Randy and Dbab...
I'm sure it's like riding a rollercoaster and there are going to be good days and bad days. All I can say is if the love is there and both partners are willing to each give 100% - Not 50-50, both 100 - 100, then the rest will fall into place.
Randy I don't know your full situation with your wife, but I can say is one thing is getting rid of the guilt and beating yourself up. Forgive yourself! I know it's easier said than done...I do hope you and your wife are able to work through the issues and get to a better place. All the best.
Dbab, I'm sorry that you've had it rough. It's been a while since you've been around, I am glad to see you back posting. Venting helps and so does the support from others.
Good to hear that you and your husband are working together. It isn't easy but the hard work will pay off.
What I can say is, try to remember the NOW. The past issues are past issues - Yes they may come into play in the present - But what is done is done. Don't hold grudges, don't hang on to anger...Stay in the NOW and know that is what counts...And all the love still left in the marriage.
Take care- Both of you.