Hi, I'm new on here. Just felt the need to reach out, and I know you all must understand that. It starts for me at Thanksgiving, the time when family should be together and give thanks for one another. I lost my mom to breast cancer, dad to lung cancer, step mom to leukemia...and I miss them all. Worse still, Son #1 has a wife who does not want to be a part of our family, so I do not see him, son#2 is a drug addict, alcoholic etc., and I have chosen not to have him in my life until he changes. Son#2 gave me one grandson whom I adore. I have reconciled with his ex so I can have my grandson back in my life again. That in itself was no easy feat and took me about two years to handle it properly. Son#2 gave me a granddaughter, two years ago. He and the baby's mother moved to Florida so she could go to grad school. The mom, as smart as she is, is also an alcoholic and a very mean drunk. There have been many brawls between the two which finally resulted in son#2 coming back to our state, and her moving in with someone else. Since then, she has been arrested for assault with a deadly weapon, and my granddaughter taken by CPS in Florida.
So when people this time of year ask how the family is, I am just put right on the spot. If I can deflect their questions enough so they stop asking, then I usually get stuck hearing all about their wonderful family and grandchildren, which leaves me feeling miserable. So considering all the above, for the past week I have been immensely depressed as I am every December. I want what every mother and grandmother wants, but I will never have. How do I get out of feeling like this. I cannot do anything about the way things are, I can't change them....but I can't live like this either. It HURTZ!!!