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IrishLady
New Member


Date Joined Dec 2011
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 12/7/2011 6:41 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi Everyone,

I would like to talk with fellow sufferers of depression and to maybe get advice on my own predicament. I am 27 years old and I feel I have made a complete mess of my life, even thinking about it now makes me upset. In my personal life I have a great support network and an amazing boyfriend who I have been with for almost 9 years, who has supported me through my worst times. In my professional life I have ruined everything. I developed clinical depression at 18 and it was so crippling that I left school in the middle of 6th year which is a a huge regret of mine and I still resent myself for leaving at such a critical point. At 21 I left a course not because it was too hard- I actually found it relatively easy. I have no idea why I ran away but it seems to be a constant reaction inside me, I just get these huge urges to leave something. The past 3 years had been going well, I was in a job that I liked, the pay wasnt great but that didn't bother me. I got a year's extension there, something unheard of in that job but I was worried that I wouldnt get it so I applied for another course. I didn't really look into it and research it properly which I should have done and I soon realised I hated it. My boyfriend was putting immense pressure on me to stay on it and threatened to leave me. I don't blame him for doing that because I have put him through so much already. I was so worried that I stopped eating, losing weight and couldn't sleep. I went to the doctor and she said to take time out of the course. I took time out and I felt I couldn't go back so I have left something again. The only good thing is that my boyfriend understands how it was affecting me so he stopped the threats and told me to do what I need to do. I am now stuck at home again which I didn't want, I feel like I'm going crazy just doing nothing at home. I feel like my life is wasting away and I am very anxious and I don't feel like eating much at all. I regret bitterly not taking the extension. If I had of known I was going to leave the course I would have definitely stayed. I have absolutely no idea what I'm going to do and what is worse I was getting a payment to attend college and I could be cut off which is really making me panic. I keep thinking I should go back to the course but I know I will probably start to panic again and again. I put my name on a list to go to counselling so I hope that will help. Is it selfishness or laziness that makes me run away and leave things? I just don't know. I always feel like a complete failure. I'm glad I wrote this all down instead of these constants thoughts in my head every hour of the day.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42611
   Posted 12/7/2011 7:08 AM (GMT -6)   
Hello IrishLady,

You are not a failure, get that through your head. I think you are putting way too much guilt on yourself. I would check into the payments that you are getting, incase they want it back. Now that you have stopped. Just don't get into a situation where you owe a lot of money.

Isee you are in a dilema with this. But you are flollowing doctor's orders and that is what you need to do. Are you by any chance going to any counseling now? I would highly recommend it for you to get better and on the right track with your life.

One day at a time. That is what I say a lot. It slows us down so we can think. Take life as it comes. You can finish school later. You can pick up where you left off.

Since you aren't doing anything, are there any hobbies that you like? You could work on some smaller projects at home. That will give you a sense of accomplishment. Right now, it sounds like you should work on you. See where that takes you. I would get into counsleing. If you aren't already. Excuse my typing, I just got up. Getting coffee in me now, but I didn't ant this post to go unanswered. I will write more later, okay???

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

IrishLady
New Member


Date Joined Dec 2011
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 12/7/2011 7:32 AM (GMT -6)   
Thank you for the reply, it means an awful lot ot me. I don't want to keep bothering my family, friends and boyfriend all the time.

bayoub2
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 2861
   Posted 12/7/2011 7:55 AM (GMT -6)   
Welcome Irish

I too just got up also so this is short.You are still young and WAY too hard on yourself.It sounds like you are very anxious and probably depressed. I would reccomend come sounseling and medication, at least for a little while..

You are not bad or lazy, you are struggling..

Keep posting, we are here to listen and there are some great people here

Maggie
"We never realize how strong we are, until being strong is the only thing left"
Major Depressive Disorder, ptsd, fibromyalgia, chronic pain, l3/4, L4/5 gone, bursitis arthritis sciatica

cymbalta seroquel hydrocodone klonopin magnesium potassium

IrishLady
New Member


Date Joined Dec 2011
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 12/7/2011 9:51 AM (GMT -6)   
Thanks for the reply Maggie. I don't really want to go on medication, I was on medication for quite a few years and I would prefer to explore other options like counselling. I'm always told I'm far too hard on myself but it comes naturally to me I guess. I hope I can train myself to get out of that way of thinking and to train myself to not be afraid of making decisions without over thinking the long term and possible negative consequences.

bayoub2
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 2861
   Posted 12/7/2011 9:56 AM (GMT -6)   
Oh yes, there are many technique sto use besides meds!! I do deep breathing every am and stretching, a gratitutde journal and creative visualization (kind of meditation with peaceful imagery.

A counselor, hopefully help you learn some techniques, including positive self talk but until then, you can google some free sites that are pretty good

Remember we are here for you and always willing to listen and SOMETIMES, that is all we need

Have a nice day
Maggie
"We never realize how strong we are, until being strong is the only thing left"
Major Depressive Disorder, ptsd, fibromyalgia, chronic pain, l3/4, L4/5 gone, bursitis arthritis sciatica

cymbalta seroquel hydrocodone klonopin magnesium potassium

IrishLady
New Member


Date Joined Dec 2011
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 12/7/2011 10:13 AM (GMT -6)   
That's great advice. thank you.
Anna.
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