wondering mind

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greenbean885
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Date Joined Nov 2011
Total Posts : 310
   Posted 11/29/2011 10:39 AM (GMT -6)   
I've read and heard a lot of times that before you can help someone who is depressed, you must first take care of yourself. That before helping others, you must help yourself. What is it that this actually means? Before you can tutor someone in academics, you must first understand the material enough to help them understand. But if only one person is depressed and you cant understand their depression without their explanation, what is it that you actually end up helping with?

My mind wanders into many many places, always questioning something new. I guess I am just stuck on this concept. Is it a matter of being mentally and emotionally stable enough that you can tolerate another's weaknesses without judgement and resentment? Depression seems to be such an individual battle... what is it that others do that even helps other than being understanding at the right times??

Just some food for thought :) Hope everyone is having a wonderful day- it finally cooled down here a bit!

getting by
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Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42307
   Posted 11/29/2011 11:19 AM (GMT -6)   
I think in becoming strong we are more able to help the other person. If they can be helped, actually they need to help themselves. But dealing with a depressed person can make us depresseed too. It kind of rubs off. That is why people tell you to take care of you. Get counseling on how to live with a depressed person. That really helps us grow and help the other person. But if it is getting to us, we have to help us...

It is kind of hard to explain. OFten the depressed person doesn't think the other person can understand. Sometimes they cant. That is when I always tell them to get the help to understand what the first person is going through. I hope that this makes some sense to you. I am having trouble expressing it.

I think in any case, that the normal person gets depressed from being around the depressed person. Unless they are super strong and can over come that. Some are...

It is hard to make sense out of it all. I would take each day as it comes and just do the best that you can. Wondering about it sometimes ends up confusing us even more. Trying to sort it all out. It is hard. We dont' know what the other person is thinking or what they really want out of life. But we keep trying, that is the best that you can do. Work on you, try to be happy. Let the chips fall as they may...

Hope that this helps in some small way.

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

greenbean885
Regular Member


Date Joined Nov 2011
Total Posts : 310
   Posted 11/29/2011 11:52 AM (GMT -6)   
Thank you for trying to explain. You are right, trying to understand so many things may confuse me more. I did feel like I was being dragged into the hole of ex's depression, so maybe this process will help me grow to where I can better help my sister without falling in the hole. My sister doesn't live near me, so I feel it is a safer situation, though some days it weighs more on me than others.

I am a little upset with myself today. The sketchy friend I talked about yesterday... she asked if she could stay on my couch this weekend since she drives into work. She also asked if her mother can stay. I could not say no, as they have allowed me to stay at their house many times when I was not stable enough to drive back after therapy. I know this is a bad situation, but I do see it as "repaying" my debt. I do not plan on staying with them anymore, so after this, it's all "even". They are both kind people, I guess I am just annoyed with the "two faced" friend and I wanted to give myself some time to deal with it. It will be ok though!

I have my first CASA training session today- it feels nice to have something to look forward to after work!

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42307
   Posted 11/29/2011 1:45 PM (GMT -6)   
Don't be upset with yourself. As you say, now it will be even. You can handle this I think.

It is easy to get dragged into somebody elses depression. It was that way with my first husband, once I started feeling better, he was down. From me being depressed. That just happens. Kind of like picking up on a dark aura.

I think you are doing well. It is a daily struggle sometimes. Keep on trying, never give up.

Good luck with the CASA training session. Let us know how it goes.

Hugs Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies
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