Posted 1/2/2012 8:42 AM (GMT -7)
This situation is all too recent for me! Yes, I was in a similar situation. No, my ex and I don't speak anymore and it's one of the best things that could have happened to me. She entered a depressive phase back in June, but didn't address the situation until a breakdown in early September. After months of not knowing what her cause her behavior changes, it was somewhat of a relief it was depression. You know, depression can be worked through, so I was hopeful. She sought out medication & therapy, but after two weeks, decided that she needed to cut off communication because she was only "hurting me more".
It went on for 2 more months like that. Not hearing from her, but hearing from others that she missed and loved me; she constantly led me on to believe things would be ok. She went out of her way to inform my friends, relatives, old college professors... I'm telling you... EVERYONE. Yet still, she didn't talk to me. We met up one time and I saw again for myself what a mess she was. It was horrible to see her in that condition... and then to find out she quit meds & therapy. Wait a minute, what was going on?? I thought she was working on herself so she could again treat me well?? PSYCHE.
A lot of people would keep telling me to take care of myself. I joined the forum so I had others to talk to about this, hopeful that I would find someone to tell me everything would be ok. Everyone DID tell me that I would be ok & to focus on myself. I didn't even know where to start! I have always put others before myself and I found that I didn't even know what made me happy anymore. That was even more horrible... I was so upset that someone I dated for two years was depressed that for about 6 months, I really neglected what I needed. I started therapy again in September (when she first left) but I don't think I even started talking about myself until December. Of course, I talked about how hurt I was in the relationship... I was so overwhelmed it seemed like nothing would be ok. I sent her cards, letters, inspirational quotes... how could she continue to be so cruel to me?? It wasn't until I found out she was dating a new girl that she works with that I really saw the situation for what it was-- A BREAKUP. I'm not saying that is what your situation is, because yes, depressed people really struggle with just getting through the basic actions of the day, much less making sound decisions. I am only 22 (as is my ex), nearly 23. Her new girlfriend just turned 19!!! yowza. I have two degrees, completed an undergrad thesis, and have a sound job. This girl barely graduated highschool, was kicked out of her house, and waits tables. Now, at 19, I was doing the same thing... waiting tables. But it was to get me to a better place. My point is that I realized a lot and although the situation really really sucked, I'm so much better off. I'm not interested in women in the first place, yet I dated one for 2 years.
Needless to say, I have discovered a lot about myself and I think I'm only about 30% through my journey. I JUST started having fun, but I still have some traumatic events to get straight in my head.
I'd really like to stay updated on your situation. If you'd like, you can e-mail me. It may seem like you are lost and won't ever make it through, but trust me... you WILL. It gets better, so much better than you ever knew! For both of you, this will build who you are as a person. You never know what the future holds for either of you, but know that it is good and we care.