Its getting worse

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ldyblu
New Member


Date Joined Sep 2011
Total Posts : 19
   Posted 12/7/2011 11:08 PM (GMT -6)   
Oh......where do I start?  Have posted here before and have gotten nice support.  Thanks.  And here I am again.  Quick refresh, we moved from a city in one state to a very rural area in another. I am away from home for the first time in my whole life (57 years). We also moved my mother-in-law with us so I take care of her during the day.  My husband works a lot so isn't home much and when he is home he is so tired he doesn't want to do much.  M-I-L is not an invalid but she isn't well either.  She has balance issues, is terribly thin and has bladder issues. We have been to the doctor so many times trying to get her medication adjusted so she isn't so drugged but now she isn't sleeping and it is just a vicious circle.  I am at my wits end trying to deal with all of her issues.  It just seems like one thing after another.  I know that she isn't happy here and would rather be back with her daughter but she was alone during the day and kept falling and getting compression fractures in her back and also broke her foot.  She misses her friends but they didn't call her back home and they don't call her now.  She panics if her daughter doesn't call every Sunday. And now Christmas is coming.  Every time I get in the car to go somewhere I don't want to come back.  Our house back home finally sold so money will be a little easier.  My husband has to go to Georgia for some training and is insisting that m-i-l and I go too.  She is freaked out about the trip bacause of her bladder issues and how tired she gets when we have a busy day going into town and such.  She doesn't want to go and neither do I.  We would spend 2 days in the car then 3 days in a hotel room waiting for him to finish with his class.  We would then so some sight seeing and then 2 days back here.  I have told him and told him that we don't want to go but it falls in deaf ears.  Everything I do or say seems to upset him.  Our marriage is a sham and has been for years.  Why I'm still here I don't know.  Its all so tangled up together and I feel like I'm stuck in the middle of a great big spider web with a HUGE spider slowly creeping toward me to swallow me up. I just want to disappear. cry

sos007
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2011
Total Posts : 615
   Posted 12/8/2011 12:34 AM (GMT -6)   
Idyblu....Boy you do have your hands full. May I ask the reason for the move? How far are you from home? I wish I had some miracle answers for you, you have been put in a very bad position. I live in Canada and we have something known as Homecare, this is were a registered nurse comes in and help out with care. They do things like bathing or changing bandages among other things. Do you have anything like this were you live?

Also, welcome to the hw forum there are many helpful members in this forum. I hope someone else might have a few other suggestions.

Wish you the best, Amy
Chronic Pain(nerve), fibro, mild depression and a few others

theHTreturns...
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 20190
   Posted 12/8/2011 4:11 AM (GMT -6)   
sending healing compassionate prayers your way. jamie
EMOTIONALLY UNSTABLE PERSONALITY DISORDER,

RAPID CYCLING BI-POLAR DISORDER

REMEMBER TO LOVE YOU. BE YOU AND BE TRUE.

bayoub2
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 2861
   Posted 12/8/2011 4:39 AM (GMT -6)   
You definitely need some respite care...are there any senior centers around you? I live in a very poor area and rural and we have a senior center 20 minutes away where they have basically day care and activities and are used to dealing with medical issues. It is free. Try googling Council on Aging..I think they do alot of things including resources in your area.

I'm sorry your life is so tough and the trip sounds like a REALLY bad idea..are you being assertive enough saying no? I would tell him that you and mil are just not up to it and sorry won't be joining you. Do you have anywhere to go for counseling for you or meds? It sounds like you really need some help in many ways

We rare here for you and I hope that htings improve idy

Maggie
"We never realize how strong we are, until being strong is the only thing left"
Major Depressive Disorder, ptsd, fibromyalgia, chronic pain, l3/4, L4/5 gone, bursitis arthritis sciatica

cymbalta seroquel hydrocodone klonopin magnesium potassium

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42439
   Posted 12/8/2011 7:33 AM (GMT -6)   
I would look into some in home health care. People would come by daily to check on hre and spend time with her. That would give you a break. Your sil could even get it if she was staying there. Somebody to watch over her when she is gone. I feel like you are being forced into doing something you don't want to. That can really change and put strain on your life.

How is your mil health wise? Do you think she will be around for a lot of years? I am just asking this so I can see what all you are facing. It could feel like prison for you.

I think counseling is a good idea. I would be getting involved and see what happens.

Take care my friend.

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

beagleman
Regular Member


Date Joined Nov 2011
Total Posts : 226
   Posted 12/9/2011 11:22 PM (GMT -6)   
Hello idyblu, I agree with most of the others about home care for your motherinlaw. A community nurse could help and also advise you on your options. My opinion on you caring for your mother inlaw is this, I never ask someone to do a job unless I am willing to do it myself. What this translates to your husband not doing any of the caring of his mother. As he works he could not do this but he should not put the responsibilty onto you. I hope you can get some support or home care where you live as you are finding it very hard. Good luck.

ldyblu
New Member


Date Joined Sep 2011
Total Posts : 19
   Posted 12/11/2011 12:43 PM (GMT -6)   
Thank you for all your comments. The only thing my M-I-L needs is for someone to be around in case she looses her balance and falls. She could fix a simple meal if it was mircowave ready and can do other things but very slowly. She wants to help very badly but just cannot which frustrates her and me as she tries and ends up just being in the way. She also is having some issues that interfere with her sleep which makes her dizziness worse which makes other things worse and on and on. We have been going to the doctor and having several tests and everything comes up ok. No major issues. The doctor had prescribed some medication to help her sleep but it just makes her sleep all day too. The next trip is to a urologist and after that the eye doctor. My husband and I are begining to think some of her problems are mental. She is a worrier and a pleaser and is not comfortable with change of any kind. I keep telling my husband that maybe she needs to talk to a therapist, someone familiar with senior issues and he agrees but nothing gets done about it. I have asked him for counseling for us and the same thing happens, nothing. She is having more frequent bouts of dizziness as Christmas approaches. She can not hear well even with a hearing aid, she is totally deaf in one ear and has not much left in the other so going to church is not an option for her anymore. We watch Charles Stanley but she falls asleep half way through while trying to read the closed captioning. She feels guilty for doing so. She is frustrated, I am frustrated and so is my husband. It seems that nothing we do is making anything any better. It only adds to my feelings of not being good enough, right enough, etc etc. I have good days but there are those that I wish I could just crawl under a rock.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42439
   Posted 12/11/2011 1:47 PM (GMT -6)   
It sounds like you need help coping with this situation. And it sounds like she is going to be living with you until the end. Even though your husband doesn't want to go to counseling, doesn't mean you can't. So I would start going. They can help you cope with having your mil there 24/7. And it sounds like she needs 24/7 care. You can get in home help to come in and relieve you. You are going to need that. And through senior citizens, people will come in and spend time with her and play games or even read to her. I had them come in when I was taking care of my grandmother. I even had a bath lady come in and bathe her. I hired a lady to come and spend time with her two or three days a week too. It gave me time for my life.

It sounds like this is something that you are going to have to adjust to. And counseling will help you with that. You can make the best out of this. You will be blessed for taking care of her the best that you can. But that doesn't mean you have to do it all.

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies
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