Hi there-- I am new to the forum. I am a 25 year old who has been suffering from depression since about age 13. However, I always seemed to be able to manage the depression and maintain friendships, get good grades, and work well until I turned 21 and it was almost as if a switch flipped. For the past few years since, I have had a very hard time keeping a job (eventually I just am not able to get out of bed anymore, or my performance suffers until I am horribly embarassed) and have been sabotaging my education. I might be graduating in a week or so, if I didn't blow this semester, too.
I currently have a job in my field-- but the work environment is SO negative (and being a depressive, it is very hard for me not to take things personally) that it has made me into an employee i am not proud to be, as well as aggravating my depression. I am currently on "medical leave" AKA had a bit of a breakdown, trying to decide what I'm going to do. Ideally, I'd like to leave the job and find something that I could make OK money at that isn't too trying so I can focus on myself. I'd like to get some outpatient treatment from a local institution to hopefully help me with my coping skills. It just seems like there are no opportunities out there, and it seems crazy to give up a paying job.... but I was drowning there.
I'm so afraid of never achieving my dreams and being this lazy person for the rest of my life. It isn't who I am, but it seems to be all I can handle sometimes. It just seems like all the work to finish school, to get help is for nothing because I haven't been able to get better.
I'd really appreciate any advice/encouragement you could give-- I really need it right now. Even suggestions of how to get help/treatment, things that might help, places to look for work? anything... i'd be so appreciative.