Hi everyone. I had a heart to heart with myself and some reflection. I thought about the reason behind Thanksgiving...to stop and take a moment to be grateful for that which we are thankful for. I realized that my sons are at the top of the list. They are great young men. My oldest is an assistant manager for a huge company with stores all over the world. My youngest is a straight "A" student in college.
Yes, they let me down at Thanksgiving. But, after reading the responses here in my other thread, I was able to gain perspective. They are still young, making their way through life. They haven't had life experiences that come with time. I have been guilty of pushing away many friends through the course of this illness of mine. I simply won't do that to my sons. They do have many great qualities and they have helped me with things in the past. Whether it be helping me with my computer to helping me move into my apartment. They have also given their opinion on simple decisions that I have had to make. They have been there for me and that knowledge got lost in this situation over Thanksgiving.
I now realize that I was grieving the loss of my brother, mother, and daddy. My first Thanksgiving without all of them. Somehow all that emotion caused me to blame my sons to an extent which they didn't deserve. I won't push them away because I am disappointed. In the future, I will be aware to compromise around their schedules in order to celebrate the holidays. My oldest son lives about 6 hours away from me. He is coming for Christmas and I will welcome him (and his girlfriend) with open arms. I'm not sure of my youngest son's plans yet, but I will work around whatever he has planned.
I want to thank you all for your great responses and the ability to come here. Over the last 15 years of battling this illness, I have learned much and how to cope. It's still not perfect (as my recent meltdown illustrates). Maybe I will have the opportunity to share what I have learned with others here.
I would like to share my own personal motto...a quote that has served to help me cope. It is: Life is sustained by hope