I may have posted about
this before, but I felt like I needed to vent. I am really down and depressed and worried about
my dad and I need some advice or support. My post is really long but I appreciate any input.
I'm worried about
my Dad(67 years od), and I'm worried about
my welfare too should anything happen.
My dad and I had a little exchange of words earlier, about
how he is spending his money on something that essentially a psychological crutch. Afterwards he sat outside in the car for a really long time and the first thing that I thought of was, “Oh my god, he has his guns still.” Noting happened, but that is how unstable he's been lately, that I actually thought of that after I pissed him off. The point is that he is completely out of touch with reality and has no concept of what is right, what is wrong, and what is in his best interests—as well as mine.
He doesn't eat, and is being treated for it with an appetite medication, which he doesn't take. He also hasn't bathed in a while. His driving is likely illegal as he doesn't wear prescript
ion lens. His hearing causes arguments and misunderstandings, and yet he does nothing about
it. So every time he goes out in the car without me, I always get anxious that I'm gonna hear about
him being in a wreck and hurting himself or someone else.
Then he has what is almost certainly skin cancer again on his head, and yet he won't see a doctor for it. I mean seriously, if there are nodes there—with his history of cancer—it's definitely cancerous. Small cell carcinoma can 'turn' into melanoma next time.
Then, obviously, the money. He obviously has no grasp on reality and financial matters. I wish I could manage the money and appointments for him, but without some sort of power of attorney to take care of him—I can't do those things.
I feel like I have no choice. Next year is not going to be any better. Even if our bank do drop our mortgage to its normal payment (we're paying double payments because he skipped several months without telling me and they went into foreclosure), that means nothing unless I can start to pay on the actual capital—-not just the interest. Otherwise, we'll still lose the house. Even if this year's taxes are paid, what about
2012's income tax? How will he pay for that?
He has a slew of health problems. His emphysema and heart issues are likely going to kill him, if skin cancer doesn't. If I had some sort of guardianship ability, I would have the legal right to sit in with him and have more control over his medical records and treatments—just like I do for myself, basically. He's not eating right, he's not sleeping right, he's getting mean and deeply depressed, he can't see, he can't hear, he has trouble breathing, he almost faints from blood pressure, and he has skin cancer that he is refusing to treat due to the myriad of mental illnesses he has.
If I had some sort of guardianship of him, I could get him to see a REAL doctor for his mental illnesses. I doubt he will get much better, but the right medication can make all enough difference to keep him from doing...dangerous things, and only a real psychiatrist who evaluates him can make a good judgment on that. I can't do it so he needs to see a psychiatrist, which he will never do by himself.
He goes from happy, to sad, to mean & selfish. And it's getting more extreme, especially with the depression. He sits alone in our second living room, surrounded with pictures of my mother who died in 2007. I mean surrounded. He has at least 40 pictures on the walls around him, on his stands, and desk, and he has a small stack of loose photos that he looks at...and talks to. At first, it was just a sad thing he did and I felt sorry for him...now I am honestly sort of scared. He talks to the pictures now even when other people are here, and he sobs to them. He stares at them in his hands and falls asleep with them spread out across his lap and a cigarette in his mouth. He pets the pictures sometimes, or kisses them. It's beyond just a sad thing, it is a really reaaally creepy—very ill thing. He need seriously help and he won't get it himself because he's so ill!!!
He's just really, really sick, and while nothing is going to 'fix' him—I think if I did something more than just talking to him, that maybe he would have a shot at least of improving the quality of his life and maybe even ruling out....any actions against himself that he might take in his depressive moods.
I don't know, do you think I sound crazy? I just feel like there is no point in trying to reason with him anymore. He's out of touch with reality and needs someone to actively be taking care of him. He needs someone to say, 'I made a skin cancer appointment Tuesday, and so we can all go.' Drive him there, sit in with him there, take notes and understand the type of problems he has and how we can alter that.
And if he got his money in order, I could manage things around the house better too. He could still do stuff like vacuum, and write to people, and do dishes, and fold clothes.. And then if he had money in order, if I needed to, I could just HIRE someone to chop wood or buy wood for us, hard stuff like that. He has no reason to be doing that, at all.
I just feel like I have a short period of time in order to make decisions like this and explore our options, and to talk with him about
it maybe. I mean, putting off stuff for another day might mean that the next day doesn't come so that's why I felt like I needed to get this off my chest.
If anyone has any idea of what I should do, I'd really appreciate it. Any links or articles about
it would be helpful, anything about
taking guardianship over an ill parent who can't take care of themselves. Also, I'd like to hear what anyone things about
my situation—and what you'd do in it. Do you think I am being radical, or does it sound like he is truly so ill that he needs someone to take care of him from your perspective? I also have an older sister who lives away from us, but she is
open to the idea...we just have no idea of if it is plausible and how.
Thanks for any help.
Post Edited (misterkatamari) : 12/14/2011 12:58:46 AM (GMT-7)