one of those days...

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dakota14
New Member


Date Joined Dec 2011
Total Posts : 7
   Posted 12/22/2011 3:23 PM (GMT -6)   
Usually I am alright and have accepted the way things have turned out in my life but today's just been one of those days where I couldn't help but dwell. My dad isn't apart of my life, I haven't seen him in almost 10 years..I'm 23 now..and it is just so hard for me to accept the fact that he didn't want me. I even found papers from the divorce when I was younger saying how he felt stabbed in the back with a knife when my mom told him she was pregnant with me. So I knew way too much information at a very young age... I feel myself carrying these issues into my personal relationships, putting up walls and finding it so hard to really open up because I am so scared of being hurt. I know this isn't right to think, but I can't help wonder why anyone else would want to stick around when my own dad didn't even bother? I feel like half of me is missing..just so incomplete. I really don't know if I'm capable of even loving someone in that way. I seem to always push them away even though that's the opposite of what I want. So many other things have happened in my life that I could have really used a supportive father for, and it just makes me so sad. I feel like the problem really is me, because everyone eventually leaves. Ok I'm done venting. I'm really not that sad all the time either, like I said, one of those days.

getting by
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Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42301
   Posted 12/22/2011 3:50 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Dakota,

Please don't feel like you are going to be let down in every relationship. Take it one day at a time. Try to learn to let yourself be vulnerable. open up. Not all people are like your dad. I didn't know mine either. And for a long time felt like a part of me was missing. But you develope into who you are thoughout the years. You become your own individual regardless. So try to just be you, and take life as it comes.

You don't know the circumstances around your birth and early years. There could be many reasons that your dad said what he did. And I don't think it was meant to hurt you. It was just the situation at that time. And maybe in the future you will want to contact your dad, and who knows, you might develope a good relationship. You never know what the future holds.

I hope that this helps you some. Try not to let it get you down. You are you. An indivdual human being. You will develope into a wonderful person. We learn from our mistakes, and hard times builds character within us. So even the bad things turn out good. We grow from life.

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

dakota14
New Member


Date Joined Dec 2011
Total Posts : 7
   Posted 12/22/2011 4:08 PM (GMT -6)   
That was so nice and actually really did make me feel a little better. I know that in time hopefuly I can learn how to better live with it all, but it just gets tough sometimes. And you're right who knows what could happen in the future, athough I can't see myself being forgiving. Thanks for the support though!

RedQueenNerd
New Member


Date Joined Dec 2011
Total Posts : 17
   Posted 12/24/2011 4:57 PM (GMT -6)   
getting by is right don't be scared to open up, even if you get hurt a little, it will make you a stronger person. at the moment your just putting up a hollow wall your convincing yourself your strong but your not if you open yourself up to different possibilities thing will happen some good some bad and you might even find a guy that sticks with you through everything. even if you find so bozo's along the way it will the experience of how to deal with it and make your coping mechanism much stronger. x

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42301
   Posted 12/24/2011 5:42 PM (GMT -6)   
I think RedQueen has a very good point. It is all a learning process. Don't beat yourself up about it. Take care of you.

Happy Holidays,

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

Jim1969
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 2042
   Posted 12/24/2011 6:24 PM (GMT -6)   
You can make a choice. You can choose to let how your Father has been drag you down or you can choose to use it as an example of how not to be with people you care about and with your children if you have them in the future.

I know what I am talking about here. My relationship with my own father sucked growing up. The big difference between you and I though is that he was around until I was 12, but only physically and he was a much better "Dad" to all the kids in the neighborhood than to me or my brother. In many ways it would have been better not to even have known him than to be made to feel on a daily basis that I was somehow inferior to all the other kids.

In time I started to just not care about what he did or did not do. I chose to use him as an example of what not to do and found positive examples around me from people that were able to show they cared about me and/or others.

Today I am a husband and a father. I tell my wife and my kids that I love them every day. I hug my kids every day. I pay attention to them every day. I do this because it is the right thing to do and because I choose to do it.
2 confirmed herniated lumbar discs. Spinal Arthritis. Spinal Stenosis, diabetic peripheral nueropathy.
Moderator Depression Forum.

dakota14
New Member


Date Joined Dec 2011
Total Posts : 7
   Posted 12/24/2011 10:08 PM (GMT -6)   
Thanks for the advice and supportive comments, they really are helpful and I appreciate it! I think just having that encouragement makes me put things into perspective and back into the right mindset. I just fell into a slump for a little and criticized myself more than I should have. So thank you! Hope you all have a good holiday.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42301
   Posted 12/25/2011 5:33 AM (GMT -6)   
Dakota,

I think we all do that from time to time. We are allowed, but we are our own worst critics. So try to see yourself as we see you. A very kind person. A good person.

I hope you are having a Merry Christmastime.

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies
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