Life is too much to deal with

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elfenprincess
Regular Member


Date Joined Nov 2011
Total Posts : 96
   Posted 12/13/2011 3:09 AM (GMT -6)   
This is just how I feel right now :(

I keep trying to make small improvements, and it always seems to go back to me feeling the same way...so depressed, hating and doubting myself and wondering how things will ever get easier. It's such a struggle just to get myself out of bed in the morning and I just don't feel right walking around in my own body. I feel awkward and uncomfortable most of the time... I don't know quite how to explain it, but something's way off even beyond the fact that I'm out of shape. I go in between feeling so happy and free sometimes to the most miserable, pathetic state I could ever imagine for someone...I don't get out of bed until the late afternoon (can't sleep until 5 or 6am) then am barely able to roll out of bed or change into new clothes for the day (alot of times I don't do this at all). I feel disgusted looking in the mirror while brushing my teeth...and by that time the day is almost over anyway!! :/ It's ridiculous.
I've been trying to hang out with people some and ended up meeting someone who I really care about. He has alot of the same problems I do and says he cares about me alot too. I just now worry about it alot, what it could become... I know I'm not ready for another relationship, but I get attached to people easily. When I'm around people sometimes I have alot of fun but afterward I usually end up worrying about things. Sometimes I can hear myself talking in social situations and it doesn't sound like me at all. It's not like I'm trying to change to impress people or fit in, but I naturally take on various different voices or personalities, and it's really creepy and upsetting to me, even as I'm doing it, but I can't stop :( and then thinking about it later is weird. I don't even know who I am....I don't know what others expect of me but I feel I can never measure up and I'm just going to lose everyone. It's been a long time since I've had a friend who has been accepting and there for me.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42612
   Posted 12/13/2011 9:23 AM (GMT -6)   
Don't be projecting the worst. You said " I feel like I can never measure up and I am just going to lose everyone". That is such a strong statement. Wo are you trying to measure up to? Yourself? Maybe...Somebody else??? I am going to lose everyone. That just isn't true. You will not lose everyone. Or anyone probably... Try to think positive. Can you turn this around to a positive? I am going to be the best person I can and I cherrish my friends. Maybe that will help.

This time of year really puts stress on us and we judge ourselves way too harshly. Try to lighten up on yourself. Don't imagine the worst. Try to look at the positives. You can do this. Try hard, especially now. Take it one day at a time...

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

greenbean885
Regular Member


Date Joined Nov 2011
Total Posts : 310
   Posted 12/13/2011 10:31 AM (GMT -6)   
Have you continued with therapy? I tried for three months without medications and it just got to a point where my obsessive thoughts were hindering my progression. It may be time to take bigger steps, or just one huge one all at the same time. For me, it was opening up to my family about what was going on. They were much more supportive than I imagined. They made me an appt and my mom even offered to drive the 4 hours up here to go with me. It was scary going alone and I did cry, I was vulnerable. But it's over now and I made it through that hard appt.

Be wary about this new person you are caring for... it is easy to fall back into comfort, have someone who understands us. I remember you said you wanted independence and needed to work on it because you became dependent on others. Never date someone with more issues than you! I have also learned that as comforting as it is that someone has similar issues or problems, it doesn't mean they want to work through them and have them "get better" like we do. Just be very very careful. It is good to have friends, but right now your thinking is distorted and you are upset, acting on emotions rather than clear thoughts.

I think you have found people on the forum who are accepting of you and there for you. Maybe it is hard for you to consider that since you do not see us physically.

stillme
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2011
Total Posts : 556
   Posted 12/13/2011 10:52 AM (GMT -6)   
Here for you. Hoping you feel better soon.

theHTreturns...
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 20279
   Posted 12/13/2011 6:49 PM (GMT -6)   
DITTO TO THE ABOVE. JAMIE
EMOTIONALLY UNSTABLE PERSONALITY DISORDER,

RAPID CYCLING BI-POLAR DISORDER

REMEMBER TO LOVE YOU. BE YOU AND BE TRUE.

elfenprincess
Regular Member


Date Joined Nov 2011
Total Posts : 96
   Posted 12/13/2011 9:08 PM (GMT -6)   
Thanks you guys <3
I really appreciate having this forum and everyone on here...a place to vent and be accepted. Depression has made me feel very unaccepting toward myself, even when I accept everyone else around me...I'm just so used to being treated badly. What I really need is to continue working on independence and feeling better, and with that I think friendships will be alot less worrisome and stressful. It's a constant battle to keep myself from falling back into dependent relationships because I feel so helpless...

elfenprincess
Regular Member


Date Joined Nov 2011
Total Posts : 96
   Posted 12/14/2011 12:42 AM (GMT -6)   
"try to be the best person I can and cherish my friends" made me think. If I'm doing my best and being as nice as I can to those around me, I really shouldn't be so hard on myself and worry. It's sad when people can give and give to others but not have sympathy for themselves :/

sos007
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2011
Total Posts : 615
   Posted 12/14/2011 1:04 AM (GMT -6)   
Elf...I am glad you took Karen's post to heart...it is so true. I think you can do it. I wish you all the best.


Take care, Amy
Chronic Pain(nerve), fibro, mild depression and a few others

awty
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2010
Total Posts : 790
   Posted 12/14/2011 8:29 AM (GMT -6)   
I agree Elfy, it is hugely refreshing to see you have taken note of what others have said and are prepared to do some work to change your thought patterns.

I don't know what your childhood was like, but attachment issues are very common, and given time, you will learn to manage these. To be honest, every single person I know adapts to which ever environment they are in, we all do it, the person I am at work, is not the same as the one at home, I am differnt with my friends than I am with the kids that I work with, we all adapt.

Sometimes, we feel we are different to others, but to be honest, we are more similar than different, just everyone, and I mean everyone puts on a mask at times.

So, take the pressure of yourself that you have put on, relax a little, and you will find things much easier.

Take care Elfy

elfenprincess
Regular Member


Date Joined Nov 2011
Total Posts : 96
   Posted 12/14/2011 7:23 PM (GMT -6)   
Thank you, it's a struggle but at least we're all still fighting, otherwise we wouldn't be here :)

<3

theHTreturns...
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 20279
   Posted 12/14/2011 9:13 PM (GMT -6)   
exactly. jamie. keep fighting.
EMOTIONALLY UNSTABLE PERSONALITY DISORDER,

RAPID CYCLING BI-POLAR DISORDER

REMEMBER TO LOVE YOU. BE YOU AND BE TRUE.
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