU. BE YOU AND BE TRUE.

SmurfyShadow
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 2386
   Posted 11/22/2011 4:25 AM (GMT -6)   
I remember when we heard the news I was in complete utter shock. It took me a long time to realize he actually wasn't coming home. And thankfully I found this site, and some people, I think Karen was the one, who managed to talk me into counceling. I was so shocked, at a doctor appointment my doctor did the mistake of bringing up "war" as a topic. I freaked out, went ballastic, started crying and went in shock. He never got it out of me til 6 months in counceling. I finally told him, and he looked at me and said "I wish I would of known, I would of handled things differently." I couldn't even go to the grave. Last year, 3 years later, was my first time going. I have gone many times, even on medical transport and laid flowers of all colors upon his grave. I don't know how my parents did it, but they somehow got the President to honour his will. His son (really its a dog that was his partner who also was killed), was cremated along with my brother and burried together.
For the past few weeks, my brother has been in the news, despite him being deceased. If any of you been watching the news, my brother was the soldier and his dog partner that were honoured in Colorado and the Dog Park named after them just this very month.
Last night, I was on facebook, and I got a dream come true. Someone found old videos of him while he was in Iraq and posted it. I was just thinking that I didn't remember his voice, and there were videos of him.
"The Walking Medical Mystery"

Too many Allergies / Too many RXs & DXs

A Rare Gem for Doctors and Guinee Pig
~Medical Caregiver and Doctors Worse Nightmare~

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42501
   Posted 11/22/2011 9:32 AM (GMT -6)   
I am happy that you found the videos Smurf. Thanks so much for sharing this. I cried so hard when I watched the video, but it was a good cry.

I hope that you find peace and contentment. Know that we all care about you here. Take care, keep posting.

Gentle hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

awty
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2010
Total Posts : 790
   Posted 11/22/2011 9:43 AM (GMT -6)   
Smurfy,

I am humbled that you shared something so meaningful, thankyou for being vunlerable and honest, you gave us all a gift. May you continue to find ways to remember but heal especially around hoilday times
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