Can I do this? Am I depressed?

Well, those are certainly symptoms of depression for some folks,

Greenbean885.

Why are your judging yourself based on HER feelings? You are important in life; you have invaluable contributions to make, and there is someone out there who is worthy of a healthy friendship. She sees things differently from you. That doesn't make you less of a person; it just means that she doesn't feel as you do. I think her personality may be unstable, but that's a judgment and we should avoid making them.

NEVER judge yourself based on somebody else's opinion of who you are. Simply live by your deepest inner principles and don't even judge yourself. Just evaluate who you are and live by those principles. That's what makes one strong in life--that and having deep spiritual values.

One thing we all have to do in life is to determine what comes FIRST in our lives.  If we can get that priority established, everything else seems to fall in line.

You might wish to continue psychotherapy.

It's Genetic

Post Edited (It's Genetic) : 12/6/2011 11:23:41 AM (GMT-7)

Hey Courtney

SHE is the one who is not worthy, not you. I know you don't see it right now, but you deserve better treatment than that. It is her actions that ended the relationship, not yours.

It may take awhile but this too shall pass..

Take care
Maggie

---

"We never realize how strong we are, until being strong is the only thing left"
Major Depressive Disorder, ptsd, fibromyalgia, chronic pain, l3/4, L4/5 gone, bursitis arthritis sciatica

cymbalta seroquel hydrocodone klonopin magnesium potassium

For what it's worth, Greenbean885, even the very best experts have been fooled by the psychopath. They are very cunning, shallow emoting, predatory types. They will con you for everything you have and then leave without any regrets or conscience whatsoever.

That's their problem: they have no conscience; Dr. Hare, who is an expert on this subject, says that they have no SOUL. There's the answer for you.  (There are two books that might interest you:

"Without Conscience" and "Snakes in Suits", both by Dr. Hare.)

Please continue psychotherapy until the trauma has flown away from your soul.

I.G.

Post Edited (It's Genetic) : 12/6/2011 11:16:00 AM (GMT-7)

I will be going to the appt today, but my grandmother is calling in the big dogs (aka my parents). I think many other things are bothering me aside from this situation and I have only focused on this one because I know how bad the others hurt. When I was depressed 4 years ago, I dealt with the sadness of the situations. All of a sudden one day, my psychologist said I was no longer depressed. I was only in therapy for 2.5 months and he quit me cold turkey. I don't think I ever truly healed and this situation has re-hashed all the old wounds, especially the feeling of abandonment.

So, I admitted I needed help. I need real meds, no more "natural supplements". I can't keep losing sleep, crying, and throwing up. I live in fear in my own city for the dumbest reasons. I don't want to lose my job, but moving in with my grandmother 2.5 hours away may be what I need right now. I don't know... but I faced one of my fears and let someone know I need help and am not ok. I tried on my own and I tried very hard and now I need guidance. My therapist only listens to me which is great, but I'm so far down I need someone to tell me what to do until I can handle figuring it out on my own. I vowed I would never feel this way again and here it is, depression staring me right in the face.

I don't want to blame her, but I can nearly guarantee if I handn't been exposed to her depression for so long, chances of this happening would be a lot smaller. Either way, I'm not ok and I asked for help and no matter how much I cry or how scary it is, something's gotta give.

I hope the appointment goes well, Greenbean885.

You will one day look back on this and think that you learned some valuable lessons about people and life. If you ever marry and have children, be sure to warn them about some types of folks, though most people mean well and are sincere.

Take good care of yourself. I've given you all I know to help.


I.G.

I have an appt Friday with a family practitioner to hopefully get some medicine or be referred to the right person to help. My mom said she would drive up here to go with me, I just don't want to burden them with all my issues, especially because I cannot tell them why this has bothered me so much.

I have never felt loved by the people I should have felt love from. The end of relationships emotionally and physically kill me because I feel loved and then it is lost. I didn't even realize this until I realized why I feel so abandoned. Like I said, I had never dated a girl. She treated me like I had always wanted a mom to treat me... Took care of things for me when I was too busy or stressed, loved me even in my bad moods, cooked me dinner, left me notes. I did the same things for her, so I never felt like it was a bad relationship, but I do realize now that it was unhealthy.

Right now, I am hurt that I realized it was unhealthy and that I want to make changes. It just doesn't feel good to be loved, be left, and have promises that "things would get better" broken. Many of you may think I am sick minded for essentially seeking a mother in my partner, but I didn't know I had those neglects or desires within me. I just wanted to be loved. When things got bad, I did at least love myself enough to know I couldn't handle it, but now, it seems like knowing that about myself punished me. As crazy as it is, some days I would rather feel loved and miserable than unloved and abandoned.

I don't dislike myself, but I don't think I love myself enough. I keep hearing about how great it is to love yourself and how fulfilling it is to take care of the inner child. I dont know how to do those things and I think counseling will help, I think I need some meds to help get me straight. On top of that, I'm sick from all this stress, fatigue and upset feelings.

I don't even know what I want because I don't remember who I am. I thought I knew at one point and right now I just want to be loved so badly it hurts and overwhelms me and distorts any clear thinking I had. I don't want to be a big girl, I just want to go home or to my grandmother's and be taken care of.

I just would have thought that after 3 months of counseling, something would have gotten better by now. I'm going back next week for the EMDR treatment because my therapist feels that talking is only going to help me so much, that my brain needs to be healed.

In group therapy yesterday, my other therapist described my pain as a vortex. That this one situation is on top and its the largest surface that we can see, but that there are many many layers underneath everything that are hurting to the core.

I am glad that I told my parents what is going on because although they aren't very nurturing, they are concerned and they do check on me. If only my friends could understand. I have asked people to go to the appt with me Friday and they just don't get why I need support when I have to tell someone why I need meds... I know I can't be the only one ashamed of that.