Losing my best friend ;(

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elfenprincess
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Date Joined Nov 2011
Total Posts : 96
   Posted 11/22/2011 12:10 AM (GMT -6)   
I've talked about how me and my boyfriend were going on a break, and now we are. He told me he's always been afriad of the choices I'll make while trying to find the independence that I really, desperately need. Emotionally, I'm so unstable and I know that. I'm working on it-going to therapy, school, a group for people with mental illness. But even so, when the break began I felt so alone that I ended up already making reckless decisions. He told me he'd always love me no matter what, support me. But now that he knows I did things that I felt I couldn't help, he's cutting me out completely. I asked him what he wants, for me to just never talk to him again? :( and he wouldn't answer me. I just feel lost now. If the one person that's loved me and been my best friend for years can hate me for being mentally ill and making mistakes, then I feel hopeless. Might as well continue destroying myself.

Jim1969
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   Posted 11/22/2011 12:20 AM (GMT -6)   
He probably does not hate you. Most likely he doesn't know what to do to help you at this time and in his own way is lost and confused.
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SmurfyShadow
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   Posted 11/22/2011 4:28 AM (GMT -6)   
May I ask of what mental illness (besides depression) you have? I have many resources for DD people. I also am a DD (mental problems).

Take comfort, my friend, I recently broke up with my man, of 9 years. Found out the typical (no offense men) cheated on me, not once but three times with my best friend (like NOT anymore my friend)
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getting by
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   Posted 11/22/2011 9:38 AM (GMT -6)   
It doesn't sound like he was very supportive of you. That isn't good. You need somebody who can understand depression. Take care of you. It will happen in time.

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

greenbean885
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Date Joined Nov 2011
Total Posts : 310
   Posted 11/23/2011 12:47 PM (GMT -6)   
I agree with Jim1969, I do not think he hates you. Originally, you wanted a break. It sounds like you are admitting to self destructive behavior. It is possible that your boyfriend doesn't hate you, but can't deal with watching you spiral downward/hurt yourself with reckless decisions. I know that I have done everything possible not to know what my ex does because it only hurts me. I don't want to know about her going to the bar, parties, casino, or hanging out with a bad crowd. I deleted her on facebook, have asked my friends not to tell me what they hear and I stay away from her workplace/places she may hangout. It's more of a self-preservation for me. It hurts me that she hurts herself and I don't want to know about it; I also have tried everything I thought may help and it didn't. Your boyfriend may be taking the same approach. It doesn't mean he doesn't care, it just means he doesn't know how to deal.

And like Karen said, he may not understand at all. You did mention that he was making it very difficult for you because he did not understand. It is really difficult for others to understand what you are going through, even if they have been depressed before. Everyone is different and everyone has a different process for healing.

I try to tell myself that if my ex and I were involved in each other's lives right now, would it really make me happy?? Yes, I miss her, but things would be miserable. She didn't address her depression for months and she still isn't now. Do I really want to expose myself to all that hurt again just because I love and miss her? No. I want her to help herself get better. She said that she is too comfortable around me... that she doesn't deal with her problems. Just like you want and need to deal with your emotions, she does too. Whether it was out of comfort or normalcy, having your boyfriend around was keeping you from dealing with things.

You have to want to make good decisions for yourself, not because of him. You are worth it! Everyone will make mistakes, yes, but it's what you take away from that mistake. Do you repeat it or make changes? I think you have expressed that you are ready to make changes. That is a great start already.

It's tough, but anything that's worth having is normally challenging. Keep working at it :) Happy Thanksgiving!

elfenprincess
Regular Member


Date Joined Nov 2011
Total Posts : 96
   Posted 11/25/2011 10:35 PM (GMT -6)   
Thanks everyone for the replies, I really appreciate it...
Things have been spiraling out of control and everything seems like it's hanging in the balance right now, I'm feeling so anxious and sad. I have talked to him some since my last post and they were ok, we were communicating at least about things, but now he's just messaged me something that seems to imply that he's been spying on me or stalking me, which is really upsetting and disturbing. We both agreed on this break and the groundrules were stated before hand. It seems like if not seeing each other is part of it, then stalking or invading privacy should be out too. I know if he's done this it's because he cares but if so he's as sick as I am in some ways.

Greenbean, what you said makes sense about not wanting to see someone you care about self destruct. I know I wouldn't want to see that either.....if he said he really couldn't stand to see it anymore but that he understood my problems and still cared he'd be helping me alot more than what he's doing now. What this whole situation has become is torture, and it's hurting me more and more everyday :( I hate to see him hurt at all, but he knows how much I've been suffering internally literally for years and years, since I was just a kid. If I could I'd just make all the pain for both of us go away. I feel like he's about to say some really mean things to me and I just can't take it, I feel so fragile now ;(

Smurfyshadows, I have also been diagnosed with bipolar 2, possibly borderline personality and social anxiety disorder. I have a whole slew of problems, haha.

I'm sorry if this sounds confusing at all, im just talking to get things out ;( Thanks alot for the replies

greenbean885
Regular Member


Date Joined Nov 2011
Total Posts : 310
   Posted 11/26/2011 11:26 AM (GMT -6)   
It's good for you to get everything out. Being afraid that he will say something that will hurt you may be caused by some anxiety. I understand how hurtful it is to be ignored... That's what my ex did to me. You're right, if he could communicate more clearly to you, it may help you. I have often thought the same thing, but like I said, there's still a whole mess of problems.

I think when we love someone, we don't ever want to see them hurt. It's very understandable that you'd like to demolish both his pain and yours. Unfortunately, you can't take on someone else's pain (trust me, I tried... It doesn't work!). I wish I could understand why she ignores me, just like he ignores you. It's really tough, but I'm giving up all control; well, I'm just realizing I never had any in the first place. I got my things and my key back from her... She wouldn't even give them to me, she gave them to a friend.

I have always put others before myself. I don't think it's a bad quality, but I do think I need to learn to have a balance of being selfless while continuing to take care of myself. Make this about YOU. Girl it's tough, but you can do it. I have been wondering the past week when I will see my "light at the end of the tunnel". I have no idea when I'll see it, but if I quit or give up, I can guarantee I never will.

It's tough and it's going to take awhile to get used to, but like my group therapist said, "something really positive will come from all your hard work".

Keep posting!! It's totally ok to vent, we all need it.

elfenprincess
Regular Member


Date Joined Nov 2011
Total Posts : 96
   Posted 11/26/2011 5:11 PM (GMT -6)   
Thank you!! It's really helpful to get it all out there. I'm hoping something positive will come if i keep working hard.

It turns out he hacked my laptop (how in gods name he did this, I don't know. But he's a computer guru). I made me so angry, he's invaded my privacy before but this takes things to a whole new level. He said he did it to "protect me" but that really makes no sense. I really can forgive almost anything and with that said, I still love him and told him so. I would still be there for him if he had a problem or anything, and I want is that same understanding back from a person I love. I'll never understand the sneaking around that he's done though. Makes me realize I wasn't crazy for thinking he'd installed cameras in my room at one point! shocked

getting by
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Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42612
   Posted 11/26/2011 6:00 PM (GMT -6)   
That would be scarey.

You can't have much of a relationship without trust. My first husband was like that and it was his guilt that made him that way. That is why he always thought I was cheating, and watching every move I made. Because he was doing it himself, so that was the way that he thought. Watch out for posessiveness. That isn't any fun at all. I hope he isn't like that.

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

elfenprincess
Regular Member


Date Joined Nov 2011
Total Posts : 96
   Posted 11/26/2011 7:48 PM (GMT -6)   
Thank you. It's really no good for any relationship...Yes,and it's really scary behavior-it makes me wonder if he could be hiding things too. I know everyone has some things they don't want to share and I accept that which is why I never go looking for things. If i have a problem I'd rather just confront someone about it up front.

getting by
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Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42612
   Posted 11/26/2011 9:05 PM (GMT -6)   
Does it feel like he is stalking you though? Does he still have access to your accounts and such? Don't let that continue.

I hope that things work out for you. Keep posting.

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

Chartreux
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2006
Total Posts : 9664
   Posted 11/26/2011 10:56 PM (GMT -6)   
That is indeed scary what he did and it's good your out of that relationship, (sorry to say that)
but no one should spy on another, maybe log out of all your accounts and set up new passwords
and he wasn't good enough for you, you deserve better and you will find it...and sure
it'll be hard to get over but again your worth someone more special, and let your parents
know your computer got hacked and get help from them if you can, glad your in counseling
about this...many well wishes being sent to you....
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* So many dx's I could write a book* "It would be nice if we could use the edit button in real life"...
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elfenprincess
Regular Member


Date Joined Nov 2011
Total Posts : 96
   Posted 11/27/2011 11:52 PM (GMT -6)   
Thanks...
I'm not sure if he's still doing it, and I have no way of knowing ;/ It's really scary. I'm going to change all my passwords but I don't think that's what he did. The crazy thing is many of the guys I've talked to and some guys from my past have done this to me, and they think it's acceptable!!!! Stalking/spying/hacking into their girlfriends things. Makes me really mad mad


Thanks for listening <3

sos007
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2011
Total Posts : 615
   Posted 11/28/2011 12:05 AM (GMT -6)   
Wow Elf.......cameras in your room, that is just not right. Sorry to say but I am glad you are out of this relationship. I mean no trust no relationship. You deserve better than that. I hope things get better for you.

Take care, Amy

Chartreux
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2006
Total Posts : 9664
   Posted 11/28/2011 11:03 AM (GMT -6)   
Maybe turn your webcams off and unplug them for now, until you feel
safe again...take precautions for your safety...we care about you and
I'm so very sorry this happened to you...and never give anyone
your passwords and if you think you've been hacked change them,
it'll make you feel better...many well wishes...care about you...
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* So many dx's I could write a book* "It would be nice if we could use the edit button in real life"...
********>^..^<********>^..^<*******

elfenprincess
Regular Member


Date Joined Nov 2011
Total Posts : 96
   Posted 11/29/2011 1:24 AM (GMT -6)   
Thank you <3

sos007
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Date Joined Nov 2011
Total Posts : 615
   Posted 11/29/2011 1:41 AM (GMT -6)   
Elf....hope things are going better for you.....You are in my prayers



Bless you, Amy





Chronic pain(nerve), fibro and mild depression

elfenprincess
Regular Member


Date Joined Nov 2011
Total Posts : 96
   Posted 11/30/2011 4:57 AM (GMT -6)   
Thank you all so much, I really appreciate the responses...I'm doing ok at the moment but this whole time has been a rollercoaster of emotions...Just trying to take it one day at a time.

<3

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42612
   Posted 11/30/2011 7:11 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi Elf,

Taking life one day at a time is the best that we can do. I know about the rollercoaster. I hope that things chill for you and that you feel better.

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies
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