my dad the drunk

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aaron123
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Date Joined Jul 2011
Total Posts : 6
   Posted 12/18/2011 9:12 PM (GMT -6)   
y dad is a heavy drinker, today he drank a couple of beers and one medium bottle (whole) of 35cl 37 percent gin. He lashed out at my sister vocally, and said mean things and made her leave the house at 1am. He is a hard working and good man, however he is intoxicated by the addiction of alcohol, I am feeling so angry at him, my sister was really hurt by the things he said, he calledher really crude things.

getting by
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Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42281
   Posted 12/18/2011 9:42 PM (GMT -6)   
I am sorry that your father has problems with alcohol. I imagine it makes your life really difficult when he drinks. Have you talked to anybody in your family about this? Do you have a mother there? I am sorry that he caused your sister to leave. How old is she? How old are you? How often does he drink? Does he get plastered everytime he drinks? Or just mean or what? As you can see I have a lot of questions, but I need to know more to understand the whole situation.

Talk to us about it.

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

esoR
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2007
Total Posts : 4147
   Posted 12/18/2011 10:51 PM (GMT -6)   
My whole formative years were wrecked by a dad's alcoholism. When I was 17 he tried to kill my mom. That even woke him up and he went to AA and never drank again. We did stay together as a family but they were not ever together again as a couple if you know what I mean. Sober he was the best person I ever knew. BUT by then my formative years were done and the damage was done to me emotionally. Made me vulnerable to other things as an adult and almost lost my life due to that vulnerability. Try to get yourself as much support outside the family as you can. When you are old enough and self sufficient move far away. There is really nothing there. I kept going back to recapture what never could be recaptured. Such a common problem that wrecks so many lives. God be with you. Rosemary

sos007
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Date Joined Nov 2011
Total Posts : 615
   Posted 12/18/2011 11:00 PM (GMT -6)   
Aaron...I am so sorry for the problems that are going on in your house. Alcholism is a terrible disease...is there any chance you could convince him to goto AA? (when he is sober) I would like to get some answers to Karen's questions and then we may be able to offer other advice. Hope to see a post soon...Take care


Bless you, Amy
Chronic Pain(nerve), fibro, mild depression and a few others

misterkatamari
Regular Member


Date Joined Jan 2011
Total Posts : 374
   Posted 12/18/2011 11:33 PM (GMT -6)   
I am so sorry for this situation. My brother is an alcoholic, some what violent, and takes advantage of women by sleeping with everyone and then leaving them with a baby. He has at least 10 kids out of wedlock, none of which have a real father--because all he does is drink, go in and out of jail, and lie to them. He never hurt me physically, but my heart goes out to his children every day. I personally cannot forgive him in this part of my life right now, not for all the pain he has caused his children.

In your case, it sounds like you feel that your father isn't truly a bad person--but is consumed by his addiction. I'm not sure how old you are, Aaron, but if you're a minor you should ask for help from a school worker or a friend. If you feel unsafe, that is what you need to do--because your dad needs help and he isn't going to get it if things stay the way that they are. Its ok to feel the way you do, and I am glad you posted. Please keep us updated.
--Patrick, aka Misterkatamari

I'm active on several boards. Main issues are: Chronic Pain due to Scoliosis & 2 Herniated Discs, possible DDD and arthritic facet joints. Also active in the Depression/Anxiety boards. Meds include: Prozac 40mg, Xanax .5 mg, Tramadol 50mg

“We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us.” - Joseph Campbell

Alaskah
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2011
Total Posts : 285
   Posted 12/18/2011 11:38 PM (GMT -6)   
My dad drinks a lot too - in fact, he always has a beer in hand while driving around, and especially coming home from work. It's tough to see people you care about do that to themselves and take the risk of harming their selves or other people. And it's harder when they do harm other people, physically or emotionally.

The best thing you and your sister can do is avoid him as much as you can when he drinks. Don't expose yourself to the situation. Even if it means closing yourself in your room or going to a friend's house. If the problems are physical and either of you are under 18, I agree with the above posts to talk to someone outside of the family about it and try to get help.

Sometimes just talking about it helps ease some of the fear and frustration, so please don't hesitate to keep posting here. A lot of these feelings can't be put into actual words to your father or sister, or anyone else, but here you are safe and anonymous and we are all willing to listen and help.

"Life's journey is like driving at night in the fog.
You can only see as far as your headlights,
but you can make the whole trip that way."


Chronic Lyme, Depression, Anxiety, 12+ Years

Jim1969
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Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 2042
   Posted 12/19/2011 1:25 AM (GMT -6)   
There are a lot of support groups for people who have to deal with alcoholics. I really suggest you locate one in your area and get involved. Many times these groups are listed in the phone book or you can contact your local department of health, mental health, or the social services department of your local hospital and they can put you in touch with the support groups operating in your area.
2 confirmed herniated lumbar discs. Spinal Arthritis. Spinal Stenosis, diabetic peripheral nueropathy.
Moderator Depression Forum.

bayoub2
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 2861
   Posted 12/19/2011 4:28 AM (GMT -6)   
Yes Jim, I was goinng to suggest al-anon, a terrific program for family members of drunks. My father too was a raging alcoholic, extreme verbal abuse and sent us crying many times with his words. it truly affected my self-esteeem and I self-medicated for a long time myself.

You need tolimit exposure to him if possible, get a job, stay after school activities and protect your sister when possible. When you hit 18, get the hell out. You can make your peace after you get some distance from him. Please post again and let us know, ok? We care and a lot of us lived in similar circumstances. You live in fear every night for when the explosion is coming

Maggie
"We never realize how strong we are, until being strong is the only thing left"
Major Depressive Disorder, ptsd, fibromyalgia, chronic pain, l3/4, L4/5 gone, bursitis arthritis sciatica

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