Is anybody out there???

New Topic Post Reply Printable Version
[ << Previous Thread | Next Thread >> ]

ldyblu
New Member


Date Joined Sep 2011
Total Posts : 19
   Posted 1/3/2012 12:06 AM (GMT -6)   
Is anybody out there?  I need someone to talk to.  I can't sleep.  I can't turn my head off.  I want to do an intervention on my husband for compulsive spending.  I'm worried and scared and I need someone to talk to.
 

sos007
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2011
Total Posts : 615
   Posted 1/3/2012 12:32 AM (GMT -6)   
Idyblu....sorry I am here now, if you are still up and want to talk...I will be up for awhile.
Chronic Pain(nerve), fibro, mild depression and a few others

ldyblu
New Member


Date Joined Sep 2011
Total Posts : 19
   Posted 1/3/2012 12:45 AM (GMT -6)   
I am going crazy here. My husband just bought a new truck and tractor. We have a smart car, a prius, a toyota truck, a 1929 model A, a 1951 ford truck, a camping trailer, a utility trailer, a motorcycle hauler, a trailer that tows behind motorcycles, a boat with a trailer, and a flatbed trailer. We have tons of photography equipment, cameras, printers, tripods, hd movie cameras, small pocket cameras, computers (desktop, laptop, notebook size), printers, scanners, copiers, e-readers (5 total). We just sold our other house and the money is almost all gone. We have no savings to speak of, at least not enough to get us through a big emergency or medical issue. We need things done to fix up this house and yard. He works a 24 hour shift on Monday so is too tired to do anything on Tuesday then works another 24 hr shift on Wed so Thursday is out and Friday is spent in town all day taking his mother to appointments, grocery shopping and then to dinner. He says he will do things on Sat but ends up on the couch researching things on the computer all day. Sunday he either takes his mother to church or we watch religious programs on tv most of the day. I do all the cooking and cleaning and laundry and animal care. Yes he is allowed to rest as he works hard but I need some help and acknowledgement for what I do too. I also do most of the care for his mother as you all know from previous posts. If he isn't in front of the computer we are out and running all over creation all day which exhausts his mother, even though she only gets in and out of the car a couple of times. I am at a loss of what to do. He asks my opinion but doesn't listen to it or pay any attention to it especially if it isn't what he wants to hear. He has a reason and long explanation for why we need all this stuff. He got angry with me for wanting to trade in the smart car and refused and I had no idea he was not planning on trading in the toyota truck for the new one. He insists its for his mother but she can hardly get in the car let alone a big truck.

ldyblu
New Member


Date Joined Sep 2011
Total Posts : 19
   Posted 1/3/2012 1:04 AM (GMT -6)   
I am stuck here taking care of his mother. My mother is 94 and in another state. She is in good health but you just never know. My daughter is in the same state as my mother. She calls on birthdays, holidays and mother's day and sometimes just to say hello. My son is in a different state. He moved there without letting me know. I text him every now and then and for birthdays and holidays but I haven't heard back from him. I play games on Facebook to pass the time as I have no friends here. My husband hates that I am on Facebook. If I type anything he wants to know what I am doing, who I am chatting with, what I am saying. If my phone rings or dings he wants to know who it is or who is texting me and what it says. The only time I see other people is with him even if it is my cousin who lives nearby. I try not to be on the computer when he is home. I try to find other things to do. I am so lonely. He didn't even kiss me at midnight New Year's. I had to stop him and kiss him and wish him a happy new year. I have tried holding his hand and rubbing his back but I get no response. When he talks to me he sounds like he is angry with me. I ask him what I did to make him mad and he gets mad and says he isn't. I don't know what to say, what to do. I'm afraid that something will happen to him (he already had a heart attack) and I will be left holding the proverbial bag. How do you sell stuff in a one horse town that has a very depressed economy?

bayoub2
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 2861
   Posted 1/3/2012 8:54 AM (GMT -6)   
Idyblu
Iempathize with you. We sold most of the stuff my husband bought before he drove us to the poorhouse on Ebay (local-within 50-or 100 miles). You will have to photograph sone of it, it takes a bit of work but we sold everything we posted.

Your husband behavior sounds eerily like my husband who was finally diagnosed at the age of 61 with bipolar. He finds something interesting like phtotgraphy and the throws himself into whole hog for about 7-8 weeks and then loses interest and moves on to another expensive hobby(BUT we'll make money on this he says EVERYTIME)...his anger, resentment...does it feel like your very existence irritates him? Mine did, felt like I was walking on egg shells, never knew what he would go off about.

The inability to follow thru on plans, impulsive, almost compulsive spending, low threshold for anger, iritation, racing thoughts..all these are symptomatic of bipolar. I might be way off base, but it is a thought.

I hope the New Year's brings some peace for you...try Ebay-it really worked for us and will relieve a little stress on you...I am sorry you have so much on your plate. I think your husband will be the type who will not seek counseling (mine is off meds that helped soo much) so all you can do is take care of your self the best you can..sorry I cannot bemore help

maggie
"We never realize how strong we are, until being strong is the only thing left"
Major Depressive Disorder, ptsd, fibromyalgia, chronic pain, l3/4, L4/5 gone, bursitis arthritis sciatica

cymbalta seroquel hydrocodone klonopin magnesium potassium

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42434
   Posted 1/3/2012 9:00 AM (GMT -6)   
You go on ebay. I have sold a lot and bought a lot on ebay. So don't worry about the future, but do try to talk your hubby into going into counseling. This sounds like an obsessive compulsive disorder.

I am sorry he is spending so much. But there are a lot of people buying valuable things right now only to sell them later. So that might be what he has in mind. Does he have use for the tractor and stuff?

How many animals do you have. I have one dog. They are a lot of work. Have you ever thought of counseling for yourself to get through this? It might help. Atleast to keep you sane thoughout all of this and learn some coping skills. It can't hurt. You will be albe to share on a regular basis.

Coming here is good too. It really helps. We can support you. But I would see a counselor and get this straightened out in your own head. Like I say, it can't hurt.

Keep posting, know that we are here for you.

Take care new friend....

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

ldyblu
New Member


Date Joined Sep 2011
Total Posts : 19
   Posted 1/4/2012 11:18 AM (GMT -6)   
OMG Maggie......that is EXACTLY how he is!!!!! He just seems pissed off at the whole world. Everyone is a liar and a cheat. Everyone is stupid. I feel like I shouldn't open my mouth. I'm not so sure about the racing thoughts but he has trouble shutting off his mind at night to sleep. He searches and researches until I am blue when he finds something he wants. I know that we will get it when he starts researching and we go to see what ever it is. It doesn't matter how I feel about it or what I say against it, we end up with it. He has these grandiose plans of running a photography studio and he has started writting at least three books. All of this with the intent of quitting work and having these things make up the money. Who knows how the insurance thing will get resloved. We even have a website set up to sell the pictures. He procrastinates about the darndest things and gets cheap about all the wrong things. I am at my wits end and his mother is frantic about all the money he is spending. She is worried about our future as is my mother, understanding that we are both in our 50's. And, yes, he will not seek counseling. Doesn't see the point as it doesn't help, so he says and thinks. I would love to go but cannot leave my M-I-L alone. I guess I really need to grow some (lol...sorry) and just tell him that I am going to go and he needs to stay with his mother. I have almost decided to leave him after his mother is gone but that could be years away. I don't know........ I'm just lost.

bayoub2
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 2861
   Posted 1/4/2012 11:35 AM (GMT -6)   
Dear Idy

You have your hands full my dear-i take my hat off to you for functioning as long as you have...I think our husbands are twins separated at birth_LOL!!!! Mine was impossibly hostile yesterday and was not happy until he had Katie and I in tears, saying I lied to him (I didn't) that I was financially irresponsible (I do not shop, gamble get hair or nails done-I weat decade old clothes) that I totally f-d our daughter up (she is A_B student with no history of disciplinary problems, smart mouth but..) threw her boyfrien out cause he caught them kissing in her bedroom (door is open)...today he acts like everything is normal-AAARRGGHH!!! ghis latest endeavour is sand cast candles-hasn't sold one yet, given away about 10 of them...

Anyway, enuf about my hubby...you should go to counseling, take MIL with you or maybe one ogf the online sites Karen has mentioned...I'm thinking of trying one myself...and yoour hubby should take your MIL OUT once inawhile for you and for her, the selfish twit!!! UUHH I'm on a roll today-watch out!! LOL Anyway, Idy I really think I feel your pain so anytime you need to vent, just blow!! You'll feel so much better. They won't take care of themselves so we HAVE to take care of us!!

Take care dear and keep me posted
Maggie
"We never realize how strong we are, until being strong is the only thing left"
Major Depressive Disorder, ptsd, fibromyalgia, chronic pain, l3/4, L4/5 gone, bursitis arthritis sciatica

cymbalta seroquel hydrocodone klonopin magnesium potassium

ldyblu
New Member


Date Joined Sep 2011
Total Posts : 19
   Posted 1/4/2012 2:35 PM (GMT -6)   
Thanks Maggie. My hubby isn't quite as explosive as yours but hostile enough. I refuse to let him see me cry. It only makes him angry anyway. I feel like I have to be Mary f-ing Sunshine all the time. Yeah, sand candles, lol. We have been through the ideas of photography, fixing up old cars, house remodeling, campsite host, cruise dive instructor/paramedic and owning own ambulance service. Thank goodness we didn't do the cruise one. I might have thrown him overboard! lol!! Most of the time I do ok ignoring his rantings but sometimes I just want to walk out the door and keep walking. Tomorrow is my birthday and I am dreading it. I know my daughter will call, probably my mother but not my son. Won't have friends call as I have none. He did give me a book I had been wanting just before Christmas and gave me a Nook Color e-reader for Christmas. Probably will just go somewhere for dinner tomorrow after going to the dentist. yay, dentist, not. Kudos to your daughter for doing so well in school. Hope she can break the cycle when she gets out in the world. I did look at one of the sites Karen mentioned and will look at the other one soon. Hang in there lady!!!!! We will figure out how to get through all this someday!! Thanks for the ear and mine is here for you also. It does feel good to not feel so alone. :)

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42434
   Posted 1/4/2012 3:50 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi ldyblu,

I mostly wanted to say Happy Birthday to you. You sound like a person that is easy to help. You sound like you are really trying. Things are going to be better for you. It sounds like your hubby needs something for his moods. That is easier said than done. Keep working on you. You will be feeling better. And you are never alone when you are here. Know that we all care.

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

greenbean885
Regular Member


Date Joined Nov 2011
Total Posts : 310
   Posted 1/4/2012 4:27 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Idyblu,

I hope you are having a wonderful birthday!!! I read your posts and you may also want to try craigslist... it is like an online classified ad for your area. It didn't seem like anyone had suggested that just yet. If they did, well then great minds think alike!

Hope it has been a wonderful day for you!

Courtney

ldyblu
New Member


Date Joined Sep 2011
Total Posts : 19
   Posted 1/4/2012 11:06 PM (GMT -6)   
Thanks for the birthday wishes Karen and Courtney. And thanks for the kind words. I am usually pretty even keeled but lately my plate has been so full that everything just ran over and I lost it. I am concerned about a lot of things and I know I need to talk it out with a "trained professionsl" lol. That is easier said than done. As for selling stuff....I know all about craigslist. We used it a few years ago with some good and one really bad experience so now hubby doesn't trust it and doesn't want to use it. As for ebay....my cousin and her husband use it so maybe I can talk them into helping him understand how to use it. Who knows. I try so hard mostly to no avail. He is in such denial about everything, our relationship, his mother's health and his health. I want so badly to talk to his doctors privately to give them a heads up about what is going on with him but that is impossible. We go everywhere together. He doesn't like me to go anywhere alone unless it is to get something he needs or wants. I might "meet" someone or heaven forbid actually talk to someone and enjoy it! Ach, enough belly aching. I am going to try to get some sleep. Last night was better but I was exhausted. Thank you all again. Hope you all have a good day tomorrow.

Ldyblu

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42434
   Posted 1/5/2012 6:05 AM (GMT -6)   
It sounds like he is very controlling. You don't deserve that. You need some freedom for yourself. Make an appointment with a counselor for yourself. He can't be in your sessions. It is just for you and the counselor. I use to have a very controlling husband. He kept me under his thumb. It is no fun. And tempts you to do things that you wouldn't nromally do becaue you wnat a life so badly. Keep posting here. It will help. But I highly recommend counseling for you.

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

bayoub2
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 2861
   Posted 1/5/2012 6:23 AM (GMT -6)   
Happy birthday Idy!!! Hope you have a nice day!!

Hope you can get away long enuf to see a counselor-bring MIL if you have to. Wishing you the best

Maggie
"We never realize how strong we are, until being strong is the only thing left"
Major Depressive Disorder, ptsd, fibromyalgia, chronic pain, l3/4, L4/5 gone, bursitis arthritis sciatica

cymbalta seroquel hydrocodone klonopin magnesium potassium
New Topic Post Reply Printable Version
Forum Information
Currently it is Wednesday, June 20, 2018 3:06 PM (GMT -6)
There are a total of 2,973,762 posts in 326,127 threads.
View Active Threads


Who's Online
This forum has 161112 registered members. Please welcome our newest member, NannieT2018.
467 Guest(s), 13 Registered Member(s) are currently online.  Details
alephnull, SoMuchFun, spouse21, countess18, NannieT2018, Lwill351, Serenity Now, Girlie, Cary1963, ejc61, OriolCarol, Jack & Diane, iPoop