Welcome to the forum, it is great that you joined and started this thread.
I agree with Amy and Jamiee, you are possibly only going to feel better once you brake away from the abusive relationship you are in at the moment. You don't deserve to be abused, and I am asking you to have more selfworth and choose to remove yourself from danger. Once you are free from this fear you have been living with, you will have an internal shift within you, and you will have the focus and energy you need to grieve and process your divorce.
Best of luck to you, I am glad you asked for help, continue to let us know how you are getting on please