My family just doesn't understand

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elfenprincess
Regular Member


Date Joined Nov 2011
Total Posts : 96
   Posted 12/1/2011 5:01 PM (GMT -6)   
All throughout my childhood my parents haven't been very affectionate or emotional toward me, so to this day I'm not close to them. We don't talk about our feelings or personal views very much.

When I was a teenager I used to try so hard to connect with them and would always express when I was in pain because I desperately needed them...but most of the time they would just say things like "get over it" or "you're not trying hard enough, you just need to DO IT (get better)." They almost have the mentality that mental illness doesn't exist, or that it's wrong to feel anything but competent and functional. It's really frustrating and sad to live in this kind of family where things just get pushed aside. I never want to live like that ;( Now that I'm older, 21...I've started to kind of give up on having the close relationship with them I want. My grandma recently moved in with our family and that seems further incentive to just shut up and not express real feelings, because she is the same way. I try sometimes to bring things up with my Mom, Dad or brother but the other night I said it and I got the same response as ever. My brother said he has the same problems but that he just represses them and moves on. He told me to just have a sense of humor about it...I know that's good and I do, but there's a point where humor doesn't solve a problem that hasn't gone away for years and years. My brother also has an extreme alcohol and drug problem (wow, I wonder why!) O.o :(

sos007
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2011
Total Posts : 615
   Posted 12/1/2011 5:35 PM (GMT -6)   
I am so sorry your family is insensitive. Maybe what you need is a good support group. Maybe ask your doc the next time you have an appointment. You may have to learn to self soothe many people do not have the support. Do you live in a large center or small town. Maybe try and get out such as swimming something that is not hard on your body. Do you have friends? I agree your brother is just covering up something. Do not take the same rhoute he has this will surely end in bigger problems.

Take care, Amy ( I care)



Chronic pain (nerve), fibro, mild depression and a few more eyes idea smhair shocked

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42434
   Posted 12/1/2011 8:22 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi there,

You may just have to accept this and as posted above, find other forms of support. Which means that you will be moving on from your issues with them and start living a life of your own. It doens't mean not to have ocntact with them, but I wouldn't try to discuss things with them either. So you may have to distance yourself some.

Are you going to any type of counseling? This is a good way to speed up the healing process. I go regularly and so do most of us.

I hope that things get better for you. This forum is a good source of support. I think you have realized that. Keep posting and know that we care.

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

elfenprincess
Regular Member


Date Joined Nov 2011
Total Posts : 96
   Posted 12/1/2011 8:41 PM (GMT -6)   
Thanks....I'm seeing a therapist right now and was thinking of joining a group of some kind...I've done it in the past and it helped. My family just doesn't want to understand and there's no point in trying to talk to them about these things much anymore...

theHTreturns...
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 20186
   Posted 12/1/2011 10:52 PM (GMT -6)   
here for you. jamie
EMOTIONALLY UNSTABLE PERSONALITY DISORDER,

RAPID CYCLING BI-POLAR DISORDER

REMEMBER TO LOVE YOU. BE YOU AND BE TRUE.

elfenprincess
Regular Member


Date Joined Nov 2011
Total Posts : 96
   Posted 12/2/2011 3:40 AM (GMT -6)   
Thank you jamiee <3

bayoub2
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 2861
   Posted 12/2/2011 3:45 AM (GMT -6)   
Noone really understands unless they have been in your shoes..even each one of us feels our depression in a very personal way...Thank God we can come here and share

I think a group would be a great idea, getting feedback...I have alays found it helpful when I have been in the hospital and there is strength in numbers

Right now, this forum is my group therapy-lol-insurance only pays for so many visits.

I wish you the best of luck
Maggie
"We never realize how strong we are, until being strong is the only thing left"
Major Depressive Disorder, ptsd, fibromyalgia, chronic pain, l3/4, L4/5 gone, bursitis arthritis sciatica

cymbalta seroquel hydrocodone klonopin magnesium potassium

theHTreturns...
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 20186
   Posted 12/2/2011 4:25 AM (GMT -6)   
my group therapy too maggie. and what a kind caring group. love 2 ya all. jamie

your welcome elfenprincess. keep posting, we care about you. one day at a time my friend. jamie
EMOTIONALLY UNSTABLE PERSONALITY DISORDER,

RAPID CYCLING BI-POLAR DISORDER

REMEMBER TO LOVE YOU. BE YOU AND BE TRUE.

sos007
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2011
Total Posts : 615
   Posted 12/4/2011 1:28 AM (GMT -6)   
Same for me this is better than any group therapy I have been involved in. It all takes time. Elf........remember baby steps.......



Take care all, Amy
Chronic Pain(nerve), fibro, mild depression and a few others

theHTreturns...
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 20186
   Posted 12/4/2011 3:55 AM (GMT -6)   
keep posting. we care. how are you doin'? with healing compassion, jamie
EMOTIONALLY UNSTABLE PERSONALITY DISORDER,

RAPID CYCLING BI-POLAR DISORDER

REMEMBER TO LOVE YOU. BE YOU AND BE TRUE.

awty
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2010
Total Posts : 790
   Posted 12/4/2011 4:38 AM (GMT -6)   
Hey Elf,

I grew up in the envirnoment you speak off, I knew as a kid I couldn't rely on my caregivers for any support, and that didn't change as I matured. As hurtful as it is, the truth is, I learn't to rely on no-one for support and I knew I could only rely on myself.

Over time, I have carefully and slowly learn't to trust a few very good friends and they have been able to understand and have gone along way to heal some of the gaps I had been carring around.

I think Elf, once you process and come to a place that you can let go of expecting emotional support from them, (in normal relationships, this is an entitlment), you will feel alot better about the being self relient for your validation. But the difficulty is, reaching that place can be painful, as you go through a process of grieving what you have never had but should have had all along

elfenprincess
Regular Member


Date Joined Nov 2011
Total Posts : 96
   Posted 12/4/2011 7:47 PM (GMT -6)   
I think I'm starting to accept that my family won't be there for me in that way :/ I need to learn how to rely on myself more...still don't really have friends I can rely on and become overly dependent on certain people. But Everyone on this forum has been really sweet and supportive, so that helps too :)

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42434
   Posted 12/4/2011 8:00 PM (GMT -6)   
We are the only ones that we can rely on. Ourselves. And we have to be good to ourselves and be true. We can't depend on anybody else to make us happy or keep us safe. So grow in your strengths. Keep accelling. We have faith that you can do that and become totally independant and be proud of that. Keep on fighting. Know that we all care about you. I hope that your day was good and that tomorrow is even better. Keep posting.

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

dakota14
New Member


Date Joined Dec 2011
Total Posts : 7
   Posted 12/4/2011 9:53 PM (GMT -6)   
I know exactly how you feel, my family is the same exact way. I actually joined this to get advice for my older brother who is not doing so well with depression and anxiety and the only people who care enough to reach out to him are myself and my aunt. I guess I realized this is actually a big help for me too because reading what other people have been through is a relief that I'm not going crazy! lol But anyway, it is a difficult thing to come to terms with, and having to accept your family for who they are despite what you need them to be is painful. I'm 23 and still have a really difficult time doing it. I've gotten into countless fights with my mom about how she doesn't ever see things from my perspective and turns everything into how SHE feels. How unbelievabley frustrating! It's a sad fact but I am more mature than she is, a grown 55 year old woman. But the fact that you realize the family dynamic you have isn't right is a really great thing. Because you can take what you've learned through their mistakes and make yourself a wonderful life full of all the love and care you deserved for all those years. Try to stay positive and focus on the goals you have for your own life. Dwelling on the past and how you wish things were or could be is just going to keep you stuck in a sad place, so try to envision your future and all the great things you plan on doing. Hope you feel better!

sos007
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2011
Total Posts : 615
   Posted 12/4/2011 10:49 PM (GMT -6)   
Elf and Dakota......I know it is hard when the people who should care the most don't, I agree with the others you will just have to learn to only depend on you. I think you both have found the right forum to come too. This forum has been great therapy for me. The members in this forum are so helpful and uplifting and we all welcome you both with open arms. I will keep you both in my prayers


Take care, Amy
Chronic Pain(nerve), fibro, mild depression and a few others

elfenprincess
Regular Member


Date Joined Nov 2011
Total Posts : 96
   Posted 12/5/2011 8:42 PM (GMT -6)   
Thanks everyone <3 It really sucks having a family like this, but I'm starting to accept that they just won't be understanding toward me. Depending on myself has been the hardest thing because I have such low self esteem, but I'm working on it. This forum has been very supportive :)
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