Meh, just a bummy day.

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misterkatamari
Regular Member


Date Joined Jan 2011
Total Posts : 374
   Posted 12/19/2011 1:17 AM (GMT -6)   
Hey everyone, hope this finds you all well!

I've just been feeling bummed today. I hurt really bad physically, my knee doesn't usually bother me, but it hurts bad today in addition to my usual pain stuff. Then two of my computers died. My PC and my laptop. All I have is a crappy mini, so I haven't been online often lately due to that.

My sister has been visiting, and she's great and been helping with cleaning up the house and having fun with us. But, then she mentioned to me about how my boyfriend is, well, mean to me. How he lashes out at me and has anger issues, and how she wishes I would do what was right for me. She said that he is just selfish, and while she likes him to an extent, that she feels that he isn't really someone I should be with. I pretty much agree. But I still love him, and I still feel like that if I dont let him continue staying here--that things will get worse. He'll never get the mental health care he needs, and he will have to quit his jobs and move back home. I'll have no one else to rely upon here at home aside from my dad, and I am disabled right now physically and I NEED someone to aide me with stuff like that.

I just don't know what to do. If I kick him out, there wil be so much to sort through and so many negatives. If I let him stay I 'only' have to deal with outbursts and how he treats me every day. I sorta don't know which is worth, but I am crapped on every day or healing about how he wants to crap on someone else. Ugh.

Jim1969
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 2042
   Posted 12/19/2011 2:15 AM (GMT -6)   
First and foremost you have to do what is right and best for you.

I can understand how difficult it can be to figure out what is really the best thing to do. Sometimes what can help is to step back and look at things as if they were happening to someone else. What would you advise that person to do. For example, what would you tell your sister to do if her significant other treated her like your boyfriend treats you.

It may very well be due to stress that you are experiencing an increase in pain. While there are likely physiological reasons for the pain the stress may be like rubbing salt in an open would.

Another thing to think about and keep in mind is that negatives are not created equal. You have small ones, medium ones, big ones, and huge ones. While kicking your BF out will bring with it certain negatives you should weigh those against all the ones you currently have. 20 small or medium ones, which would be short term, may be a lot less than a few large ones, especially if they are ongoing.
2 confirmed herniated lumbar discs. Spinal Arthritis. Spinal Stenosis, diabetic peripheral nueropathy.
Moderator Depression Forum.

bayoub2
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 2861
   Posted 12/19/2011 5:36 AM (GMT -6)   
Change is always scary...status quo even if miserable is a known...is he a financial contributir? That could really screw things up as I know $ is tight. Does he help alot w/ Dad and house? Can Dad get any min home care? Lots of questions and no easy answers...sorry

I'm glad you got to hang with your sister and as an outsider, she does have a clearer view of household dynamics...just something to think about, explore the options

Keep posting aand let us know
Maggie
"We never realize how strong we are, until being strong is the only thing left"
Major Depressive Disorder, ptsd, fibromyalgia, chronic pain, l3/4, L4/5 gone, bursitis arthritis sciatica

cymbalta seroquel hydrocodone klonopin magnesium potassium

misterkatamari
Regular Member


Date Joined Jan 2011
Total Posts : 374
   Posted 12/19/2011 7:01 AM (GMT -6)   
Thanks to both of you, you're both right!

Honestly, no, my boyfriend doesn't really contribute in any real financial way. If he was gone, we'd probably actually have more money due to the fact that we wouldn't have to buy food or use the car as much. He works a lot, but mainly just saves his own money for his own stuff.

My main negative is that I'd have to rely on my dad to drive me around and stuff, and he's very unreliable and has mental illnesses of his own. Other than that, the negatives are mainly just for my boyfriend. As in, I think it would be worse on him than me. I really care about him, but I am getting tired mentally/emotionally of having to deal with the way he treats me. It's not fair to me to have to put up with it everyday. He's gotten better, but its still hard for me...I just never treat people in a mean way, really. That might sound like I'm tooting my own horn, but in some ways its a bad thing. I tend to be so forgiving that situations like this arise where I am letting someone basically take advantage of me. But yeah, I need to think about what I can do. :P
--Patrick, aka Misterkatamari

I'm active on several boards. Main issues are: Chronic Pain due to Scoliosis & 2 Herniated Discs, possible DDD and arthritic facet joints. Also active in the Depression/Anxiety boards. Meds include: Prozac 40mg, Xanax .5 mg, Tramadol 50mg

“We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us.” - Joseph Campbell

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42609
   Posted 12/19/2011 8:20 AM (GMT -6)   
It sounds like he is taking advantage of you right now. Not contibuting financially is not only selfish but very unfair to you. If you would be better off financially with him gone and free from his verbal abuse I think you would be better off. You are in no way responsible for his happiness. Just your own.

Reread your post and put somebody else in your spot and see how you would react. Take your own advice. I think you would be better off without this guy. Jmho...

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

Jim1969
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 2042
   Posted 12/19/2011 10:43 AM (GMT -6)   
From what you said your BF may be "doing better" than he was but he still is far from pulling his own weight financially, morally and emotionally.

I have a hunch when/if you tell him it is over and to go find some where else to live it may not be as big of a shock to him as you think it will be. There is a good chance he is expecting this to happen sooner or later since he has been stockpiling his money and his internal reaction may very well be "wonder what took so long".

While users may put on a big show when their "victims" finally have enough and are put on the curb most of the time it is just that a show designed to at best maintain the current status quo for a while longer and at worst put in one last parting shot to try to hurt their victim one last time.

Even if half of what you say is totally accurate your BF does not really care about you. All he cares about is what he can get out of you.

I don't know where you live, but most towns have some kind of taxi service and the money you would save from not supporting him would probably pay for most if not all taxi fares, bus fares, etc, especially if you arrange your appointments and errands on the same day or same couple of days each month.
2 confirmed herniated lumbar discs. Spinal Arthritis. Spinal Stenosis, diabetic peripheral nueropathy.
Moderator Depression Forum.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42609
   Posted 12/19/2011 12:19 PM (GMT -6)   
Very good point Jim. I totally agree about the financial situation. She would be farther ahead not supporting him. And the money she would save would probably be a lot. Even having to find her own transportation.

Very good post, if I might add. Thank you...

Hope that you are having a great day!!!

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies
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