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WE NEVER LEARNED HOW TO BE FRUSTRATED

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Posted 4/8/2005 7:52 PM (GMT -8)
Just a thought . . .

I am not sure of the ages of most members here. . . but for those of us who were raised in a two income family and had lots of 'stuff' growing up . . . and we didn't have to earn money to pay for that 'stuff'. . . we never learned how to plan, save, WAIT, to have 'stuff' (or equally important . . learn how to be frustrated and do without). Well, that spills over into adulthood, when there is no one around to make things better. . . and then we're left to learn how to enjoy the wait, plan ahead, save, and THEN have the 'stuff' IF we can ever save enough to buy the 'stuff'.

I think this causes a lot of trouble for young adults, including maxing out credit cards and then suffering the overwhelming task of trying to manage the debt . . . which spills over into ruining relationships, etc. etc. etc.

No need to respond. . . just thinking out loud.
Posted 4/8/2005 8:53 PM (GMT -8)
Got a good point.


Curley.........
a.k.a.Mela...........
Posted 4/8/2005 9:48 PM (GMT -8)
Very true. My husband was opposite though. He grew up with 4 other brothers and sisters in a one bedroom apartment. When he finally got his first credit card, he wanted to get the stuff that he never could have and got into a lot of financial trouble. It took 10 years pulling himself out of the hole. It seems that he never had the discipline to save because saving money was not an option for his family. Their money went right from their paycheck to the bills with none to spare. I guess it works both ways.
Posted 4/8/2005 10:41 PM (GMT -8)
Hmmm....I seem to have the opposite problem.  My friends all tell me I'm "cheap".  My parents both made good money when I was growing up and I always had everything I needed and usually everything I wanted too.  But for some reason, I can even remember worrying about money when I was a little kid, like when I was about 6 years old, worrying how I was going to pay for college.  Well, I ended up getting scholarships that payed for my college and I saved every penny that I've ever made since my first job in high school and have a nice safety net in the bank and I'm still constantly worrying about money.  I'm always scared to death that there will be some huge disaster and I'll need all of it.  I never buy anything for myself, I avoid going out with my friends because I don't want to even pay for a movie, and all of my socks have holes in them.  I guess nobody's perfect.

Posted 4/9/2005 6:39 AM (GMT -8)
nono  Not in my house. Baby boomer here. Italian Catholic family so dad worked 2 jobs and Mom stayed home. First, my brother was born with a disease that killed him a week before his 18th b'day. Mom was his soul caregiver. My parents chose NOT to put him in a home or a rehab. It broke their hearts just to visit one. I got hand-me-down clothes from my older sisters and if we got 2 gifts under the tree at Christmas, that was saying something. I started working at age 15 and paid my mom 40$ a month that she put away for a rainy day. I also had to care for my baby sister who my mom had at age 41. I was mortified! Nothing came easy to us. There were 5 of us and we all worked and did chores at home.

 

Rosie, when I got married I swore that my kids would have the best of everything. My daughters had just that. I hand made their clothes including mine and my X husbands shirts. Then when we split, my daughters got the very best clothes and tennis shoes. ($30 tennis shoes was a lot 20 yrs ago). My current husband, their step-father supported them as well as myself. $60 a week for child support wasn't cutting it. We gave them freedom so they wouldn't have to lie to us, we gave them space so they didn't feel like a prisoner in their own home and we bought a new home so they could have their own rooms. We designed it ourselves. When they turned 18, they each got a car. They wrecked the cars and got their step-fathers insurance cancelled and then we realized that was that. They had to buy their own cars and had to work, full time in the summer and part-time after school and on weekends during the school year.  I realized that if they didn't earn things on their own, they would flip-flop through life thinking that we owed them something. I learned and so did they. They are noth mothers and wives and VERY responsible. Thank God it wasn't too late.

The moral to this story is NOT to hand things to your kids on a silver platter and let them know they have to assume responsibility for their own actions or needs and wants. In the end, they will come to appreciate it much more. In turn, I hope they hand down the same lessons to their children.

"Lefty" tongue

Posted 4/9/2005 7:34 AM (GMT -8)
Lefty . . . your last paragraph is key!!! Right on!

My topic starter was actually about the geration growing up with my kids. I was raised in a family with 9 children and every penny had to speak twice! Mom made much of our clothes and then I learned to sew and made my own. My children were given responsibilities and had to earn money to buy a bicycle or a car and insurance etc. If they abused an item, they had to earn enough to pay for it (we would give them modest paying jobs around the house). We just thought it was good way for them to learn the value of money.

But when I see what many people that age have to go through because their parents handed everything to them . . . it makes me want to cry. I just thought that the whole thing carries through to adults acting like children because they don't know how to handle frustration. I just thought it could be helpful to those in that category knew where some of their inability to cope might be stemming from.
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