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New Member

Date Joined Dec 2011
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 12/9/2011 3:50 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi mates,
I've been away from healing well for quite sometime now and I forgot my id so had to make a new one. Today I'm back caz I realised Im back in the pit which Ive been convincing myself didn't exsist.
For the background. I'm 21,female. I've been diagnosed with bipolar disorder,anxiety and also depression due to hypo-thyroidism. I'm under counselling past one year and also medication. My medication is divalporate 500 mg,franxit,Lopez,zapiz and thyromin 100 mg.
I don't remember much of myself before 2008 that's when I met Mr.A through a common friend. We hadn't met he lived in X city me in Y city but it was like love crazy love..... We would be talking every waking hour. When I was in college when he was at work not a single minute apart. I went to meet him in X city we spent a great time together. Everything was perfect till it started getting too much. The constant talking. No friends. We had our fights but I never thought we would break up it was like we were meant to be. 
Then in 2009 just the night before I was leaving for X city with my family to meet him his phone was busy all night. The next day he confessed he was in love with another girl and that it was over. 
That's it. I had to just return from Z city (his hometown where he had asked me to come with my family it being close to X city) to x city with him saying that he had fallen in love overnight. 
I was so ruined mentally, my mom says it's the time she thought she had lost her daughter forever. 
At that time my closest friend of years moody had moved permanently to X city  from Y city due to some career things. He literally came to my rescue. To this day my family thanks him for his support caz he is the only reason I didn't end up in a mental ward of some hospital. He pulled me out and just very abruptly we were together.
I still loved mr.A I would miss him but mr.S was my best friend I started falling for him. I came back and we started being together but something was different he was violent and possessive and scary but I just never knew of walking out on someone. We do fight and in the beginning I would reply him back but over time he just made me someone who couldn't dare speak a word in front of him. But I still adjusted did all I could do not do any mistakes I had done with mr.A but nothing made mr.S happy. One day as abruptly as he had come in my life he dumped me on my birthday 2011. I was hit again and this time it was just a break down but I dealt with it alone. Over the last months we have spoken to each other he says he loves me and I know I love him but he can't be with me. His reasons range from family to religion to trust. I don't know the real reason till today. 
In the mean time after we broke up I went through a mad phase of liking guys but just getting away the moment I felt it was time to get in a relation. I got physically intimate with friends. I kept looking for someone to take me out of it. But nothing worked.
I don't know today where I stand but this is my past and it's left bad bruises on me. I have mood swings, I've trust issues I need attention love care but I'm scared to ask for it caz I might lose alot in it. 
There's no guy in my life other than mr.S. He isn't my boyfriend but he doesn't like me talking to anyone. He says if I love him I should not talk to any guy even if I'm single. 
It's like one side rule in my life all my mails accounts are checked he has my passwords. I don't know anything about his life. He's looking for girl to get married to. Yes I love him he saved me from killing myself,got me back to start studying and has done alot more. 
Till sometime back I was going out having fun just not commiting to anyone (I still love mr.s and think it would be wrong to be with a guy when I love someone else) but now I'm feeling guilty that I have not told him about me going out with guys etc. he will kill me if he finds out. Even though he had dumped me he can't tolerate me with any guy.
I don't know what to do anymore. And it's driving me to do things which I can't write about here but I need to tell that I need help. 
Please help me. 
I've now decided not to date, get intimate with any guy till Im in touch with mr.s. but should I tell him what happened when we broke up ? Knowing he will just hate me for it?
*another thing killing me is.... A friend of mine introduced me to a guy we got along I had started liking him but I told him about loving someone and he understood. Than one day I found out he was married and has a kid. I was shocked felt sick. Somehow he convinced me that he was separating from his wife. One day at a party we kissed. I was drunk ! Next day I realised how horrible my act was ! I immediately told him it meant nothing and when he said he wanted to be with me I said I had already been sick but I couldn't be more by dating someone who was married.
I hate myself for it !

getting by
Forum Moderator

Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42610
   Posted 12/9/2011 8:51 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi there,

Welcome back...

First of all, you shouldn't have a relationship with a possessive man. They can become abusive. He is bening mentally ane emotionally abusive to you. You should have the freedom to see who you want to. You are not in a relationship with him at this time.

We all have had our shares of ups and downs with relationships. That is a part of growing up. You sound rather young, so I am taking it you are.

Do you go to any counseling? I think you need a counselor at this point. You are mixed up in how to feel about specific things. So do start seeing one. They will help you sort things out.

I am sorry that this married guy is hitting on you. Remember, he most likely wont leave his wife for you. And this is unhealthy. I wouldn't get any closer to him. If the wife finds out, you are doomed...

I hope that this helps some.
take care,

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia

fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

Regular Member

Date Joined Dec 2011
Total Posts : 108
   Posted 12/9/2011 10:51 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi there! I definitely think you should get some counseling, as Karen said. I, too, went through a period in my life when I trusted no one (I still have trust issues) and also went through a period when I tried to find the "right man" by dating several men at once. I became so exasperated that once I found a good man, I married him. We've been together for 5 years and married for 4. I love him, but not as a wife should love a husband. He's just my friend.
1) DO NOT be with a man that is possessive. At first it feels nice even. You're thinking "omg he cares so much." Truth be told, he's controlling you.
2) You do not NEED a man. Actually, right now you should worry about yourself and what you need to get out of this slump. You can't truly be there for anyone until you're whole again
3) Tell Mr.S he has no right. True, he helped you through a tough time. But he is taking advantage of the fact that you feel so grateful to him. I think its time to tell him what's what. He's looking for a wife but you can't have any boyfriends or guys to talk to? That is BS!!

Kelsey; 25 years old suffering from a slew: depression, anxiety, IBS, etc.

New Member

Date Joined Dec 2011
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 12/9/2011 11:47 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi Karen.... Hope you are doing well ! I shall work on what you told me. about the married guy I'm nowhere even slightly involved with him. I refused to be with him on coming to know about his marriage and I really do not wish he gets separated from his wife as he has a little girl. I feel guilty that in the party we got intimate I mean I feel so shallow about it. And to be honest he isn't even mildly important to me. I liked him but I love mr.s way too much to feel hurt by any other man. Do you think my kissing a married guy is forgivable for myself? It's making me feel horrible.

Hi Kelis, thank you so much for your response. I find it very hard to cut off from mr.s it's not only caz I'm grateful to him its caz I love him so much. I don't have the courage to fight him.
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