As many of you know my family situation is struggling. I recognize that I am very depressed. I have an appointment with my therapist on Monday to begin working on some of my issues that I have not resolved. I recognize that the problems in my marriage are a direct result of my past behaviors, anger, and in my feelings sins. I have sought forgivness from God and feel that He has forgiven me, still working on forgiving myself.
Well things have not imporved at home over the past 18 months. I have been waiting and trying to give my wife the time she ahs asked for to get through the significant pain I have caused her. I also recognize that the way we are living now is merely surviving and it is not enough for me to just survive. If I have hurt her to the point that she can not find it in her to forgive and strive to find happiness together, I also realize that is a consequence of my past behavior I am going to have to live with. I also know that I can not or more I am not willing to continue the way our life is right now.
We have an appointment with the Senior Minister of our church next week and I am going to let my wife know how I am feeling and let her know I believe it is time for some difficult decisions to be made. If this is all she is able to give and does not believe she can find it in her heart to love or express her love for me then it is time to move on and begin planning to live our lives seperately and how to do that in a way that will impact the kids as minimally as possible.
I guess the reason I am posting this is I really feel the need for your prayers for me and my family right now. Not so much that we will get back together, but that we will all recognize what is God's will for us and have the faith in Him to follow the path he lays out for us. Thank you all for all your care, love and support. I am a better person for knowing each of you and feel blessed I have such a caring place to come and open up my heart knowing it is a safe place to do so. God bless each of you.