I am so sorry for this situation. My brother is an alcoholic, some what violent, and takes advantage of women by sleeping with everyone and then leaving them with a baby. He has at least 10 kids out of wedlock, none of which have a real father--because all he does is drink, go in and out of jail, and lie to them. He never hurt me physically, but my heart goes out to his children every day. I personally cannot forgive him in this part of my life right now, not for all the pain he has caused his children.
In your case, it sounds like you feel that your father isn't truly a bad person--but is consumed by his addiction. I'm not sure how old you are, Aaron, but if you're a minor you should ask for help from a school worker or a friend. If you feel unsafe, that is what you need to do--because your dad needs help and he isn't going to get it if things stay the way that they are. Its ok to feel the way you do, and I am glad you posted. Please keep us updated.
--Patrick, aka Misterkatamari
I'm active on several boards. Main issues are: Chronic Pain due to Scoliosis & 2 Herniated Discs, possible DDD and arthritic facet joints. Also active in the Depression/Anxiety boards. Meds include: Prozac 40mg, Xanax .5 mg, Tramadol 50mg
“We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us.” - Joseph Campbell