I agree with Jim1969, I do not think he hates you. Originally, you wanted a break. It sounds like you are admitting to self destructive behavior. It is possible that your boyfriend doesn't hate you, but can't deal with watching you spiral downward/hurt yourself with reckless decisions. I know that I have done everything possible not to know what my ex does because it only hurts me. I don't want to know about her going to the bar, parties, casino, or hanging out with a bad crowd. I deleted her on facebook, have asked my friends not to tell me what they hear and I stay away from her workplace/places she may hangout. It's more of a self-preservation for me. It hurts me that she hurts herself and I don't want to know about it; I also have tried everything I thought may help and it didn't. Your boyfriend may be taking the same approach. It doesn't mean he doesn't care, it just means he doesn't know how to deal.
And like Karen said, he may not understand at all. You did mention that he was making it very difficult for you because he did not understand. It is really difficult for others to understand what you are going through, even if they have been depressed before. Everyone is different and everyone has a different process for healing.
I try to tell myself that if my ex and I were involved in each other's lives right now, would it really make me happy?? Yes, I miss her, but things would be miserable. She didn't address her depression for months and she still isn't now. Do I really want to expose myself to all that hurt again just because I love and miss her? No. I want her to help herself get better. She said that she is too comfortable around me... that she doesn't deal with her problems. Just like you want and need to deal with your emotions, she does too. Whether it was out of comfort or normalcy, having your boyfriend around was keeping you from dealing with things.
You have to want to make good decisions for yourself, not because of him. You are worth it! Everyone will make mistakes, yes, but it's what you take away from that mistake. Do you repeat it or make changes? I think you have expressed that you are ready to make changes. That is a great start already.
It's tough, but anything that's worth having is normally challenging. Keep working at it :) Happy Thanksgiving!